Striving to add more ascetism to my life

Discussion in 'Ages 25-29' started by georgfi, Mar 14, 2018.

  1. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    28 y.o. tommorow.

    I've been a masturbation lover since I was like 7. I discovered it randomly in a strange way without knowing what I was really doing.
    Was not a popular child in school.
    Had messed up attitude towards women having read a pickup book at 15 y.o. It raised my confidence by devaluing the image of women. Really nasty shit.

    Real problems connected to porn started at ~20 y.o, the same time I gained access to unlimited internet and discovered I can use it to watch all kinds of porn more easily then ever before. Simultaneously, there started problems in my love life (friend zone with a wrong girl) and my education (the last years of colledge were really hard). I dipped into the porn and almost secluded life head deep, and to this day consider those times the worst and most desperate. My sense self-worth plummeted and I sought some exit from it in seeking a relationship with a handful of girls.

    Eventually, I found a girl with equally low self-esteem and started to date with her. She attracted me very much physically, but our conversations was never really deep. Initially, it helped me out of my miserable cycle.
    Long story short, there were ups and downs, we dated ~6 years dropping in and out. A year ago, I realized that some problems could not be resolved and some things poisoning our relationship can not be fixed. We broke up for good 6 months ago, and I was greatly relieved by that!

    So, to my current situation.
    Recently, I started thinking about my financial situation. I investigated all the ways to manage and invest money, and I calculated that the best way for me now is to get into mortgage.
    I finally got into it, like, a month ago.
    Since then I started to lead a new, cheap-bastard, style of life. I cut my spendings on all fronts. I could soon write a book on little tips on how to be as cheap as possible. Of course, I find reasonable trade offs, so I don't take a public transport ride ticketless.
    For example, I started to always bring a bottle of water with me not to spend money on it when I want to drink. Going further, on the end of each workday, I always fill a bottle from the workplace cooler to get a liter of water for free.

    The good thing in it is, I started to regularly plan what I will be spending my scarce money on. With that mode of thinking, I eventually started to look at other places I might "save" on.
    Recently, I've been constantly tired not of anything particularly, but in general. I figured that I can save a little bit of energy not habitually fapping every night before sleep.
    I've managed to hold on for 3 weeks already, and still going.

    I wanted to share the good mode of thinking that helped me achieve this so far.
    In one of his videos, Adam Neely (a great musician), answering someone's question, said:

    "If you give up practicing [almost impossible piece] now, your brain will remember that decision and it will affect your approach to such situations in the future, forcing you to give up again. Instead, if you persist, your brain will remember that instead, making you grittier and an overall better person."

    I applied that gem of knowledge successfully to give myself a motivation to not relapse so far.

    'Till later!
  2. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    So, today was my birthday.

    I handled it pretty well. Bought my colleagues fresh fruits and vegetables to eat instrad of usual pizza. It was accepted awesomely.

    A better part of females have helped me to handle the preparations of food, it was a really warming experience.

    Also, today I made a progress with my working tasks, having mentally restrained myself from aimlessly browsing the internet.

    It was only the first step, because ever since I stopped fapping I started to sink my time and my attention to constantly playing games or browsing the same internet sites (comics, tech news, Reddit) over and over again.

    Yesterday I read a post on Reddit by this guy who went Berserk mode for a month! Berserk meaning no internet or smartphone. It was kinda incredible for me to think it was even possible for a week!

    So, I started to look at my mode of spending time, and since I'm on a high roll, to try to limit my time spent on the useless activities. Going no internet would be too extreme for me, but the least I can do is to plan what I'll use a smartphone for the next minute and put it away as soon as zip finished the planned activity.

    So far, it worked nicely and I seemed to be able to achieve a lot more than in a usual mindless day.

    Ok, I'm kinda feel put down for not seeing any comments, but oh well :)
    billiammn, black_coyote and Jason123 like this.
  3. Happy birthday bro, and congratulations on your streak, I really liked the Adam Neely quote since I'm a musician myself, I have a hard time aswell regarding practice sessions, they never seem to be enough and there's always something more to be done ahead of us.

    Berserk mode? didn't heard of it but boy, it is extreme, I'm at the moment trying the monk mode, avoiding the most social media I can and trying to focus on myself.

    What more did you to do save money? I always enjoyed a more ascetic lifestyle, because in the end the pleasures that are like porn end up messing us up in the long run.

    Anyways, keep strong on your journey!
    black_coyote, Jason123 and georgfi like this.
  4. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Thanks, bro! Congrats with the two weeks milestone! :)

    Yeah, the monk mode seems to be much more feasible! :) And getting rid of the instant gratification of social media is getting you pretty far already.
    The guy who went Berserk told me he has an old Nokia or something. And he's using the internet only in a public library. Still incredible for me, as my phone serves me like a necessary communication and accounting hub.

    I fully agree on the pleasures messing us up like porn. I thought about it countless times in the past weeks. I'm watching my flatmates and how they spend their money, and I can see the resistance and friction in their heads as they watch me preparing basic unprocessed foods like vegetable soup. For them it's like too much stress for nothing. :)

    OK, here are more things I save money on:
    - I eat food only prepared by myself. I'm planning everyday what I will eat tomorrow, what should I buy and what should I prepare in the evening. I'm using the cheapest vegetables that are abundant inmy country (cabbage, potatoes, carrots, beetroot and onion), whole chicken (I also make chicken broth from it), eggs, various grains that I can get for cheap (in my country it's buckwheet, rice, oat, millet and others), the cheapest fruits I can get like apples, oranges and bananas. Also, I eat everything else when I'm a guest at someone's home. :)

    - I'm a drummer, so I asked my parents for the birthday to get me a capable hand cargo trolley to get my drums to the rehearsal studios, not to pay the rent for them. It's a huge deal!

    - I stopped using taxi services full period. Wow it's expensive! Wanted to buy an illegal student card, but decided to not go to that territory.

    - I'm walking to and from my work (~25 min). I'm blessed to live relatively near it, I know.

    - I've constrained my social life to only cheap or free activities, like going to free ice skating and skiing places, inviting people to my home and visiting their home. I stopped going to cinema, concerts, cafes, burger bars.

    - I've installed two apps on my phone: one called "Fortune city" that incentives me to track my spending, the other one is limiting my monthly and daily spending, showing me how much money I'm left to spend today. It's the Russian app with only Russian interface called "Tzlvt".

    - (big one) In the couple of days after my payday I sit down and do an excel spreadsheet to try to foresee any regular and one-time spendings for the next month. And the rest of the money I pour into mortgage (of course, I have a safety buffer).
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2018
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  5. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    The next day after my last journal entry I have thrown a birthday party, and boy it was great. Spending time with friends is a true pleasure.
    The inner cheapo of me grounded his teeth for the spent money, but the spending was planned ahead, and I blew the maximum prediction of it only a bit.

    OK, this week I tried to constrain myself more from the time-sinking activities on the internet. It worked mostly well, and I want to share one method for accomplishing a goals for the day.

    In the beginning of the day you sit and write something in the lines of
    "Today will be considered a good day if I accomplish these three goals:"
    ... and write the three goals you wish to achieve today.
    In the end of the day or tomorrow you look at what you had actually done, and analyze what went well and what didn't and why.
    As a podcaster CGP Grey said in the last episode of Cortex "Goals are dumb", this method proved to be ridiculously effective for him, but he never could manage to do it consistently for more than two weeks.

    OK, enough for today, I need to prepare my food. :)
    black_coyote and Jason123 like this.
  6. Jason123

    Jason123 Fapstronaut

    @georgri I really enjoyed reading your posts. Your tips for being a "cheapo" lol are great. I have downloaded the Fortune City app and want to give it a try. And Happy Belated Birthday! Looking forward to more of your posts :)
    RealMe and georgfi like this.
  7. black_coyote

    black_coyote Fapstronaut

    Belated birthday wishes!

    And its good to see you made past one month! And sensible decision regarding managing your finances.

    Cheers! Float on!!
    georgfi likes this.
  8. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Thanks for giving me feedback, it really helps keeping it up! :)

    Great that you installed the app, it enables me to look at the past month's spending and see how much exactly I did spend on food, on transport, on drums, on other things.
    This data proves to be invaluable.
    Jason123 likes this.
  9. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Okay, I spent my weekend great, judging by the completion of my daily goals.
    The problem is that I completed the last goal for yesterday way too late in the night. Coupled with physical exercises yesterday, my physical state today is pretty miserable. I can only think at a snail's pace and barely feel any life in me.

    The great thing, on the other hand, is that my emotional state is fucking solid! My mood is pretty untouched by my body. I can set goals and I can function well.
    I strongly attribute it to NoFap, 'cause otherwise I'd also feel like shit deeply inside, unmotivated to do anything. It happened to me too many times in the past.

    Because of this stability, I can keep my libido (heightened by the lack of sleep and the sense of "dying" of my body) under control, and turn my mind back to neutral-calm.

    Bros, I feel progress!
    By routinely denying my mind of cheap pleasures, I feel stable in worse than ideal times.

    So keep it up everyone, it definitely pays its dividends off!
    Jason123 likes this.
  10. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Yesterday I was feeling like my body is dying. Today is the opposite.
    I'm very energetic, all thanks to physical exercises.

    My mind is ready to jump at anything and destroy it to the ground. I have to be very cautious not to spend too much energy on anything non-productive. In this state I find everything interesting and engaging. So, I have to set borders and restrictions to guide my wild mind.
    Also, I have to watch my levels of excitement, not to over-burn or emotionally explode at a colleague.

    I'm going to do physical exercises more today, to prolong that energetic state. I love it!
    Yesterday there were a couple of slides of mind and urges. Like, lying in bed trying to fall asleep, I had a tickling sensation on my dickhead. Coupled with that my mind might have gone to thinking about sex territory. Bros, it felt so natural to do something to stop the tickling! Like, my body calling me to fuck or at least jack off to release the energy potential.

    But with great effort I returned my mind to the controlled tracks, thinking that converting that potential energy into something productive would be great! And the tickling soon ceased.
    Returning the mind to a neutral state is always a challenge.

    Stay the course, bros, be brave to battle your natural instincts.
    Jason123 likes this.
  11. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    OK, today is the sleep-deprived day.
    Mind is feeble, clutches on to everything that is stimulating. I have to constantly remind myself to check what exactly I'm doing and why.

    I'm trying to time track my working day. I settled with "Toggl". It allows me to use browser and also Android app, syncing the timer seamlessly.
    Also, it does support "Pomodoro" technique (to remind me to check if I'm doing futile work with my wandering brain), although I have to check whether the implementation of it is any helpful for me.

    My health condition is deteriorating, because of the restless sleep and dropping temperatures on the outside (my lungs don't like cold air).

    The emotional background is "I'm still asleep, but whatever". Had I been fapping, it would've been "please, kill me NOW".

    Tonight, one of my restless dreams was about watching some explicit content and edging. In my dream, I turned my look from the content and stopped myself from edging because of "oh, but I'm abstaining from doing it", and woke up with a stone boner, desperately wanting to pee.

    My will is unbendable even in my dreams, haha))
    Stay strong, bros!
    Neuriel likes this.
  12. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Hello, my dear diary, you are my sole and only listener. XD

    Today is the sick day.
    My experiments with the two-phase sleep and also cold outside temperatures have given the results.
    I'm coughing a bit, have a minor headache, my nose is bit runny, my throat is a bit itchy.
    Have to carefully watch myself, and avoid going outside as much as possible.

    The main challenge for today is avoiding slipping into the internet bliss. Yesterday evening I felt sick and tired, so accidentally I watched 3 hours of long-forgotten Youtube. Mainly, Vsauce videos. He's got weird jokes and also mind-blowing facts. It's both entertaining and educating. So, my brain is in this mode of seeking for the stimulating content, "oh please feed me the fucking good stuff!", and I have to be very cautious today.

    If anything, I started this "in search for asceticism" diary exactly for the purpose of developing the discipline of constraining my brain from the internet and directing the freed energy to something productive.

    Today morning, I had an unceasing boner all along. Is this because of your content, stimulating and weird Michael from Vsauce channel? :) #totallynotgay

    Have a nice day, bros. Stay healthy.
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  13. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Today is a craving for stimulus day.

    I'm adequately energized, and my brain is on a full fledged hunt for stimuli.
    It's a good state because it's a form of a hunger, which can be transported to work tasks.

    But it also means I have to be extremely cautious not to fall into some kind of trap like going to internet and sinking obscene amounts of time and energy there. Time tracking and pomodoro might help to stay accountable for the spent time and to stay conscious of what I'm doing.

    Today's sleep was good, I feel refreshed. But I in the morning I had extremely sexual dreams. The problem is I caught myself thinking about the dreams too much. I diverted my mind to logically analyse the dreams instead of thinking of the actual content.
    Jeez, it's like watching porn without watching porn. How the hell can I control my dreams, I have no ability whatsoever to do it (yet)! XD

    The great thing, I reckoned, is that these dreams mean that I have a lot of usable energy. It's just the way my brain subconsciously expresses the abundance of life energy thing, and it doesn't have to reflect on my conscious life.
    So, today my body is capable of sustaining very productive work, which is exactly what I need for today!
    So, as long as I carefully direct my mind when I'm awake, I'm good to go, having lots of energy to spend on planning, thinking, accomplishing daily goals and enjoying very fulfilling conversations with people.

    Stay on course, bros!
    It's great to be the one who controls his mind, and not the other way around.
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2018
    Jason123 likes this.
  14. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Today I'm sick full-time.

    The worse thing is, I have a scheduled gig as a drummer. So, I have to plough my way through.

    After the gig, I have to watch myself not to fall into the internet or games, as I cannot sink any energy on them. I have to be calm and comfortable to heal faster.

    Stay alive and be smart, bros!
  15. Jason123

    Jason123 Fapstronaut

    Haha Awesome! :)
    georgfi likes this.
  16. Jason123

    Jason123 Fapstronaut

    Wow! I really like the way you use the dreams as an indicator of energy level. I never thought of it that way. Good stuff that I am definitely going to use!
    georgfi likes this.
  17. Jason123

    Jason123 Fapstronaut

    Once again really enjoyed reading your posts! Get well soon and stay strong :)
    georgfi likes this.
  18. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    First, thanks, bro, for supporting me! It really means much.

    Today was a really rough day, physically and mentally. They used those hot models for spicing up the event I was playing drums at. It goes without saying my mind went somersaulting and was all over the place.

    Going from this gig I was really wind-up.
    My brain is still in a "hunt for treasure mode" and I still can't unwind and get calm.
    I went to nofap like an attention whore to check whether someone liked me or commented my posts once in a week.
    So, I commend you as my savior, sir, as my search for attention would continue for hours. :)
    (You know how you can't fall asleep because of a dopamine induced seeking rush...)

    While I didn't sink much time today on internet in a straight sense, I sank like 2 hours completing one of my daily goals on the internet (researching finance instruments). Also wasted the last 45min on the aimless browsing, though.

    It really helps knowing that my ideas mean something for other people.
    It wedges a tangible sense of responsibility into my brain when it wanders somewhere too far.

    Yeah, dreams are just a non-direct manifestation of your current neuron configuration. Your old unused neurons from the past also fire when you sleep. So, your dreams are not necessarily connected with the conscious "you". They are a bunch of random noise from the whole collection of your neurons.

    You can have dreams about sexual themes because of those old neurons, and be absolutely clean in your conscious mind, because you have altered your way of thinking in your day-to-day life, using the new, updated paths of neurons.

    The only sensible way of interpreting your dreams, therefore, is to acknowledge that yes, you have those paths of neurons that can produce those dreams, but you just don't use them anymore (those neuron are off of your current way of thinking).

    Now, to the point of using dreams as an energy indicator.
    The more wild and intense your dreams, the more energy your brain has just spent on traversing the neurons that produced those dreams. Therefore, it directly indicates the power output that your body has given your brain to produce those dreams.
    Hence, the more intense your dreams, the more power your body is capable to release during the day on anything you'd like to work on.
    (As happened with me on that day - I worked the whoooole day on the one engaging work task, until I felt sick and finally went home :) )

    Stay focused on knowing your way of thinking. Acknowledge the existence of old neurons. Don't blame yourself for them. Just very consciously divert your attention from them, until they get feeble enough to not bother you anymore. (This works long and short term)

    The unused sexual energy is divertable, as well as your stream of thought.
    The more sexual drive you have, the more motivation you get for actually doing something useful.
    Balancing that energy is a new kind of magic for me, as I only begin to explore this uncharted territory. It's shocking to realize that most energetic people must be doing that balancing of their sexuality every day, not falling off the rope to just releasing it by watching some porn.

    Stay on course, don't be afraid of feeling sexual frustration, it's just your energy at your full disposal.
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2018
  19. Born_For_War

    Born_For_War Fapstronaut

    Hey, I read your first post on this journal. Remember your Adam Neely quote and your decision to undertake this arduous journey. I am about to leave NoFap (my idiot parents read my journal, thinking it was some kind of blog) but before I do, I would like to commend my power to the new Fapstronauts.

    How does one transmit power to another person? It doesn't seem as easy as handing over a slice of pizza, saying, "Here, have a share of my power." One also needs to be specific as to what kind of power is being discussed.

    But yes, good journal from the little I've read of it, you seem like a particularly bright spark. I'm actually just posting this so I have the link to my journal at hand, but if I can encourage someone in doing so, well, so much the better.
    georgfi likes this.
  20. georgfi

    georgfi Fapstronaut

    Thanks, bro, for visiting my journal and for transferring a peace of power upon me.
    It really gives me a sense of special connection with the community, and also with myself.

    Although you have to leave NoFap for external reasons, I implore you not to leave the mindset you had when you logged your journey.

    Cheers! Nice to have met you. :)
    Don't forget to be great in your mind.

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