Suffering from Trans-OCD, Sissy hypno porn addiction and suicidal thoughts.

This is a case where you are being conditioned to have more of a high on the dopamine that's overflowing I your brain. You need more porn, more fetishes, more often. If you don't want to be transgender then you won't be. It's that excitement of the different weird stuff that makes the high better. I had a time where I thought I was gay for watching gay porn. I would walk down the street and think I should check guys out and not girls. But outside of the screen is the real world. And in the real world is who you really are. I've had the same gf for 9 years. I never once wanted to go out and have sex with a guy. It's a fantasy you have control over. But you need others to help you. A therapist is what I strongly suggest. Suicide thoughts is a serious issue. I've had those myself. I still do. The embarrassment will pass. A suicide not will not. There are many ways to get help. You can pay a counselor 80-120 a session and go once every 2 weeks or so. I'm sure there is someone. I hope this was helpful. Good luck to you.

 

Just stop your PMO addiction now. It will hurt and be difficult but you are just severely addicted to it...real brain chemistry contamination.
Success, failure, progress, learning, experiencing the power and the effects this addiction has over you....starts with trying to stop by first stopping.
People here will help and inform you more...but right now, STOP P.M.O actions, behaviors, materials, pictures, videos, files...etc, including all negative and counterproductive thoughts.
Your only thought should be confronting and overcoming this addiction.

 

The program is not a guarantee you will kick this addiction. But it will give you tools and knowledge on how to get rid of it. I've completed a program similar and I still have days where it's so hard to resist watching porn. But it does get easier over time. You just need to be consistent and focused.
And I honestly don't know if you are trans or gay or whatever. That's up for you to decide. But it's not wrong to have those questions. It's where you obsess about it and need to watch that clouds everything. But going through this alone is very hard. Addiction isolates you. You need to let people in so it won't have as tight of a grip on you.

 

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2013/aug/31/pure-ocd-the-naked-truth

 

Honestly, you would know if you were Bi or Trans. Do you want to lead that life? Do you TRULY like it? You will find the truth in your answer.
Keep buggering on, bucko.

 

I have the exact same problem, when I was young I started off being addicted to normal porn but then I got addicted to TG Captions and sissy porn. And so for years whenever I watch regular straight porn I always imagine myself as the woman.

To answer your question, no you are not gay or transgender. You are attracted to women. You have to recognise the difference between a fetish and sexual orientation. The desire you have to suck a black penis and become a woman is just a fetish which yes… will be extremely difficult to get rid of. I'm only 10 days into my reboot and I still have strong urges for this kind of thing but I do believe a 90 day reboot will get rid of these fetishes and thoughts.

It may not get rid of the fetish completely but it will definitely help reduce it. I think the longer we go without masturbating to this kind of thing the better it will get for us, and that includes all kinds of porn.

All these suicidal thoughts and weird fetishes we have can be solved as long as we completely cut off porn and masturbation forever. Unless we are doing something sexual with a real woman in real life. I know it seems scary now to cut off something we love so much forever, but if you make it 90 days then you'll get addicted to the great feeling of living a normal life and you'll prefer that instead.

 

and this is exactly fetish like mine...we all have to do noFap for min 90 days and see what's gonna happen with fetish

Enter36thChamber
it's very hard first 3-4 weeks, urges are like hell, but after 25-30 days i don't have any urges, i try to think about sex, but my penis is dead, but i still have hard morning wood, i am not sure it's flatline or whatever...so mate, just stay strong and don't fall in first 4 weeks

 

i am going the same way and have the same addiction its not a fetish its an addiction caused by hypno videos i am on day 14 and still have the urges but i think it will go soon or later...

 

Ayo, as i said on a an

Oy, first of all, don't be afraid, love yourself and don't panick , the more you'll be afraid, panic and feel guilty, the more the urges will be strong. ( How will act your ennemies if you show them that's you are afraid of them ? )
Then , you have to break the first layer, telling someone your addiction problem in front of this person. You must fight your fear of being judged, and you must know that ain't your fault, if you have being infected, it's because you already had a open wound. This open wound could be a event in your chilhood, or idk, you must ask yourself what it is.

You must gain wisdom, and maturity about all of this, try to fight the fears and panick, ( imagining yourself as a great proud warior looking to the moon on the top of his cliff.)
You have have detachement , don't associate yourself with your pusions, you are not your pulsions.
And i will give you a method if nothing work , ( i takled about this method on another post)


"MAYBE ONE OF THE MOST POTENT SOLUTION ( i'm still working on it)

Oy, I was surfing the internet looking for guys like me to help, and i read your story.
So, i am having this problem, but i am on the healing way. How do you feel after 27 days w/ PMO ?
Honestly, i think the best way for you to get rid of all this shits is to heal your soul. You have soul traumas, rejection, and others, so deeply in your soul, you feel rejected and it affect all you life.

First of all is , calm down, try to not judge your self, culpability will raise the addiction. You must forgive yourself, if you are living this, it's for a reason, there is things you have to learn behind this. I learnt to know myself a lot thx to this.
If so just trust God for making you live this. Don't judge or condamn your pulsions being sick etc... if you see it's unbearable and it makes you extremely nervous, and sick, you have to release it, but without culpability, with love, acceptance and detachement.

Then, you have to find a therapist , someone you could talk about your childhood etc. The fact that you didn't had male role models create a unbalance in your personnality. You must know what made all this beggin. So go see some healers, reiki, psychologs, don't restrain yourself to medical help, energetics help , and lightworkers could help you too.

You can buy some gemstone to help you during this healing process, " THE SUGILITE " is perfect for this work, go buy a sugilite stone and pendant. You'll need to put the sugilite stone on your sacral chakra ( google it), to heal your sexual deviances ( learn how to clean and charge your stones tho)

You know, some porn videos are infected with demons, and spells, so it give more power to the hypnosis, and make you unaware of what's happening. I listened sissy hypnos and some of them made me feel weird in the first sec, like a force were pushing me down. Anyway, just be aware that some files are infected ( some mistresses, maybe 80% of misstresses are wiches, sorceres, be carefull, because your soul is precious, your soul is the real you, you, you are your ego ).

When you are infected by porn demons and demonic hypnos, you have to clean yourself ( encens ( white sauge burning, benjoin ), payers ( to the protector of your religion), some videos on youtube ( sapien med, entitie removal , quadible integrity - cleanser aura body etc) etc.

SOmetimes, after you listened a sissy hypnosis toxic (sissy hypno to become a sexslave, to be a bbc bimbo dumbcum, to be a prostitute etc ), you are still in the trance state, and even after you've cum, you feel an empty spot to be filled by the video, or what it suggested to you. So if you watched the video the morning at 9 am, you could think about this all the day and jerk of during the day many times) Why ? because you feel like you didn't cummed well; that you need a cock in your mouth, or a bimbo body, etc to cum properly ( in your subcounscious level).
And something, it's just the spell continuing to act on you, trying to make you loose your soul, getting crazy, until you be the animal slut. ( If you see yourself without those illusions ( detachement) , you'll realize where you are : walking to a cliff, but with all this illusions, you think you are walking in a dark forest with fayries shawing you the way to happyness, while the trees are making you afraid. But you don't see that the trees are the ones who can save you , telling you were you're wrong in your vision)
When you feel your male part trying to emerge, ( it's not that easy to kill your male self), when you are fedup of sissy lifestyle and hypnosis, and that you really want to change your life, but your pulsions are too strong, there is a solution. I tried it and i had some good result for the moment.
The solution is using your climax to heal yourself.
When you climax, you are climaxing on a thought, and if this thought is " Awww I'm such a sissy slut" " Look how miserable sissy slut i am :$", this idea will take a place in your reality and brain. And it will create path on your brain, strongly.

So, my SOLUTION is, before porn/ sex etc, you have to settle a sentence you will say loud or mentally during the climax. It could be " I SUPPRESS ALL EFFECTS PORN BROUGHT IN MY LIFE " " I CALL UPON MICKEAL ARCHANGEL TO CLEAN MY ALL BEING FROM NEGATIVE INFLUENCE OF PORN" etc, you can choose and create the one talking to your situation. If you're fedup of thinking about bbc submission etc. Then when you watch your porn, you have to repeat the sentence 2 or 3 time in the begening of the video. After that, don't think about it, just immerge yourself in the video, feeling the arrousal building in ALL YOU BODY,( it's important), and when you feel you will climax, ( it's important that the climax pass through your heart and head ), you must shift the focus, and say your sentence many times loud or menttaly 1 sec before you cum. You must say this sentence with all your faith.
You will propably feel different after that.

PS: IT's JUST A SOLUTION WHEN NOTHING WORKED."

 

Holy shiz I thought I was alone. Now I'm definitely not as far as you, but I completely understand what you mean by imagining youre The girl and you're the one sucking c**k or being gay. I'm also a straight guy and and happy that way. Not that there's anything wrong with being trans or gay that's just me. I'd say we're both doing it simply because we can't get as high off regular porn. We've been doing it for quite a while and your brain gets tired of the same thing over and over again. it's just our own way of trying to make Porn feel as good when we first started. If you're worried about you're sexuality just think of it like this. Would you actually date a guy in real life or have sex with one or change your gender? Just think of it realisticly and that answers that. I hope you're able to get out of this hole and no that you're alone. shoot me a message if you're ever in need of anything!

 

I had to make an account just because I wanted to thank you for your advice. I agree that there is more to porn addiction (or any addiction) than meets the eye here in the physical realms. I'm sure most people on here are like "wtf is this guy talking about? " and just ignored your post. PEOPLE THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT . There are indeed negative entities and demons magick that are attached to a lot of porn. Actually when you PMO to porn or worst edging, you are in fact participating in sex magick. The sex drive is an extremely powerful part of your being. Sexual energy is the energy of creation. Not just to make babies but can be used to drive you to your goals in life (lookup sexual transmutation, Napoleon Hill, think and grow rich) Your are right as when you look at sexy women, it's your natural drive to push you to make babies. Porn eventually highjacks that connection in your brain to be turned on by women and slowly turns it in to being turned on by porn and then you condition yourself to be turned on by other types of porn. What sissy hypno does is starts with images that you find arousing then adds in subliminal messages and transgendered person images. Because you are distracted at first by real women, it makes it very easy to bypass your conscience mind and slip in these new beliefs which subconscisly become part of your sex drive and you are very powerfully drawn back to more sissy hypno. You basically have used sexual transmutation to manifest into your reality more sissy porn. This is why sex is used in advertising like a pair of nice boobs next to a Carl's Jr burger ad . The advertisement slip in and become part of your sex drive and may unknowingly drive you to bring a Carl's Jr burger into your reality. The fix for me was Cleansing my Sacral Chakra by using frequencies from Quadible Integrity on youtube. I also have been listening to aura cleansing and love energy videos as well. Also subliminal shinobi on youtube has a subliminal for porn addiction as well. I also did a few sessions of hypnosis to remove negative subliminal messages and brainwashing that may have been caused by porn hypno. All these I found on youtube. I highly recommend this !!!! I cannot even begin to explain how powerful these tools are. It really works! Might take a few sessions but changes for me were felt immediately after most sessions. After I felt these messages were gone completely from my subconsios I listened to alpha male subliminals and hypnosis and they work wonders. I used to fantasize about porn and hypno vids when I was horny. Now I am actually back to fantasizing about real women and it feels great! it gives me the drive and confidence to actually go get laid! My advice is to stop worrying about how fucked you are (you are your best hypnotist) and that you might turn into a trans lol ....and be optimistic about fixing yourself . Remove those negative suggestions from your subconscos the way they got there in the first place , by diving deep into your subcpnsios through hypnosis and removing them. And then clear your spirit body of negative entities that are attached. This is the fastest way. Trust me it works!

PS . Redirecting your sexual energy to other things other than real women. Like money, Carreer, or just about anything you want to manifest into reality is a powerful tool to help you become successful in life As well. Read Napoleon Hill Think and Grow Rich. Also look up Sex Magick. So stop redirecting it and wasting it on porn! Or on lust and meaningless sex in general. Porn and the sexualization of society is a way that evil forces suck the creative energy out of mankind to make you less powerful by redirecting that power to them kinda like a succubus. Lust is a way that evil tries to trick you into being a slave. We are all incredibly powerful beings we need to realize that!!!

 

I cant believe this site. WOW, I cant believe that there are actually other people who have thought like I do. For years, I thought I was this weirdo, who had these very unusual fantasies, the ones that many have already described. I'm 48, and I remember when I was in my early 20's, visiting my folks place and trying on my mothers and sisters used boxes of clothing in their basement when no one was around. This interest in crossdressing continued for many years in my 20's. I would seek out mistresses to dress me up. Then it got weirder when I spent thousands of dollars going on phone chat lines, and looking for women who enjoyed these type of fantasies. The submissive fantasies evolved from dressing up, to now acting the female part in every imaginable way, including thinking about men. The submissive fantasies just evolved and continued to evolve,and fantasy became more powerful than reality. I'd watch a porn scene between a male and a female, and I'd imagine that I was her. I spent the past couple of days, masterbating aggressively to gay porn scenarios where a gay male is performing a table massage on a bicurious male, and I'd fantasize exploring with a male for the 1st time. Then when I was at the peak of arousal, I'd call a woman on niteflirt, and would get an even greater arousal by telling her what I was thinking, and got off on her telling me I was a gay or a faggot or sissy. I felt so morally deflated earlier tonight, realizing that I'm heading down a path of self destruction. First off, there's nothing wrong with having gay thoughts, or being gay, or feeling like a woman inside. But as much as I have these thoughts and fantasies that dominate my thinking, I also live alone, and dont own or wear any female clothing, nor am I attracted to men in real life. These fantasies that have evolved over the years, have been a crutch for me, and I believe they do relate to having low self esteem. I know that in my highest of fantasies, I always wanted a Mistress of dominant woman to play the mommy role in these scenarios, and to be mommy's little girl, and be trained with roleplays. From a distance, that seems like such deranged sick way of thinking. Yet if I look back on my childhood, I dont always remember getting alot of hugs from my mother, and I know the lack of adult relationships with women has hurt my level of healthy intimacy. I'm not here to detail the problem anymore or to glorify my past fantasies, I just want to concentrate on making some changes and focusing on a solution, and to get rid of this guilt and shame I constantly feel, by living a secret double life. I want to learn what others are doing to be successful, as a baseline. I think for me, it starts with exercise, and eating healthy and taking take of myself, and not isolating in front of a computer, like I've been so prone to doing. I hope to come to this site, and pick people's brains and what's working for them. The reason I'm here quite frankly, is that my thinking hasnt always worked out too well for me.