Struggling Help

I feel you
I'm also lonely & constant relapsing.
Nobody invites me to social gathering or i don't know anywhere. Life with pmo sucks.

 

You need to look at your heart. When we are disconnected form our own hearts life becomes a real struggle. We don't have deep internal love in us so we desperately try to go outside and find it in somome to give us what we are lacking. But it never works like this because people we approach feel our emptiness, neediness and desperation. They know we came to them to take from them. So they move away from us leaving us in our profound loneliness and emptiness.

The answer is to heal your heart and reconnect with it. When your heart surrenders to the eternal love, everything changes. You fill up, have more energy and living becomes a joy. We become deeply internally connected to that eternal source of life within us. This changes the vibrations we put out and people start feeling we are there to give to them. And when you give out of your own love and they give out their love..... you create something beutiful.

 

That's deep.

 

That is the path to true healing. I know it because I have walked it. I am still walking it. Only in November 2015 I was here posting comments about my own extreme loneliness in this forum, about my suecidal thoughts and my own pain. But now, everything is getting better and better. Even when I am lying in bed at night I feel this profound peace inside of my heart. Now I have finally something to give to people and people around me start noticing it. They are starting to come towards me. Their hearts start opening and they start trusting me again. They react diferently to me now. That is the way to end your own pain and suffering and it is profoundly healing. It is there waiting for you too if you decide to explore it further.

The doors to healing are always open, to anybody. All you need is to decide to seek that internal love inside of yourself. It is there but you cannnot see it or fell it because it is buried under unprocessed grief, addiction and heart brakes. But you can regain it anytime. When you decide you have enough of your pain and will do whatever it takes to get better.

 

i often stalk my friends on social media and envy them. or i go in past and think of good old days. i guess it's okay to have such emotions. it sort of means we want something good in our own lives to happen.

i also dont get invited at social gatherings but i am very unsocial and never try to initiate contact or whenever i call i end up whining or talking of 'good ol days'.

what helps me at times is remembering even my friends are struggling with life. they also are unhappy with their career and lives. so i'm not the only one. that sort of helped reduce the envy. its not like i want them to suffer. but i realized that everyone has some problem or the other. so it's not like my friends have it all.

 

Yes you would feel it through my writing. Imagine how it feels in person or even better, being that person yourself who has that internal peace in your heart. It is new thing for me, I just got it 2 days ago. It comes with total surender of my heart to that universal all knowing and all healing energy. It is mega profound change healing everything. Everybody around is noticing it.

Before I would be in panic, excruciating pain, loneliness and wild mood swings. I had PTST, developmental trama and was so unwell that my therapiest quit her job telling me I was manic and needed meds. Many people also thought I was condescending and my doctor told me I was hypohondriac. I had so many physical symptoms such as chest pains, abdominal pains, depression, anxiety, suecidal thought. I had no friends and nobody would call me. I had to quit my job. I married a psychopath because I though that was love and believed God was sadistic. Basically all my life I was in excruciating pain using meds and addictions to run away from it.

But now. I am better than ever in my entire life and I am still growing. Once your heart and soul starts growing in self love it just gets better and better. Profoundly better and on all levels.

 

Hello
I am pretty much in the same situation but I tell myself this will be a transient situation. It works well with me.