This will be long so I'll add a tl;dr at the bottom. Ok, I really really need help understanding what's happening and what to do. I joined nofap some times ago but I continue to fail over and over. My current goal is to be free at least 30 days, then if I feel it do 60 and 90 etc...; today after a night full of relapses it seems a really easy task, I mean I only have to wait 30 days without touching my penis after all. the struggle Hoping that it may sound familiar to you this is what really happens: from day 1 to 8 some urges here and there but things go really well, I am confident that I can make it if I continue. I even forget what masturbation is some days. The sexual tension slowly begins to increase, and people, it never stops. It increases so much that around day 11 the need to release it becomes overwhelming. My current streak is 14 days and I remember the struggle was real. I never experienced a pressure so strong in my life. The pressure is not only strong, it's also adding up, andwithout interruption, can I resist? yes, but only if I am prepared to focus solely on nofap all day long, my life becomes: resist urges 24/7. Oh and in the night I dream about relapsing so when I wake up I feel ashamed too. (not a wet dream, never experienced a "wet dream" in my life) Also the real need is to ejaculate, I don't feel any real "need" to watch porn. I mean porn is a nice perk, but the real deal is semen realease. Yesterday I searched for porn of course, but I felt that I was wasting time while searching. failure? What really happens is that I relapse just to release this constant pressure I have on me and return to a normal life. Today I really feel ashamed and a failure and all the negative emotions that derive from giving up, but in general I feel better, I feel normal again, free from the sexual imperative commanding me to ejaculate. I can concentrate again on working and I can go out again living the life. If a god asked me you have two choices: 1) living with that pressure on you forever 2) die I'd choose to die. It's unbearable. A side note about testosterone: There are many medical evidences showing that abstaining don't actually increase testo. My personal experience: apart from pmo I am a really disciplined guy and I workout on a regular basis. Well while on nofap I am basically on juice. I count my calories, I eat more while becoming leaner, crazy strenght and gains, weights are made of paper, can train every day, never tired etc.. It's not a trick of my mind because it's evident to other people too. Also I feel very very aggressive, too much aggressive I'd say, I feel anger for everything, sometimes I have to really make a conscious effort to act calm even with my familiars and friends. Maybe it does not increases testo, but it does something very similar. After being hit by this wall of text, I am asking you: Do you think it's ok if I masturbate sometimes? Like I don't know every 15 days, without porn of course, I become so sensitive I am sure I can finish in 15 seconds . Or do you think it's better if I stick to the no pmo plan? If this is the case what can I do? I already tried and it's obvious that I can't do it like this, I need pro strats. Any advice will be welcome. Thank you very much, I appreciate your time a lot.