Hi all, I am new to nofap, this is only my second post. My husband and our marriage is struggling with PMO addiction among other things. He is going to counseling and is close to 3 months PMO free. I'm proud of how far he had come and I do recognize and appreciate that he is trying to change. He's communicating more, and very careful around other women now - I actually had to tell him last week that it was ok for him to make eye contact with the attractive female store clerk! With some prompting, he admitted he is so scared of upsetting me and losing me (by crossing that line into flirting again - it has been quite the issue in the past) that he is very anxious around other women. It pained me to hear this and I told him I trust that he knows where that line is now, and will respect it. So yes, he is trying, and improving greatly.... What I'm struggling with tonight though is "why." My hurt and anger over what he did, and his dishonesty around it all just bubbles up like this at times and it is so discouraging. He hurt me deeply, but I do recognize that the remorse he feels over what he did is nearly as intense as my grief. Why, then, am I still having these periods of panic and insecurity??? I can't shake the idea that he did it all because he didn't love me at the time, or was resenting me, or was unattracted to me... Etc. I read over and over that it's not because I'm "not attractive enough" for him, but I still feel so worthless after finding out everything. My feelings seem illogical to me and are very frustrating. Tonight I am really having troubles finding compassion for him and his behaviour, even though I know it is a struggle and that he is trying... I'm just so hurt that I want to run away and protect myself. I am so afraid of being hurt like this again by him. Can anyone give me some insight on this? I am really lacking courage tonight. P.S. I am curious if anyone (spouses of addicts in particular) could recommend some forums or resources for someone in my position? I have found nofap helpful for understanding the addiction more, but wondering if it's OK to be asking for support here or not (as spouse of an addict, not an addict). I've searched for resources but it's hard to find online communities that are positive and encouraging about this, and not just "he's a jerk, you should leave." That is definitely not the type of atmosphere I want to be going to for comfort right now, I want to try to save this marriage!