Stuck in your head.

This rings true in general and in relation to porn. Porn prevents me from being decisive, being confident, following through on things.

 

Regrets and doubt. Those are things I always wonder about. Should of could of and what if. I have a serious doubt of the current situation I am in. I feel that the individual I am presently with is in the relationship for convenience and just because it is comfortable. I regret not taking a leap and moving on. Over thinking and analyzing things hold us from doing what we want but is what we want what we need?

 

so what are you waiting for to move on with ypur desires? How is that being fair to the person you are with, you desiring another? How is that 100 percenet true?

 

Hey Awakeatlast! Funny coincidence coming across your posts here. I must be your real stalker since I encouraged you NOT to jump at that opportunity and here I am finding you second guessing. Just wanted to suggest that while I agree with not letting your fears interfere with your goals, I think fear is a very valuable warning signal. Especially when the easy/attractive option can harm you (PORN/drinking) and harm others (abandoning family). You must feel like you have an angel and a devil on each shoulder. Now how do you know which one is the angel??? Hey, maybe you've got 2 angels!!!

Since you have mentioned the anger many times, I'll remind you that it only hurts you. You can choose to stop being angry without needing anybody else to do or say anything. Time to dump the anger. It may feel good and self righteous in the moment but it's just like porn and weakens your personal connections. I admire how your choices over the last year have made you a much happier person and I'm sure you're finding the right balance. Always wishing the best for you buddy whichever choices you make.

 

That is exactly my problem. I am a perfectionist and i can't change. I can't begin a conversation with any girl i like because I fear the outcome , there is a 50% chance that she might not like me and that keeps me from ever trying , instead i just keep blaming myself and think that i am not good enough for anyone.
This has been holding me back for over 4 years and i ended up being alone with no friends or girlfriends . I became isolated and that's when my porn addiction started. But now i can't take it anymore , i really want to be normal and take risks but it's extremely hard.

 

Hey Sam, Boy this issue comes up a lot here. PMO kills the motivation to push past fear of connecting with others.
Key is to start small. Instead of focusing on approaching women, you might try just practicing making brief connections with anyone several times a day. Force yourself to find somebody to compliment on their watch, glasses, hat, book, car, bike, coat... and walk away. You’ll learn to notice that some people are happy you initiated contact and eager to chat more. Then you can try to find out something interesting/surprising/unexpected about them. Since you don’t know much about them ahead of time, you just need to get them talking about anything. Seems like trivial chatter but it’s how you build the skill of connecting with people. As stated on YBOP, "the opposite of addiction is connection." You really need to start building new memories of interacting with people in minor and brief chats to replace your fears. Once you can get anyone talking about themselves, approaching girls is much more fun and constructive. Better yet, they’ll approach you.

 

An eloquently stated truth that resonates deeply with this recovering perfectionist. Thank you for sharing, @elevate

 

Thanks for the advice, i will try it .

 

I only write because I can relate. I looked back at some of the stuff you had written when you joined and noticed that you take some responsibility for this person becoming the person they are today. I also noticed that you wrote such great things about them on how much you love them and how you can't be without them and how much you fought for this person. When the cat was let out of the bag you then changed your tune. All of sudden they are not the right person for you, they are not sweet or your type and then all this doubt....sounds like uncertainty and maybe even guilt. I am just an observer looking in and probably don't know the other side of the story but just thought that I would comment and felt that this was a community of support, openness and unconditional. Sorry if I offended you. If you don't want to really be with the person you should just say so and move on to the "greener pastures" if that is what you desire. But remember what other fapstronauts have said...the grass isn't always greener and the newness wear off. Hope you make the right decision for the two of you and not drag it out and make it very uncomfortable. Good luck to you... We all have demons we are dealing with.

 

WE only have one life so live it. BE cautious and reckless at the same time but remember to be true to yourself and of course not to do anything to harm others or illegal.

 

You have described my struggles, OP. I fear to do some things because of the outcomes that I imagine in my head instead of "just doing it".
I've been this way for a long time, too long as it became crippling for my life. So I was unhappy.
Yesterday I even read an article about related topics. I feel like I'm breaking through the ice in my life right now, it's a hard and tough thing to do but it's something I must do in order to maintain my happiness in the long term.

 

Hey Sam, How was yesterday? Find any chances to talk to anybody?

 

Hi @elevate , great thread. I don't think recovery is possible without discovering this courage to take risks. But I've noticed that I mistake this lack of courage for a lack of interest. If I want to talk to a girl, I'll always end up finding an excuse to cover my lack of courage ('She won't be interesting', 'She's not that pretty', "She's not worth it").

Just one question : Did you write this from your own experience or do you have a source (I'd love to read it if you do) ?

 

Reading this again makes me angry. I just found that the person I am with is looking up other people and has even looked up a fling while in a steady relationship with me. This really isn't cool. How the hell do I stay knowing that this person is not giving our relationship their full attention? WTF!!! This heightens my insecurities and question my decisions. This is how people fall back into "bad behaviors". How the fuck can someone be "with" you but want someone else? I think the saying goes you want your cake and to eat it too. I know life isn't easy or fair but when you are around people who are not honest and sneaky it makes you doubt everyone.

 

Doesn't the roller coaster of emotions take a toll on you and your SO? Will one of you eventually say Fu@k this it just isn't worth the constant frustrations and upset stomach? Doesn't it take a toll on your emotional and physical being? Do these feeling ever go away or will there always be distrust and doubt? Would it not help to say Goodbye and move on.....when does one take care of oneself and take care of our emotional and physical being?

 

How do you come up with her being a covert narcissist? What behaviour does she display? Why do you label her? And what is difficult? Being on your own?