The end of porn addiction in my life for now

Discussion in 'Partner Support' started by Taketime, May 16, 2019.

  1. Taketime

    Taketime Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys.
    I can't sleep so thought I'd blog out some thoughts.
    My relationship officially ended tonight. Think he's 4 months clean.
    It been a rollercoaster since DDAY for us both.
    6 years ago a relationship ended with a man I later found was an S.A. and a pretty extreme one at that. It was the most traumatic thing to ever happen in my life.
    I considered taking my own life it was so traumatizing... no longer being able to make safe judgements about the world and who I could trust. On a human needs level it's also traumatizing to have a trusted bond literally ripped out.

    It took me 4 yrs to recover from that.
    In Jan I discovered my new partner was a porn addict. Learning my lessons from 6 years ago enabled me to discover it fairly quick....the shock still blew my word apart (again)

    It was the happiest relationship of my life so far we had adventures and I treasured him and what we had so very much. I loved his kids too...i shall miss them very much. Human bonds are so precious and important to our wellbeing. If you need evidence that this blows family lives apart it's right there. Children suffer greatly. We all suffer greatly from the porn industry.

    It's taken 4 months of careful consideration to decide whether to move forward to tackle this together.

    He made amazing progress really - and I am proud that he decided to face himself.
    I too have learnt so much more and grown to be better person too.

    I'm glad I was brave enough to try another relationship - even thou the end tonight is sad and painful.

    It ended because the trauma has killed the bond we had. I don't think either of us have the right feelings anymore.

    But it also ended due to lies deceit a lack of transparency and a lot of fear on both sides. Tonight I got rejected for the last time - life is too short for pain when there is a choice to love.

    To all you guys here fighting this don't give up. The prize of being loved and loving another human being is the best story of life.
    I've never meet a dieing man whose last words were "God I've seen some great porn and had some great O's alone in a bathroom".
    Anyway those who are fighting - you inspire me and give me hope - feel proud of yourselves.

    To the SO's - put yourselves first. Love yourselves. Educate yourselves - know that trauma is normal and youre gonna recover too.
    On balance I couldn't take on a potential DDAY 2 - I choose a new direction in my life instead - there is gonna be great change for me too - but I'm positive about taking it on. Through tough challenges we grow stronger.

    I love me and I'm worth more than to be treated badly - So are you.

    Lastly I'm thankful. To my boyfriend who has taught me a lot. I'm thankful to the great people I have who support me in life's toughest hours.

    And lastly to you guys, thanks for sharing your stories and supporting me. Hopefully I'll be back in a while to share what I've learnt so far to help others too.

    LOVE and STRENGTH.
     
    Last edited: May 16, 2019
    Nugget9, Trappist, Susannah and 8 others like this.
  2. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

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    Very brave and courageous of you. I wish you all the joy the world has to offer. You will find love and peace and happiness, never settle for anything less.
    You are so correct..you do deserve to be treated very well.
    All the POWER to you
     
    Nugget9, Butterfly1988 and Taketime like this.
  3. Bombadil

    Bombadil Fapstronaut

    Thank you
     
  4. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

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    Hi @Taketime . How are you doing now? Hope things are even better.
     

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