Struggling. Could do with some advice. Anyone?

Hey Sir,

I'm quite a senior member, but I wouldn't call myself an expert. These all sound like pretty typical withdrawal symptoms and you're doing well to stay on course. They will pass. Lots of other things will happen. Some things will get worse, some things will get better.

Keep going is all I can say.

Gabe Deems videos on YouTube and most of the Your Brain on Porn website are good guides as to what you can expect in terms of withdrawal symptoms.

Keep positive and keep on going!

 

Not much to add to what DonB said, just that it may help if you force yourself to do the things you don't feel like doing, and make yourself eat healthy. A lack of routine can lead to relapse, so doing things helps.

 

I certainly don't count myself as every "healed" if there is such a term. I realized, I've embedded some stuff I'll have to carry the rest of my life. But that being said, it's my choice to handle my internal thoughts. I agree with DonB... it sounds normal.... like your losing your best friend. That little fantasy sexy girl online. Shes always ready to be down with you! She whispers in your ear "it's ok babes I want to make your problems go away" The reality is she's playing you for fool and cares nothing about you at all. Once you spend time with her in your mind, you realize that things are pretty much the way they were. That being said, you really love her too, but you also hate her.

Keep going, break out of any habitual routines... If you're sitting at the TV all the time, move! Get outside. Change up your exercise.... Cardio? do Weights!! Running? do biking... whatever. Addictions are steeped in routines and become self fulfilling. Break the routines and Do something YOU want to do!!

You've got 18 days under your belt... Go back not that long ago and realize you couldn't probably do anything like this... So give yourself some well deserved credit... Don't get cocky though (pun not intended but may be accepted if you wish). Move forward. Accept the urges and move on, they mean nothing. And you're simply not going to go back to the lying fantasy girl.

Cheers, best wishes.
HF

 

I have been keeping track of advice I give myself. Some of it has helped a bunch. Here it is:

The Devil has a million tricks to get me to fail. I have only one defense. Saying NO.
OK - One more. Get up and DO something.
Be happy. Being unhappy is a choice.
There is no excuse. Even the slightest bit is poison.
No simple metric. This is a lifestyle change for good. Just like smoking.
Focus on the upside. I WILL improve more and more over time.
Forgive, forgive, forgive. Self and other.
Counting successful days in a row just creates internal stress and subconscious urge to sabotage. Just wake up committed every day and stay committed.
Cut off the impulse the second it starts.
Think like a boy, act like a boy. Think like a man, act like a man.
Don't keep track of days. Just stay 100% committed
Make progress in other areas
Today is going to be a good day

(by the way, I refer to my sub-conscious sabotage urge as 'the devil'. I don't believe there is a little red guy with a pitchfork, but whatever works...)

 

Hi Doctor Debit,

have you already been on this website and have you watched this video?
http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series

I recommend highly to watch it entirely to understand how porn is changing the brain structure and what can be done.
Be careful: it includes some images that could maybe trigger you (like pictures that represent porn or sex, but in a scientific context of course)
So if you're not ready for this yet you might just read most of its contect on the website (I guess)
OR you can only listen to the vid.

Other than that stay in contact with your fellow fapstronauts

 

oh, I realise I haven't seen where the threat begins and thought Doctor Debit was the questioner.
Anyway, I'm glad that your symptoms has gone away and that yourbrainonporn.com was useful to you, sirfapstinence.

I'd like to add that the mentioned video also helped me to understand why I had relapsed and what's the reason for all the difficulties with reboot neurologically.
(The lecturer explains, for example, that in the beginning of a reboot the brain of an addict grows even more connections between the porn-related memory and the rewarding-system)

The knowledge about brain changes and loss of grey matter caused by PMO may lead to a higher motivation and conviction to quit.

 

thanks for the website dude, looks very interesting.

 

1) you're going through withdrawals still
2) sounds like your flatlining too

One way to help yourself and your mind is to read! Commit to reading 50 pages a day of any book, it has tremendous psychological benefits one being that it's the most therapeutic way of relaxing you and focussing your mind. Above all other media, listening to music etc. Reading is the BEST.

and when you start to read material from self help books you'll feel fulfilled. I can't advise stronglyenough how these are ytransforming of your opinions on life and experiences.

 

I have looked at some youtube stuff, but this one seems more comprehensive. I watched some and will finish it later. Thanks for this. I pretty much know the validity of what is being said here, and have experienced most of the benefits even with my two-week stints. I decided to finally join this group to help get avoid the relapses. By the way, how do you put one of those little timelines on your profile?

Fast forward about an hour:

Wow. This is an amazing and comprehensive explanation of the subject. I recognized MANY processes going on that I had not realized were going on. VERY happy that when I was in my teens, it was the '60's and there was no internet. Just had to use the lingerie section of the JC Penney catalog like other kids. I have never been more confident that I am going to reboot successfully this time. Thanks again for this link.

 

I imagine the shock of hitting reality (without any virtual escape into fantasy) is quite hard. For the first time, we have to really face our problems head on. But there is no other option, it will get easier, we are actually making our real lives better, and there is no other option.

 

Boy, you need to develop a hobby and work on acquiring new skills.
Learn speak, explore travel. Remember life is small it is just 5 lack of productive hours and very little time to explore the world.

All the best