The big picture

I have been thinking about this a lot of late and wanted to throw out encouragemnet for dark days.

As addicts of PMO we face the single greatest addiction the world has ever seen, and nary a whisper. In fact, it's lauded as healthy, reframed as empowering, and marketed absolutely fucking everywhere. Tell me another addiction like that???

Our group is the canary in the coal mine. Our group is so strong because the fight we rage is so real, and why part of me is saddened by spouses wanting to kick out their spouse for it (I know this might feel inciting in tone, but please hang with me).

One man's shame is another couples sex aid (speaking, of course, in simple cultural terms). We have no meta consensus - it is barely even recognized as an issue, butttt "you better knock that shit out if you wanna see your kids, cuz i am done eith this shit" as if it is a willpower thing.

When no one would kick out their so for being fat - like if you eat those ho-hos again your ass is on the curb, or if you smoke another cigarette - we're through...now people do leave their spouse all the time for saying the thrill is gone, or i don't find you attractive, but is isn't because of specifically the ho-ho's you ate, and i caught you again. More on that thought in a bit.

If someone has a nicotine addiction - you can smell it. Year can hear it in their cough. You can see the physical.

If someone goes home and eats ho-hos and vegs all day, you see an obese person. You can see the physical.

If someone has a drinking problem, you can smell it on their breath. You see the bottles, you see the impaired state (in a lot of cases, im well aware of a functioning alcoholic, but speaking in broad terms), etc. You can hear the slurred speech. You can see the physical.

However...an insidious, chameleon like PMO addiction, you see none of that. The symptoms that we manifest - the impaired social skills, the brain fog, and any number of a dozen kther mental health manifestations - none of it is ever linked back to PMO. Ever.

Never mind that when in the grips, bad pun intended, of PMO you are so fucking numbed out, and zombified that we cannot see the forest for the trees. Allow me latitude on some wild theories among other more grounded and sober facts, but what if the emergence of zombie imagery isn't more than some leaking out some hive mind realized awareness that in some way everyone else (but not "me"!) Is a docile and numb, moden zombie? Our subconsious making commentary of our state in this age.

Insteadddd, you are a customer - youre 26 and your dick wont work? Hmm well even though this has never manifested in the history of humanity on a large scale, but let's not let that get in the way of a good profit with dick pills. Having a populace under 30 that should almost never have ED never raises an eyebrow???? Tf!!! Actually I have to think that it does pass through their conscience, in pause - privately, these are smart people, but never turn away a customer, or bother to root-cause the problem. And too much else to do. Too many customers, er patients, to see.

Throw it a pill. That's the American way.

And according to numerous studies the mental health incident spike is astronomical - i would love to see if there are any correlation studies on incident trends relating to broadband internet getting traction in the oft-cited 2006 timeframe.

But again, oh you have all of these mental health issues, well lets have you take these pills that have horrible side effects, mess with your biochem, hollow you out emotionally, but hey at least you arent "depressed", right? I was a prozac, then paxi, the lexapro and valium, now others - but steady, and for years.

Throw a pill at it. THAT IS THE AMERICAN WAY.

All that shit though never ever intersects with PMO. Speaking for america is it that our puritanical roots still fall back to - "mind your own business" - we don't talk about that, or is the fear that people would not only squirm in what is understandably a very sensitive topic, or get outright hostile and say, "what business is it of yours, just gimme the damn pill i came her for doc!"

So, okay - lets say the issue lies on both sides of this...

How do we bring greater awareness?? Short term, i think we can only triage as laymen. Support the hell out of one another.

We need to formulate a response though that can help our brothers and sisters in relationships and encourage some kind of recconcillaition. Any counselor would say ellen isn't kicking out clark because he is watching porn, but it is a symptom of other issues in the relationship -- but from our stanpoint how do we both own the thing we are trying to cut out of our lives, but also not give ellen some food for thought and pause, over this addiction that clark is fighting that is morr pervasive than smoking, drinking, gambling, overating...

Anecdotally, our good America is fat amd i mean epedimic fat, but everyone can see it and we battle that publically. PMO though, i would say is moreeeeee (MUCH MORE) pervasive than even our obesity issues. I would posit that if you walk your dog and pass 10 men on the street in america probably 6 are overweight. However if you pass 10 men on the street that likely all 10 engage with porn in some way. Call it 9 for the angels among us, or those in recovery, or the asexual, but i think it needs to be seen as that much of a majority.

And if it were seen in those terms then people wouldnt threaten to kick other people out of homes and threaten to not see their kids because its is my husband or wife who cant get their shit together and kick this shit.

Its an addiction, its an addiction, its an addiction.

My hesitancy to say off of this is to think it gives people some small feeling of license to say, oh well then everyone does it, no big deal, calm tf down - etc... but no!

Look at the epidemic in Japan. Take a population that is culturally more introverted, and feed it hyper-sexuality, and fetish. Take what was, on the best of days a hard task - to approach a woman, and talk to her, man to woman. Feed this culture more porn, as much as it wants, inegrate it to the point of being pop-culture, and review the outcomes. They have words and expressions for the men who in america would be the gamer in mom's basement. We have people there marrying holograms (real) and a whole generation uninerested in real sex and intimacy, because the fantasy at home is easier and wont reject me. A massive percentage reports no interest in sex. Birth rates fall off a cliff. That gives us no superiority in any way - but this is only going in one direction. There is no empowerment here. There is no improvement of the greater good. Let us all wake up!!

That only reenforeces the need to see how fucked up porn has made us all, and how very good things like women's equality can be cuturally mixed in with these insidious byproducts that get labeled as liberating, and healthy, and normal. And recognize that PORN has literally rewired the brains of generations within 10 years when coupled with lightning quick speeds. Take the morailty piece out for a minute. This is a public health crises. Back to the canary in the coal mine. We have obligation to be better men and women to be strong and help our brothers and sisters as the mind clears and we see things as they really are.

Men, we need to be the MEN the world needs, but is trying to deconstruct. Take it down a step though. We need to be the men our families need. We need to be the men our children need. We need to be the whole man that our own selves need. WE ARE MEN and we ARE NEEDED. We are the men our wives want, we need to take it up, bear the cross, seek reconcilliation and be more than.

More than conquerers, through ______. (Find/refind).

More than.


Be strong. Take today as today. Better days are ahead.

More later; much love.