The Beginning of a Long Journey

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Aquina_S, Sep 26, 2018.

  1. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Hi all!

    Though I originally found out about this community months ago, I only remembered about it now. Anyways, this will be a record of my continuing journey of attempting to abstain from PMO. Just to give you a bit of information about me, I'm currently 17 and have been struggling with porn and masturbation since I was about 12-13 when I was first exposed to it via friends. I am also a devout Catholic, so PMO has conflicted with my desire to be holy and faithful to God. About a year and a half ago I decided to rebel against this addiction and bring my life back in order, so that I can fulfill my dream of going to Oxford to study Theology.

    As a final remark of this introduction, I want to leave a quote that shall serve as my motto for this journey:

    "You can only come to the morning through the shadows." - J.R.R. Tolkien
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  2. BurningThisBridge

    BurningThisBridge Fapstronaut

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    Hey mate, the road will be long and hard but you can certainly do it with God's help. Great quote by Tolkien btw.
     
  3. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Thanks dude. Best of luck to you too.
     
  4. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Day 1

    Urges -
    Haven't had any major urges that drew me closer to PMO. However, there was one urge while I was praying the Rosary last night, but as soon as it arose, I turned my mind to God and the Blessed Virgin, that they would rid me of that urge. Thankfully, it passed away in a short period of time.

    Exercise - Did about an hour of chest exercises - dumbbell presses, flyers etc. Also helped a guy who was newer.

    Work - Finished a couple sets of chemistry questions along with some short essays. Overall, I didn't feel too burdened by my current workload. Hopefully it will remain that way until exams start. I also continued my reading of "History of Christianity" by Diarmaid MacCulloch and "Reality: A Synthesis of Thomistic Thought" by Rev. Reginald Garrigou-Lagrange O.P..

    Prayer/Mediation - As I mentioned, I prayed the Rosary last night, which is something I do every day. I also mediated on the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount and the eight beatitudes (Matt. 5. 1:12). The beatitude that I was particularly drawn to was "Blessed are the clean of heart: for they shall see God.", reminding me of my fight against PMO.

    Anyways, that's about all I have for today.
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  5. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Day 2

    Urges -
    I've fortunately been pretty much urge free for the last 24 hours.

    Exercise - Spent some time doing legs yesterday and biceps.

    Work - Haven't been that busy the past day, though I did submit another essay along with completing some revision work for biology.

    Prayer/mediation - Prayed the Rosary again last night. I also continued my meditations on the Sermon on the Mount. One particular verse stood out above the others: "You are the light of the world. A city seated on a mountain cannot be hid." (Matt. 5:14). I reflected on this verse and gained a sense of spiritual comfort from it.
     
    Christian Fox likes this.
  6. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Day 3

    Urges - Fortunately, I haven't had any more urges over the last day. I'm really thankful that I've basically been free from urges to use porn given that they often can happen to me after 3 or so days of not PMOing.

    Exercise - Decided that I would make yesterday a rest day as well as today (Saturday). I'll be back at the gym Sunday though.

    Work - Only have a fit small tasks to do over the weekend, mainly work on an economics presentation for next Wednesday. I plan on reading some more theology books this weekend - should get my mind of things for a short time.

    Prayer - Prayed again last night along with continuing meditations over the Sermon on the Mount.
     
  7. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Forgot to do the past 2 days, so I'll do them today.

    Day 4 - No urges whatsoever, I continued rest from going to the gym. Also didn't have any work to do.

    Day 5 - Went to Confession and Mass, prayed as usual and didn't have any urges either.
     
  8. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Day 6

    Urges -
    I had one urge earlier today, thoughts from old pornographic scenes entered my mind, but I rejected them off the bat and decided to take my phone out of my room and change my environment.

    Exercise -
    Did shoulder exercises yesterday, felt pretty good afterwards.

    Prayer -
    Prayed the Rosary again yesterday along with more scriptural meditation and reading. I ended up reading a devotional book called "True Devotion to Mary" by St. Louis de Montfort.

    Work - Finished off an essay yesterday, as well as continued to practicing my German.

     
  9. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Again, I've forgot to record the past 2 days!

    Nothing much really happened in them - didn't have any urges to PMO at all. I continued going to the gym and my normal prayer life.
     
  10. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Day 9

    Urges - no urges over the past 24 hours! I've been really thankful that I haven't felt any sexual temptations lately.

    Exercise - I've been taking a bit of a rest with regards to going to the gym since I've had quite a bit of work/reading to catch up on lately.

    Prayer - Prayed the Rosary again yesterday and meditated on the Parable of the 10 Virgins and Psalm 138 (in the Douay-Rheims version). I felt consoled after reading Psaln 138 since I had had some fears about what I'm going to do after school/university.
     
  11. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Ugh, forgot to do the past 3 days, of which all of them have been successful.

    Currently, I'm at Day 12 and haven't experienced any urges. I feel that my growing prayer life has perhaps helped me in staying away from PMO. Also, I've been conversing with friends more which has used up a lot of the time I would have otherwise spent in my room - which of course leads to me falling.

    Work hasn't been too stressful at the moment, but I have had some deadlines to reach, which is why I haven't posted in a few days. Despite the workload, it hasn't encouraged me to sooth myself via PMO, but has instead used up the time I would have spent doing nothing.

    Overall, I'm pretty happy with myself and I hope I can continue fighting back against my addiction.
     
  12. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Days 13 and 14

    I've been feeling really good the past few days about beating this addiction - I haven't had any urges to use porn or masturbate and I've found that I have actually been having more meaningful conversations with people. I know I am by no means cured of PMO yet, but I'd like to think of today as a checkpoint along this long path.

    Besides my recovery, I've been busy with school work since we have had a lot of coursework deadlines recently. I hope that over the next few weeks I can get a bit of a break from work and do some more reading on theology.
     
  13. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    After over 3 months being inactive, I've decided to return to this page. I had a 107 day streak before I lost it in relapsing yesterday and earlier today.

    I hope that you will all keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I've been feeling awful lately after a breakup and school related stress and this relapse has severely affected me - I feel much less hopeful compared to when I was living a porn-free life only a few days ago. I really want to recover from this and I've lost a lot of confidence that this addiction will end.
     
  14. Mysteryball

    Mysteryball Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Hi bro... your streak was amazing...

    three months is a huge deal... you already showed yourself your true will power...
    addiction is nothing but a mind temporarily stuck with an idea that it cannot escape a habit..
    You know you are strong enough right? let me tell you, you are...:)

    A daam relapse means nothing .... I understand thing have not been going pretty well in life but you are strong enough to face those things..
    Fight through the hard days to earn the best days of your life ...:)

    Hope you do great ahead.. :)
    Cheeers!
     
  15. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Thanks so much for the words of encouragement!

    Days 1 and 2:
    - Recently spoke to a close friend about the relapse. It was really encouraging to talk to him about it and he offered me a few tips about the issue.
    - Attended Confession and Mass
    - I almost felt the urge to relapse last night but I reminded myself of how maintaining self-control actually feels better than the guilt of PMOing.
     
    Mysteryball likes this.
  16. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    I unfortunately relapsed on Monday (about 4 hours after I last posted) - the guilt afterwards was really horrible. From that relapse I've learnt that I need to start spending less time alone and to also start working in other, more public areas of the house. A friend also suggested that I contact him if I ever feel an urge to use pornography.

    Since then I've been free for 2 days and the advice has been paying off.
     
  17. Aquina_S

    Aquina_S Fapstronaut

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    Alright, time for an update on the past 2 days:

    Thursday:
    No compulsive urges towards PMO at all. Managed to get quite a bit of work done as well as go to the gym with a few friends (which was probably my highlight of the day).
    I also managed to get a bit of reading done last night - I'm currently reading The Once and Future King by T.H. White. It's essentially a 20th century version of the Arthurian legends.

    Today (Friday):
    I've had one really bad urge today, but I managed to resist it by preoccupying my mind with other things and by immediately leaving my bedroom lest I fall. Hopefully the urge won't reappear for the remainder of today.
    To avoid relapsing tonight, I'll probably work outside of my room and only go back right before I go to bed.
     

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