The "Feels" of Ogling (a Females Perspective)

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Kenzi, Nov 13, 2017.

  1. noonoon

    noonoon Fapstronaut

    You are suggesting that visual stimuli have nothing to do with sex? Of course, that's an interesting theory but if you look at nature you'll find visual stimuli is quite commonly associated with sexual reproduction. Humans are no different. Birds often have colorful plumage to attract mates. There are numerous examples. Makeup is designed to mimick a sexually stimulated female - flushed cheeks and lips, hot and red with coursing blood. Feminine features are innately and instinctually attractive. Now, youre right this natural attraction often gets perverted, but that doesn't change the basis of visual sexual stimulation having a basis in nature.

    There is a weird theme running through this thread that suggests that humans have somehow escaped the evolutionary and necessary reproductive urge associated with all other living creatures. We've not. Our culture tries to elevate us above our animal instinct, but without culture we devolve quicky. It's almost the opposite of what some are suggesting here.
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
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  2. StartledKiwi

    StartledKiwi Fapstronaut

    In the 15 years I've been doing PMO I've never thought women to be subject to men. I've never talked nasty, cat called or sexually harassed women. I've never felt encouraged to oppress them in any way, let alone objectifying them.

    It's not. There's a difference between noticing, looking at, staring and what you call oogling.

    I understand that women don't like being objectified. But I also wonder why do women think the only reason why some men look at them is to objectify them?

    Do they think that's the only kind of look they deserve? I don't.

    Sometimes I find myself looking at women without any sexual thoughts.

    The lady sitting on a bench reading a book? I liked her subtle smile.
    That woman on the train carrying her baby? I admire the effort she puts into taking care of her children.
    The girl with the carefree attitude listening to some music while she walks down the street? I find her presence refreshing.

    I'm looking at another human being.. being human.

    We're not dogs that need conditioning, or training. We don't find women attractive because we're conditioned to.

    Rebooting is not about conditioning myself to NOT look at women. It's much more than that.

    Rebooting has nothing to do with women.

    It's about taking control of our lives, it's about finding ourselves amidst the chaos created by years and years of instant gratification through PMO.

    It's really not that hard to understand.
  3. To a certain extend I don’t mind.. yes it’s also me who CAN encourage or not. I don’t always not...
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  4. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    This could be a useable guideline. Based on the idea that women can actually sense when they are being checked out, I've been and will be trying that out.

    But what if some women can feel it, and say that 1 second is too long?

    .5 seconds?

    Also, some refer to "pornifying" as different from appreciating. Where does that difference occur, and how is it sensed? Is it known? Guessed at?
  5. TooMuchTooSoon

    TooMuchTooSoon Fapstronaut

    I myself put it at 'if you were to verbalize what you are thinking/visualizing, would they be flattered, offended, disgusted, etc.?' Quick glance: 'nice smile' or 'she's pretty' or 'I like how she dresses' and I think you're fine. Long enough to compartmentalize sexual body parts, mentally undress, or actively fantasize is too long and she's probably feeling it or otherwise sensing it and might be getting uncomfortable. Again, just my two cents.
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  6. TooMuchTooSoon

    TooMuchTooSoon Fapstronaut

    *how she dresses = general style
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  7. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Lol this thread made me laugh, because I've recently realized how incredibly obviously is when people stare at your boobs. I've gone up a few cup sizes recently, and I don't always wear super high cut stuff or anything, and I've started noticing a LOT when people are staring. Not usually guys, but more like my mom or my sister or some other woman, possibly thinking my shirt is too low or something, I don't know. But I never noticed that before until recently. It's good to know, because I've definitely been guilty of staring at people's boobs before, and now I'm a lot more careful because I know how obvious it is when people are doing that.
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  8. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Also, I can't help but feel that some things said here are pretty unnecessarily paranoid. I mean I'm a very cautious person, myself, but I'm not like walking through life with the constant fear that every man is going to rape me or something. Just throwing that out there. Some of the things women are saying here makes me sad. Reminds me of my SJW days when I thought the absolute worst of the world and constantly felt like a victim. But you don't have to live life that way. Be cautious, yes, but you don't have to feel like the whole world is out to get you all the time.
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  9. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Nuts! I may need to be blindfolded, permanently.
  10. Immature

    Immature Fapstronaut

    Poe's Law strikes again.
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2017
  11. noexcuses

    noexcuses Fapstronaut

    I think there is some truth to this especially connected with advertising and promotion. The "go to move" is to use images of women to promote or advertise basically any product or service. The go to "click bait" technique on the internet (especially YouTube) is to use images of women. Music videos, Movies, Television are all seem to do this constantly. It can be a bit much sometimes!
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  12. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I think this is conditional.
    I live in a nice place, in a nice area.
    To do anything tho...
    I have to go to the city.
    Currently, Usually by bus.
    Because of the freeway construction.
    Let me paint you a picture..
    The station is crowded with bums and teens and men who can't afford cars, etc etc... And by a shelter, which people would rather hang outside of.. Who have no idea what personal space is.
    The neighboring cities are also not filled with nice people.
    But my town only has restaurants and schools and houses. (plus one grocery store and a post office and library. Fancy)
    I don't have a problem close to home.
    If I want to go to the doctor or shopping or something else tho, I have to take the bus atm.
    I have to take a bus and I have a car.
    I'm boxed in by construction.
    My point is, I think lots of these post clips are leaving out details.
    We haven't heard anything about surroundings, or how they got in those situations, we only heard details as it relates directly to the topic.

    And I think its all subjective.

    People can go there whole lives never knowing the same fear of another.
  13. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Well that definitely changes my perspective of what you said about not going anywhere alone when you want to wear shorts, or soemthing like that. I thought that was kind of crazy. I get being more cautious in a sketchy part of town, on a bus. That's obviously a unique situation, though. I know a LOT of women who are hyper paranoid like that just in their everyday life, no matter what they're doing in public, and I think it's sad, because I used to be that way too, and now that I've changed I realize how ridiculous and sad it was to live my life in constant fear when most of the people around me aren't rapists who are going to attack me at any minute. Im not trying to be judgy, I'm just saying, since I've changed in that way, my life is infinitely happier.
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  14. Kenzi

    Kenzi Fapstronaut

    I can understand clear paranoia.
    I can.
    I think if you have no reason to fear something it's ridiculous.
    Like being shot.
    I would never say to anyone that has been shot at, don't fear that.
    Because it's actually happened to them and until it happened to me, I didn't truly understand it.
    I always tell my kids, guns aren't like video games.
    Because they aren't.
    Relationships and people aren't like TV either.
    So I think this is good advice.
    I also think that if you don't teach your daughter some of the "be prepared" intelligence on her body in a attack, it's just asking for invitation.
    That doesn't mean scare the next generation into hating all men...
    Even if they hurt you.
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  15. SpouseofPA

    SpouseofPA Fapstronaut

    I am under 4'10" and i weighed 105lbs. ( now i am a lil heavier due to a medication i had to take) and i have been attacked by more than one man.
    I am very very tiny. People just think they can pick you up and move you around because they have this urge to, Literally. they think they can over me, (and most can however given my past when i fight i do what i need to do to get away)
    i am not overly paranoid. I am paranoid enough. i was 10-12 when the looks from older men started.
    I prepare myself for these situations in case the person i was with and thought i could trust turned out to be a creeper.
    I don't go around thinking everyone is a creeper, but i don't assume anything either. i grew up in big city with a diversity of people and learned to become aware of my surroundings.
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  16. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    Yeah, I agree with that. That's why I said I'm a very cautious person. I'm probably more cautious than a lot of people, but I wouldn't consider myself paranoid. I take precautions, but I am not living in fear.

    Sounds good. No problem with that. It's good to be aware of your surroundings.
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  17. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

    Thank you. That's refreshing to hear
    Castielle likes this.
  18. Lakeside

    Lakeside Fapstronaut

    This is one the best posts I've seen in a long time. It's very refreshing to finally find someone who isn't afraid to take the middle ground on this one.
  19. Castielle

    Castielle Fapstronaut

    This is a great post! I totally agree with this! I really don't understand women who feel so utterly appalled at men just looking at them, or even "checking them out" briefly. I've always taken that as a compliment, as long as it's not gross or sleazy the way they're doing it. My best friend is one of those people who gets super annoyed whenever anybody checks her out, and I just don't get that at all. She's incredibly beautiful, and people are going to look at her and admire her beauty. I really don't see how that's a bad thing at all.
  20. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    I agree. I've found that forcing yourself to extremes such as not even glancing at a beautiful girl can have the opposite effect. The frustration builds and leads to relapse.
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