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Struggling with sleeping with stangers

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by MontStar48, Jan 17, 2017.

  1. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Hey Guys & Girls

    I'm on Day 27 on my Nofap journey! Definitely been a struggle, but I can feel the growth & leveling up I'm going through. My only issue is the past few days I've been extremely horny! No girlfriend's in my life, which is a total bummer. Most of the girls that find me attractive, I'm not really into & the girls i find attractive, I haven't found the courage to approach yet..

    I don't try sleeping with the girls that are inyo me. Deep down I feel that would be taking advantage of there feelings & that just isn't me.. Typically.. These past few days I have been reaching out to random chicks on dating sites, Craig's list, even thought about ordering an escort.. All for just a piece of ass, that I'll probably never talk to again once I get my fix..

    I've tried cold showers, I workout regularly & even started an IG account to share my journey. I've been some what busy, but yet I guess i find time to Jump on these dating sites.. The urge especially comes over me at night of course..

    I'm hoping of you Ladies or Gentlemen have done advise, exercises or even words of encouragement to help me battle through this rough patch?
     
  2. Monster Carrot

    Monster Carrot Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, you are doing well! 27 days is pretty sweet. The struggle does get pretty intense. My advice would be to do whatever it takes to avoid sex with anyone, until you have a chance with someone you really care about. Otherwise it will screw up your progress, and it will be messy in general if you sleep around with girls you don't really care about.

    The struggle you are in right now is the meat and potatoes of NoFap. That's why you have also noticed the growth. It comes at a cost, which is a lot of pain over denying your urges. Every day you overcome is an incredible accomplishment, especially when it's tough. If you abstain for 2 days right after a relapse when you're flat-lining, it doesn't mean much. Two days in your current stage are worth their weight in gold.

    Keep up the good work man.
     
    Sailor93, D . J ., MontStar48 and 2 others like this.
  3. Mankrik

    Mankrik Fapstronaut

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    Quality post, speaking from experience I strongly agree with monster carrot's approach to the sitiation. Especially in regards to finding someone you really care about before having sex. Keep this streak up man, this might sound weird, but I gurantee you will start to find answers within yourself as the streak progresses and the dark times will turn brighter than anything you have previously experienced.
     
    MontStar48 and D . J . like this.
  4. SupBruh

    SupBruh Fapstronaut

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    Great to hear about the progress, man.

    My question is, what is your end-goal with NoFap? Is it to find a girlfriend? To get rid of OCD thoughts?

    You are villifying quite natural urges here; urges to have sex. What makes you think girls you believe to be 'into you', don't just want to have sex too? What part of consensual sex is taking advantage of another?

    My advice is to not limit yourself; if you think you can have sex, go ahead. It's part of the process. Without it, you might never find the courage to approach the girls you find attractive. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2017
    MontStar48 likes this.
  5. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate it yo it's been a difficult journey & I think I've gotta learn to stop looking at women in a sexual manner..

    All my relationship as of the past 2 years have been based around sex & nothing more (Though I want the real thing)

    But yeah, thanks for the encouragement, sitting here on day 29 & feeling a bit stronger..
     
    D . J . likes this.
  6. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Not weird sounding at all yo! I'm already thinking a bit clearer & looking for solution to problems I didn't even think I had..

    Pefect example, sleeping with women I didn't think too much of. I want a meaningful connection & I'm learning how important that is to me through this process.. Thanks for the encouragement!
     
    Mankrik and D . J . like this.
  7. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    How are you doing today?
     
    MontStar48 likes this.
  8. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Interesting perspective!

    My end game is to be an overall better person, better man & productive member of society.. Porn was taking so much of my time & molding my mind to look at women as nothing more than just sex objects, which was unhealthy..

    Women I "didn't find attractive" that were in to me.. Talked about relationships & how I'm such a good guy, and they couldn't see why I was single..

    I knew it was easy to throw a few sweet words their way & I was in.. Booty calls for the week.. But sex with them was spent thinking about my favorite pornstar or I'd just end up limp..

    The women I did find attractive, either instantly friend zoned me or.. I wasn't brave enough to approach

    But being 4hrs away from 30days nofap free, I feel my confidence building & I'm actually trying yo push myself out my comfort zone more
     
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  9. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Today I'm feeling pretty decent! Thanks for asking.. Honestly there is this girl, that I'm am only interested in sexually, who has kinda been pushing to visit & I may be guilty of plating seeds in her mind.. So I'm trying to stop myself from that interaction
     
    D . J . likes this.
  10. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    What I'm hearing you are on your way. What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  11. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    It's not worth it. To be with someone only sexually is creating a live porn scene with you two in it where once you O, you can stop the movie. She's better than that... YOU'RE better than that. Remember, it's easier to make a mess than it is to clean it up. We all enjoyed making he PMO mess and now it's clean-up time where the longer and harder you played making the mess, the more sacrifices must be made to clean it up. At least you aren't the only one cleaning.
     
    Strength And Light and Sailor93 like this.
  12. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Shower's & walks have worked for me thus far.. Trying to be more social & get out the house has also been away I try to stay in the present.. But being social can be quite expensive living in the city.. Especially for someone trying to save!

    So with this I'm saving money mentality & keeping women company.. I'm usually at home with a woman I probably shouldn't be home with lol

    (All this is before my 29 day streak)
     
    D . J . likes this.
  13. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Check out In Case You Didn't Know for strategies and tips to help you along your journey.
     
    MontStar48 likes this.
  14. vulture175

    vulture175 Fapstronaut

    Say no to having sex with strangers. I've done it. At first i thought it would be a cool experience, but all i got was a big big hole of emptiness after the "fun" (not fun at all), and the emptiness lasted for at least one week to feel normal again. No. No. Noooooooooooo
     
  15. JustinX

    JustinX Fapstronaut

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    I give you different advice. I currently testing it on myself and seems to work at least partly. I also have troubles with the similar things at least past 7 years I was never fall in love with any woman (I am 100% hetero) it was always only about sex and nothing more, there was maybe attraction but never love.
    Since my current challenge I ordered myself to watch romantic movies. I was never fan of them, I usually watched action, historic or scifi movies. And I still dont like romantic movies so much, but now after each movie I am starting to feel the need that I want to find somebody, a woman like form that movie, who I can love, just hug, hold hands, support.. previously totally unknown feelings. That I need not just pleasure but a real love. You should try it , it might help you too!
     
  16. Strength And Light

    Strength And Light Fapstronaut

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    Each new woman is like another tab of porn in your web browser. Even if you bang the hottest woman ever, it will not give you lasting satisfaction and happiness. You will only suffer from wanting another, this one hotter in some obscure way. It's the same escalation effect as watching porn. What you're really looking for is self-esteem, so you end up trying to find women who tell you how great you are, how hot you are, etc... thinking that will make you feel good about yourself - but it doesn't. That's because only you can affect your SELF-esteem. You cannot get self-esteem from an outside source - not from beautiful women, more money, more social power, etc... It has to be cultivated by you by doing things that raise your opinion of yourself.

    I've been exactly where you are. You can learn to grow your self-esteem. You got this.
     

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