The bottom of the 9th

I'm not American, but I grew up on a lot of American culture, so I find that an appropriate title for this post, something possibly closer to home for me would maybe be "20 needed off the last over in the IPL final" (I'm Indian and that's a cricket reference). Alrighty then (heard that in Jim Carrey's voice then), so it's the bottom of the 9th for me, for no other reason than I want it to. I'm not someone who is comfortable with disclosing a lot of himself easily, especially online on a public forum, message me and let's chat, so I'm not going to take you through the entire battle I've faced or start a general discussion on my problems with P or M here, I just wanted you guys to know this: I've been on and off the wagon, semi-serious about NoFap till now, despite the serious, near literally criminal, ways in which P and M have till now eroded my life both sporadically and in everyday ways, biting away at my ability to function normally in society, greatly reduced self-confidence and general fear, or myself, 24/7. I'm here, however, writing this now, to tell you this: It gets better. I've been off it for 5 days, and I made a vow to myself, that I would not touch myself or watch P unless I get laid first, in real life. I had the humongously great fortune to meet a woman I found attractive many years ago again, and we hit it off and started off, both virtually and in real life, and as much as it is physical, it was riveting, exhiliarating, the greatest excitement ever to be in an emotionally connected romantic relationship, where instead of trying to convince myself I'm in love, I actually am and knows what it feels like, and instead of worrying about ruining it, I'm just letting it happen as it does, on a day to day basis. We can't be together, for a variety of complications of space, time and priorities, and I'm fine with that. The point of this story is this:

Relax. Trust yourself. You losing your way in the past doesn't mean you can't find the right path, whatever it may be for you, moving forward. I believe in your ability to get up, dust yourself off, and achieve what you want to achieve, and a lot of other people, those close to you and strangers on here do too, but that doesn't mean you get scared and crippled by the stress of expectation nor does it mean that it is intangible or in the air; this support for you is right here, right now and here for you whenever you need it, it's not weakness to ask for it when you need it but strength to realise that you do. Don't worry about whether or not you're doing the right thing, if you can look yourself in the eye in the mirror, if think it's the right thing to do, if your throat doesn't dry up at the thought of doing it and your soul doesn't say no, then do it. But if it does, then don't. Have the courage to listen to listen to yourself, for you are right, and have the courage to bear the pain of effort, for at the end of the road, not today nor tomorrow, at the end, is a joy much greater than you have known from your relapse. Trust me, it's true. I trust you. You've done wrong in the past but you will, will, do better tomorrow. I trust you to do what's right, and I trust you to know what's right, for you do. Go out there and be, and achieve, and be true to yourself, to kick this vile habit whichever way you want, to whichever extent you want and for whatever reason you want. I trust you to do what you think, what from the very bottom of your being, you think is the right thing to do, for you know it best for yourself. I and everyone here are here to help you, but help is all we can, for we believe and trust in you doing it. Go out there and get them, Tiger.