Stuck in attempt to heal our relationship

The fact that you have been honest before and she stayed is a good one. If you dont tell her now and she finds out she wont EVER trust you again. Keep going with thr honesty. We are human we fail but lying to a woman is a fail safe way of her losing all respect for you.

 

Hello, I'm sorry to hear the turn of events but sometimes a fall makes you stronger in the long run, atleast it is not a permanent door closing and there's option for a new one to open as you spend some time apart to think things through . I have to admit that you seem to be very in tuned and mature about your situation and your gf as well. To be able to handle this with such dignity, love and respect for eachother says more about your relationship then the addiction can try to take away. You can prevail if you take these small steps of reflection, realization and respect And build your integrity, self esteem, maturity, strength for your relationship and future. Most of all, I respect your honesty to her. It makes you human, authentic and truly remorseful and deserving of a chance at recovery.
I wish my bf could realize that his failure is more about his dishonesty to his addiction then about his compulsion to it. Like most men with addictions they feel they can control it, get better if they don't think about it, move forward by not talking about it and that as long as their SO doesn't know what's going on in their heads, that it is ok because what we don't know doesn't hurt. It's all addict BS, you can't fight this war alone, this war was built on variations of trauma, loneliness, isolation, secrets. So I commend you for being real to not only yourself but her and admitting how hard it is and how much you need her support and you are doing it with honesty nd love and not duping her. THAT is what loving your partner is about, it's about being selfless to not hurt the one you love instead of lying to keep them.
Addiction IS a vicious cycle, and your gf is right, it feels like a circle. I'm sure as hurtful, sad, angry it makes her to hear your honesty, it also makes her love you for it and keep some hope alive. Without trust you really have nothing, you can't forgive what you don't know or understand you are forgiving.
You have the desire to recover, the honesty to your failings, you only need to build your will, self esteem, resolve and strength past the biochemical dependency. You are growing leaps and bounds with your failures, it shows in the aftermath of your cycle when you can acknowledge what went wrong, that's what matters most, progression, not perfection.
So regardless of if you will be able to repair things with your beloved, you are on the road to repair yourself, because it doesn't matter whom you are with, if you are an addict you will fail in any relationship. It is impossible to be an addict of any sort and have a healthy relationship, everything in life needs a balance to work or the ship eventually tips over.
Wishing you continued growth, thanks for sharing your story, I hope my guy gets to where you are one day. When the "ommissions" stop and self reflection and realizations start to clear the fog.
Like your gf, it will be almost 2 years dating soon, 9 mos since I found out about this horrific addiction, 3 mos since the bf has been starting real recovery, I hold onto hope too but like her, I feel it's a circle, one to which I do not wish to continue my whole life. If you love her and see your life will be empty without her, do all you can, join support groups, go to meetings, tell friends who can support you, take the next steps necessary to get that train rolling back up the hill. Or, you may be on this site for more mos, years to come speaking of lost love and a continued empty life in this circle to no where 8 (. Regretting that you didn't truly do what you needed to overcome.
Best of luck, keep us posted. I'm rooting for you!

 

When you say you can't control your habits and patterns what exactly do you mean? Do you think you'll ever be over this addiction?

 

Hi
Thanks for your informative reply.
I ask the questions because I'm also trying to beat porn addiction. Its cost me any hope of a decent long term relationship. I split with my lovely girlfriend of 7 months yesterday over it and at this point I feel desperate and hopeless.
I'm not sure stress is a trigger for me.....its just feeling horny really.
I do go to the gym straight after work (I work 6am until 9am) but later in the day I might feel horny and I cant return to the gym to relieve the energy.
I've been on a longest streak of 52 days but that was while having sex with my partner...I can't conceive of how I might do that again as a single man.
Anyway sorry to ramble on , I wish you all the best in your recovery , I'll be staying in touch with your story

 

No natural pleasure will ever come close to the rush and pleasure of drugs.
Thats a worrying and bleak outlook is it not? Sounds sad and hopeless to me.

 

This is really good advice. @whyte

 

Out if curiosity, did you have any sexual trauma when you were young? Ive been reading on sex addiction and causes of hypersexuality,childhood abuse is very prominent with men who are hypersexual. Sometimes being exposed for long periods through youth creates the hypersexuality that you can't control or understand. Some men I'm sure just have more testosterone but watching porn continuously I'm sure changes the brain into being hypersexual and needing that dopamine hit in sexual ways. Maybe a full reboot will help, if you can do it, and see how you feel about being horny all the time?...