The Case Against Self Improvement

I used to think that spirituality alone is what I need to do. I only need to be aware of my body, breath, the voice in the head. I used to not care about self-development. I used to meditate for like 30 minutes a day being aware of my breath and body. It's great if it worked for you, but for me it did not. Recently, I started going outside for a leisure walk, I started taking care of myself, my hygiene, my social life. My life is much more better now than before I start doing this things. The more my mind is occupied with self-development activities, the less it spends time on porn.

I still do meditations/spirituality but my priority is self-development. The thing I notice is you have to do activities that you love, listen to your heart. I used to think that going to gym will help me with my problem (which IMO is true), but I have excessive sweating which makes my anxiety in gym so strong. Instead, I go out for a leisure walk. I feel a lot better and can see improvements in my anxiety. If I forced myself going to gym regularly it probably won't work so no gym for now.

The balance approach worked on me. If I don't do meditations but focus only on self-development, I'll probably get obsessed with it since there will be no fulfillment/satisfaction on a deeper level.

 

“I believe that reading and writing are the most nourishing forms of meditation anyone has so far found. By reading the writings of the most interesting minds in history, we meditate with our own minds and theirs as well. This to me is a miracle.”
― Kurt Vonnegut, Palm Sunday: An Autobiographical Collage

 

I agree, the pursue of happiness is the biggest thing we do in our lives, and looking for ways to be happy may lead us to search for it in the wrong direction.
This is why we are all here after all, and it is necessary for us to learn how to be happy, what will make us happy, and how to get there.
Finding that one wish, that one desire, the one that is above everything, is the one we need to pursue. It can be many things, like building a family, becoming a doctor, fulfilling a childhood dream, etc.
Then the question becomes, how do we get there? And the answer is simple, with self-improvement. People inspired by others that are confident and show value, and working out brings this confidence. Doctors have to learn lots of stuff, and books give that knowledged in a pleasurable way.
I am working on building the habit of waking up earlier everyday in order to stop PMO, and it is an habit of many people who are rich. Being rich is a childhood dream of mine and working on every possible aspect to achieve it, brings me happiness.

Glad to hear that you found out how you can achieve happiness and thanks for sharing this wise vision.

 

I think what you are talking about, is the following:

people want to improve their life, start doing nofap, going to the gym and taking cold showers. This is great and all, but in the end, those things are only helping you achieve what you really want, they shouldn't become the goal itself.

The goal is not: 'do cold showers every day' but 'be better at work' (for example). The nofap+cold showers give you more energy and motivation to do that work.

Means and ends, means and ends. This whole self-improvement thing is about the means. It's only half of the story.

And by the way, I completely agree about the internal happiness you speak off. Sometimes, I have these moments of enlightment: where I look around, my head is empty (in a good way) and I realise that I have the freedom to do whatever I want. I could pick up this stick, I could remove my watch, I could jump in the water, I could touch this fence, etc etc etc. I live completely in the moment, with 100% control and freedom. I am a free and happy man. I meditate sometimes.