Struggling to go clean even for 3 days

Discussion in 'Under 20' started by Meonggg, Jul 5, 2018.

  1. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Lost.
    The perfect word to describe my current state of well-being. I've been slave to PMO for almost three years, spent my whole high school on this wrong doings. I've felt everything. Social anxiety, toxic relationships, self-hatred, the list goes on, and I blame PMO and myself for falling into the bottomless pit. I really, really, REALLY want to change, for good. Leave this horrific habit behind and get on with my life.
    I've been fortunate enough to be accepted in one of the top universities in my country (All praise to God). I want to really enjoy myself in university and not entangled by PMO.

    So here I am.
    July 7th, 2018.
    Declaring war againts Porn, Masturbation, and Orgasm.
    This is day zero.
    My journey starts here.
    I am assured it won't go as smooth, relapses are inevitable,
    but I will try, and try, and try.

    As glory is not in times enemies are defeated,
    but to stand up tall in defeat.

    [ D A Y : 0 ]
    In the name of God, I'll change for the better.
     
    r8js likes this.
  2. r8js

    r8js Fapstronaut

    1,047
    1,546
    143
    Congratulation,stay strong. Ur self esteem analysis is very good. U initiated to defeat ths evil addiction is very courageous
     
  3. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    9:37 AM
    July 6th, 2018.
    I managed to go one full day,
    before I relapsed.

    Things got into my head. I'm on school break at the moment, and it's really easy to get distracted by things and fall back into the pit.
    The thing with this addiction is that you feel guilty everytime, and that adds up more and more to your self-hatred situation.
    But, I found out that the problem isn't with self-hatred (well it is still a problem), but with the guilt.

    The guilts progressively fades bit by bit in each and every relapses. And this is the concerning part.
    DO NOT lose your guiltiness.
    I'm trying to embrace my guilt to get away from this habit.

    Starting again from the bottom.
    Day zero.
     
    Ambrose Grant likes this.
  4. Ambrose Grant

    Ambrose Grant Fapstronaut

    61
    830
    83
    Keep fighting, find some good strategies, for that you can check recovery section of the forum. Stay blessed, may God help you.
     
    Meonggg likes this.
  5. Ambrose Grant

    Ambrose Grant Fapstronaut

    61
    830
    83
    Also work out helps me, maybe it will work for you!
     
  6. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Forgot to log.
    Afraid, actually.
    I've been clean for two days, until last night.
    Major problem right now is making sure I stick to this, because in my experiences is that the will, the fire within, the courage to fight back,
    only last for the first days.

    This is day zero.
     
  7. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Day zero.
     
    Ambrose Grant likes this.
  8. Ambrose Grant

    Ambrose Grant Fapstronaut

    61
    830
    83
  9. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    I'm not gonna PMO today because it makes me awkward and social anxious, which makes people around me uncomfortable.

    #I'mNotGonnaPMOBecause
    #GoFightWin
     
  10. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    I'm not gonna PMO tonight because

    it lowers my brain capacity and productivity, and makes me forget about many things, even the simplest, smallest things!
    I am afraid it can give significant disadvantages in the long run, especially in my academic pursues.

    #I'mNotGonnaPMO
     
    Ambrose Grant likes this.
  11. Ambrose Grant

    Ambrose Grant Fapstronaut

    61
    830
    83
  12. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    I'm not gonna PMO today because

    It deepens my hate towards myself, and that itself creates a really toxic and unhealthy state of mind,
    which in the end usually winds up saddening and hurting people around me.

    #I'mNotGonnaPMOBecause
     
  13. Everything gets better and better after just a few days. Vice versa, everything gets worse after having to start again.
    Do 100 push-ups, take a cold shower, make yourself tired somehow, anything.
    Strong will doesn't exist by itself. It's developed in time, and it has to be nourished.
    Afterwards, you become stronger than you can imagine, and happier than ever. That's reality after only a brief period of pain. But you have to live through it. Several days of pain, and then happiness.
     
    Meonggg likes this.
  14. Coalesce Baden

    Coalesce Baden Fapstronaut

    5
    10
    3
    I'm in a similar boat trying to get clean for university, and one thing I'm keeping in mind is that every day where I do productive, or even non-productive but engaging activities, it's an easy day to keep the streak going. Just a thought in mind to keep it up!
     
    Meonggg likes this.
  15. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Thank you so much
     
  16. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Will do! Thanks
     
  17. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Okay, 2 days.

    I'm not gonna PMO today because I am afraid of losing my memories, short-term memories.
    Sometimes when I want to do something, just a split second after that, I completely forgot what I was going to do in the first place.
    And it is really frightening and annoying.
    I want to be healthy.
    I want to be the best version of myself.

    #I'mNotGonnaPMOBecause
     
  18. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    This is my first time ever making it this far after so long, I'm not joking! :'D

    I'm just so grateful for everything right now, the small steps matter.

    Onto the next one!

    I'm not gonna PMO today because I don't want to be stupid. PMO made me forget a LOT of things, and that's a hugehugeHUGE problem, considering my age.

    I just want to be normal.
    I just want to live normal.
    I want to feel normal.

    #I'mNotGonnaPMOBecause
     
  19. I'm so glad for you! It's going to be tricky now, so be extra careful. But, oh man, soon you'll feel even better! One more day, one more win.
     
  20. Meonggg

    Meonggg Fapstronaut

    22
    11
    3
    Sadly, lust got the best of me today.
    It was a good run. I was smiling all day yesterday.
    This. This sucks. I wasn't able to control myself and I think that's one of the scariest thing you get from this sinful deeds. The incapability of controlling yourself.

    I feel really, really bad right now :/
    But I'm not giving up, not now, not tomorrow. I will keep on fighting.

    Here I go. Day zer0.
     

Share This Page