Striving for Success

Discussion in 'Ages 30-39' started by MyNameIsX, Jun 19, 2018.

  1. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Day 0

    First goal is to get to get to the end of the month without any variant of pmo. Done it before, so I can do it this time too.

    Current plan is to do some early morning and evening exercise out of the house.

    Today I finally completed digging an enormous drainage pit to hopefully stop my garden flooding. It's now full of gravel and covered over. Feels good to have it finished.

    Tomorrow I will dig 2 more holes to plant some shrubs.

    Had lots on my mind so it's been good to have some manual labour while my brain does it's thing.

    Now I'm going to have a big glass of milk and go to bed with a book. Just started reading Biology of Desire.
     
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  2. RobbyGo36

    RobbyGo36 Fapstronaut

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    Good to hear you're doing well.
     
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  3. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    I couldn't get to sleep last night, so a later start than anticipated. Last night was hot and damp which made being comfortable a real challenge.

    Up now though. Decided to make myself a big cooked breakfast. After that I'll go for a bike ride. Then its on to hole digging.
     
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  4. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Day 1

    Accomplished what I set out to do. Went for a long bike ride. Planted a shrub (would have liked to plant two but underestimated compost needed). Was a clean day with no urges.

    Bed time.
     
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  5. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Having trouble getting going this morning.

    Going to get up, have breakfast, shower, shave, dig a hole then buy compost. Going to do all that right now.
     
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  6. noexcuses

    noexcuses Fapstronaut

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    What do you usually make for breakfast?
     
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  7. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Usually it's a boiled egg and some bread. I'm on holiday this week though, doing lots of gardening, so it's been mostly gluttonous fried breakfasts.
     
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  8. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Day 2

    Mostly did what I had planned today.

    Had some problems with lack of decisiveness.

    Felt sad for no real reason a few times.

    Had some urges this evening. Didn't give in. Clean!

    I feel like keeping to myself at the moment. Journaling here for accountability sake more than anything. Also typing on my phone making laziness a factor ;)
     
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  9. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Having trouble getting moving again. Going out for breakfast. Going to look at plants for my garden. Clean fridge. Should really get haircut.
     
  10. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Sigh. Day 0. Fell into the reddit tar pit. I keep thinking reddit will be ok, then someone will post something and I'll get triggered. Blocked it.

    This is all a matter of doing the right things and thinking the right thoughts.

    I do however now have shorter hair and a list of plants to research.

    I think I'm going for a bike ride next.
     
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  11. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Out for a bike ride this morning. It's little things like this which ensure I don't have urges to fight and waste energy on.
     
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  12. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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  13. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Yesterday was a good, but tiring today.

    After my bike ride, my parents phoned me to tell me they would be dropping in on the way back from their holiday.

    I then lost my keys, which was really annoying. I had to spend an hour trying to find them. The bright side is that parts of my house got tidied a bit.

    Bought some more plants. More back breaking labour digging holes today, YAY.

    Went for a walk around some local woods in the evening.

    Parents gave me beer and fudge. I finished the day consuming it while watching Aliens.

    Its the last day of my holiday today. I'm glad. Tomorrow I get to physically rest.
     
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  14. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Day 2

    Planted some more plants. 3 left to do. I've run out of compost and gravel so will need to buy more before getting any further.

    All the exercise this week has made my shoulder feel a lot better. Sometimes it still goes a bit odd, but sometimes I also wonder how much of it is in my head.

    Lots going on in my head today. I'm unsure how to articulate it. Addiction and its recovery can be such a horrible beast at times. Riddled with self doubt, doubting others. Conjuring up ulterior motives in other people and myself. Constantly wrestling with what the right thing is. Wondering if I'm actually doing completely the wrong thing. Brain being so misaligned it can be hard to tell.

    Abstain from pmo and it will get better. Indulge in pmo and it will get worse. Those are the two absolute truths I cling to today.
     
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  15. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Trying to come up with a new plan, because my current strategies really aren't working as well as I would like.

    Been reading The Biology of Desire. It's fairly similar to The Book, but not written by an obnoxious fucktard.

    One thing it talks about is addiction being caused by having an overwhelming number of triggers, cues and associated habits that all lead to the addictive behaviour.

    It seems like one way to tackle this bullshit is to pick off one of these problems at a time. Make a new habit instead and then move on to the next problem to solve once that's solid.

    I'm considering focussing on my laying in bed with my phone in the morning habit for now. Instead I should be either eating breakfast and getting ready for the day, or sleeping. Day 0 for this.

    Really recommend the book :)
     
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  16. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Day 1

    Current game plan is to keep computing devices away from upstairs. That's where the very worst behaviour happens. For now, computing devices in my bed room are an absolute no go. I want to wrestle my bedroom back from hell. My bedroom feels like the easier of the rooms to crack.

    As for my office, I've tried to reduce my need to go in there as much as possible. I'm not too sure what I need to do about that room. Maybe at some point a computerless hobby room for a while.
     
  17. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Day 3

    Mostly holding steady. Had opportunity to be a good Samaritan today. Took responsibility and made things go a lot smoother because of it.

    Baffled by some peoples behaviour today. I'm sure they have their reason's but can't help but shake my head at what they believe reality to be.

    On to tomorrow.
     
  18. MyNameIsX

    MyNameIsX Fapstronaut

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    Never again. Day 1.
     
  19. honestguy17

    honestguy17 Fapstronaut

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    Hey man just read through your journal. You gotta be a beast with all that manual labour and cycling - a healthy body is a good starting point to healthy mind.

    Great you are doing some reading on the topic can I recommend some viewing? Check out Mark Queppet on YouTube some really interesting videos. He makes learning about porn addiction fun. Worth a click!
     
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  20. Applehead

    Applehead Fapstronaut

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    I’m glad to see you are here! In my self absorption I must have not realized you started this new journal.

    I also second Mark Queppet. Somehow his personality is very motivational. I have liked his video “mastering the critical points ...”
     

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