Stuck and confused user requesting advices from seniors nofappers

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Catondo\, Aug 14, 2018.

  1. Catondo\

    Catondo\ Fapstronaut

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    This will be long so I'll add a tl;dr at the bottom.

    Ok, I really really need help understanding what's happening and what to do.
    I joined nofap some times ago but I continue to fail over and over.
    My current goal is to be free at least 30 days, then if I feel it do 60 and 90 etc...; today after a night full of relapses it seems a really easy task, I mean I only have to wait 30 days without touching my penis after all.

    the struggle
    Hoping that it may sound familiar to you this is what really happens:
    from day 1 to 8 some urges here and there but things go really well, I am confident that I can make it if I continue. I even forget what masturbation is some days.
    The sexual tension slowly begins to increase, and people, it never stops.
    It increases so much that around day 11 the need to release it becomes overwhelming. My current streak is 14 days and I remember the struggle was real.
    I never experienced a pressure so strong in my life. The pressure is not only strong, it's also adding up, andwithout interruption, can I resist? yes, but only if I am prepared to focus solely on nofap all day long, my life becomes: resist urges 24/7. Oh and in the night I dream about relapsing so when I wake up I feel ashamed too.
    (not a wet dream, never experienced a "wet dream" in my life)
    Also the real need is to ejaculate, I don't feel any real "need" to watch porn. I mean porn is a nice perk, but the real deal is semen realease. Yesterday I searched for porn of course, but I felt that I was wasting time while searching.

    failure?
    What really happens is that I relapse just to release this constant pressure I have on me and return to a normal life. Today I really feel ashamed and a failure and all the negative emotions that derive from giving up, but in general I feel better, I feel normal again, free from the sexual imperative commanding me to ejaculate. I can concentrate again on working and I can go out again living the life.
    If a god asked me you have two choices:
    1) living with that pressure on you forever
    2) die
    I'd choose to die. It's unbearable.

    A side note about testosterone:
    There are many medical evidences showing that abstaining don't actually increase testo. My personal experience: apart from pmo I am a really disciplined guy and I workout on a regular basis. Well while on nofap I am basically on juice. I count my calories, I eat more while becoming leaner, crazy strenght and gains, weights are made of paper, can train every day, never tired etc.. It's not a trick of my mind because it's evident to other people too. Also I feel very very aggressive, too much aggressive I'd say, I feel anger for everything, sometimes I have to really make a conscious effort to act calm even with my familiars and friends.
    Maybe it does not increases testo, but it does something very similar.

    After being hit by this wall of text, I am asking you:
    Do you think it's ok if I masturbate sometimes? Like I don't know every 15 days, without porn of course, I become so sensitive I am sure I can finish in 15 seconds :D.
    Or do you think it's better if I stick to the no pmo plan? If this is the case what can I do? I already tried and it's obvious that I can't do it like this, I need pro strats.

    Any advice will be welcome.
    Thank you very much, I appreciate your time a lot.
     
  2. slink123456

    slink123456 Fapstronaut

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    If I were in your shoes, I would stop all MO, and all PMO. I understand how hard that is, but its all a waste of your time, for a couple of hours you will feel better, but when it wears off you want more. That even applies to MO -
    it just leads you back to P eventually.

    You need to do this for yourself man to live a better, cleaner life. Do whatever you can to abstain. Keep posting here, do anything if you think
    it makes you go 1 more day free.

    Good luck , and hope you have the strength and courage to remove something out of your life that doesn’t belong there!
     
  3. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    The medical "evidence" about nofap NOT increasing testosterone is BS. It's scientifically proven that masturbation activates estrogen receptors in men. You're not imagining the benefits.

    They'll say a lot of things about the so called benefits of masturbation. In most cases they'll come up with some kind of excuse that it's good for the prostate. All speculative. What they'll never tell you is that pmo: eradicates dopamine receptors, depresses the autonomic nervous system, increases levels of stress hormones such as adrenalin and cortisol, and that it can actually shrink the human brain by causing a loss in grey matter, the way cocaine does. "what's that again about the prostate?"..

    It sounds as if your need to release semen is compulsive. Stress relief is short lived. You'll need to redirect your energy towards more productive things if you want to replace this habit. Semen is not only sacred it's also very beneficial to your own body. When it's not ejaculated it will be reabsorbed and help in building neurons and make you a much more healthy, interesting person. In contrast to what some believe, your body doesn't benefit from releasing semen. Some will even go as far as comparing semen release to bowel movements. Doing this every so often is what seperates men from puppets. Think about it this way: do you really think that the greatest minds in history; Einstein, Newton, Tesla, Jobs, Gates, Musk, Von Braun, and the likes, have felt a need to release their semen without any woman involved (i.e. to masturbate)?

    Sexual self-control is the key to success. Without it society wouldn't have been what it is today. Semen's only physical goal is to enter an egg cell and create life in doing so. It carries so much dna and life force that it really should not be wasted.

    That's just how I have come to think of it. I genuinely believe semen retention can help in reaching some sort of enlightened state of being. Buddhism and other eastern philosophies seem to believe something similar.

    According to Gary Wilson intervals can actually strenghten addictive pathways so I can't really comment on whether doing it every 15 days without looking at porn would be better, but mo addiction is still addiction if you ask me. Setting a certain time will train your reward center which can keep addiction going. It's basically conditioning (much like Pavlov and his dogs). Sexual fantasy is always detrimental, but if you have to do it, just stay away from the porn in any case.
     
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  4. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    I do not agree with the idea that masturbation is always a bad thing. It could well be possible that the stress of not being allowed to masturbate increases the risk of relapsing to porn.

    I am convinced it is a personal thing and people need to work it out for themselves. For me, masturbation is not an issue. I have never relapsed because of it.

    That said: if you quit porn but you start compensating by masturbating 10 times a day (with or without porn fantasizing), then it most definitely is part of the problem. And yes, it might trigger you to watch porn again, so it could be safe to at least stop for a limited period.

    But the claim that sex and/or semen are only there for procreation and nothing else is nonsense. We humans are doing a lot of things that we were not actually built for in a strict biological sense. People really believing that should go back living as hunters-gatherers (and see how far that gets them). But feel free to believe anything you want of course, it's your life, not mine :)
     
  5. JJackson

    JJackson Fapstronaut

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  6. bken

    bken Fapstronaut

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    Tell us, what's it for then...?

    It's not because porn is highly addictive that masturbation isn't. It can still be an addiction. Sex with a real human being is much different, on many levels.

    Semen obviously is only there for procreation. That's its biological function. What you're probably implying is that it's okay to ejaculate every now and then for fun. It probably wouldn't hurt if it were done once a month or year, without porn, but if you think wasting it away every other day, with or without porn, won't harm you in anyway possible you're only kidding yourself.

     
    JJackson and slink123456 like this.
  7. ChiaraScelta

    ChiaraScelta Fapstronaut

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    First of all, I'm not an expert on the matter, so this is purely a personal view. But I am convinced that there is not one correct answer to your question. Like anything in this world, as long as you can control it, and it does not get out of proportion (meaning: you don't feel bad about it, or it does not harm your life in any way), I think there is nothing wrong about masturbation. Nature has given us the opportunity for a reason. Science also confirms this in many articles on the internet.
    However, we are all here on this forum because of our addiction. Masturbation is a symptom of this addiction. Therefor, it might not be a good thing to 'embrace' that symbol and allow it to happen. It might trigger more aspects of our addiction as well. Maybe not immediately, but over time. Personally, I believe having natural and healthy sex with a love-partner is the best thing to have to allow your semen to be released....
    It also gives you (or should give you) the possibility to discuss your rebooting process with him/her.
    My two cents...
    Good luck with your reboot!
     
  8. suntannedsailor

    suntannedsailor Fapstronaut

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    Potentially there is nothing wrong with masturbation (every 15 days or so) provided you are not addicted to masturbation. But IMHO you clearly are because it controls you. So 15 day intervals would eventually shorten to 5 days and back to full blown PMO. I am by no means a senior in nofap and still curious how it all develops but let me offer a few ideas (all tried and worked very well, when I applied them):
    - find a different way to release the excess energy and aggression. Working out is good but potentially you may need something more dynamic, like martial arts or boxing. (there is a reason why boxers just won't have sex before a match)
    - start with a simple meditation daily. Imagine that the sexual urge is an incredible resource of energy in you that you can redistribute/transmute by conscious calm breathing. I used to do meditation in the past and it was good. But these days, I restored meditation + added nofap and the effect is quite interesting. After about 10-15 minutes I develop this sensation in my arms, sometimes also legs and the whole body as if a weak current of electricity is passing through me. It does not lead to arousal, but rather calming and feeling of inner strength. I am sure nofap has a lot do with this effect. I also sit and do this meditation ad hoc if I am alone once an urge/erection comes and it's usually gone in 5 minutes.
    - remove all triggers. Try to be strict about it. It is not just porn. You need to simply stop looking at hot women, in the streets, in the fashion magazines, on TV, social media. I am still working on it but whenever I manage to have a day "without looking", it is much easier. At this stage we are still very sensitive and seeing a woman in a swimsuit can start the chain that is innocent at first but ends-up in MO. It's similar to alcohol addiction. An alcoholic cannot say "well, let me just smell the cognac you have in your glass" because he knows he would eventually take a sip, then have "just one drink" and then get trashed. Same thing with fantasies about having sex. Stop them once you catch yourself fantasizing. Meditation can help here again to gradually gain control of staying in present moment vs. getting carried away with fruitless thinking.

    and most importantly: Fall seven times, rise eight!
    Cheers!
     
    JJackson likes this.
  9. Catondo\

    Catondo\ Fapstronaut

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    Ok then,
    the general consensus is to stick with the no pmo plan, so I will.

    Here comes the problem, today is day 2 free and if I ask me right now I'm adamant about no pmo ever again.
    But I know things are gonna change in about ten days, this is not the first or the second or even the third time I failed.
    I will have "urge", and it's not going away, I can resist one hour, two hours, one day, two days, three days, even four, a week? but eventually I'm bound to fail.

    I need to change strategies here.
    - I will try meditation probably (got any good links?)
    - Accountability partners? What are they? How do you do?
    - Can you please add your personal strategy? I need tips of experienced people here. I know there are those with 100+ days free, how do they deal with it, do the pressure become weaker after some time?

    Thank you all people, this community is fantastic, and I can tell you are really trying to help.
     
  10. thedarkbird

    thedarkbird Fapstronaut

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    Get any book about mindfulness by Eckhart Tolle (example: The Power of Now) or Jon Kabat-Zinn (example: Wherever You Go, There You Are). They're both authorities on the subject. Even though there are probably a lot other authors with useful books on the subject. The core concepts are the same for all of them.

    It's important that you understand the principles behind mindfulness. Otherwise you'll be trying meditation without really knowing how or why.
     
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