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Striking Out Left & Right

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by MontStar48, Feb 16, 2017.

  1. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Made it to 40 days which was my longest stint, before relapsing. Now I'm back at day 7 & noticing something a little different about my new journey..

    I've been so focused on dating & trying to score that I've come off a bit desperate & eager in my interactions with women. Trying to not think about porn has lead me to thinking about women & relationships more. My sense of loneliness is at an all time high & I'm not doing a good job just being happy with my present state..

    Anyone else dealing with this anxiety & have any good advise or exercises?
     
  2. Beopus

    Beopus Fapstronaut

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    Learn to be totally comfortable being a loner. It's not so awkward and boring if a lot of self-cultivation is going on. There's lots of resources to learn new hobbies and skills from. Really keeping up with the news takes time too. Enjoy yourself!
     
    lemn, I Free I and MontStar48 like this.
  3. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    Your not alone. Sounds like it's time to get time with your buds if you have any.

    I thought being older would make dating easier when I had to return to the scene. Learned it's never easier. That timing in dating is like a dance. When do I reachout?, when do I back off?.... no easy way to get that timing other than to keep practicing, and not let the day to day get you down. Thankfully, my situation with my ex wife taught me one core rule I live by now, and seems my buddies are hurting cause they don't have. I never chase, if I don't get a sign. We as guys are supposed to take the initiative, and I do (something I'm having to learn to keep in mind), but if I can't see openness and some kind of effort on the other side, I stop. I lived in limbo for a good number years, and I refuse to spend one more day unless there is a clear reason for it.

    In any case, My buddies are my rock. Whenever I strike out, I've got them to remind me I'm not alone. If you don't have any solid friends, I can hook you up with some ideas of where to go meet them.
     
    MontStar48, Sailor93 and Beopus like this.
  4. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Appreciate you taking the time to read & reply! Never give up! Funny thing is I'm the person everyone comes to for advise j positive reinforcement. I like to use that quote from time to time

    I'm meeting some decent girls & I'm going on date on a regular (or as much as my wallet will let me lol) But I don't just wanna date. I need something solid, not sure what I'm doing or not doing to close the deal..

    The few times I have slipped into relapsing has been striking with a woman I think its going somewhere with. I don't want it to happen again.. But I do want to jeep getting out there & trying to find my wonder woman
     
  5. MontStar48

    MontStar48 Fapstronaut

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    Yo, appreciate the positive feed back & suggestions!

    All my friends live outside the city I live in & are 40-50 min drives away. Or they're married & starting to have children living me the odd guy out lol.. Maybe I need to find new friends around me. Not quite sure how to make guy friends in this day & age?
     
  6. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    So getting guy friends is almost as hard as dating. You still got to have 'space and opportunity'.

    I joined and now manage a group on 'meetup.com'. It's a place for social groups, to welcome new people.

    The idea is that if you find something that you're interested in, it's easier to go, engage the activity, and then if you suss up the people on your own time, without having to force yourself into conversation.

    My thing is I run a board game group in a college town. I have all kinds of people come through the door, and I met my best buds that way. We play a game, they don't even have to really talk first, and once we get comfortable with each other, we can open up.

    It's a new trick in my toolbox for meeting people. I used to think social groups where like my parents church, or Shriners, or Masons. But there are sports groups for getting together and watching games, basketball groups for going and playing, walking, running, boardgames, divorce groups, you name it. Really the group is usually just an excuse to hang out and not be lonely.

    I've got 400 people in mine now. Meetup you might check out, they might have something in your area, or you might try starting something, but honestly there are all kinds of places you can find that kind of groups. Just have some idea of what might be interested in, and look up in your town for groups and events for that.
     
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  7. I Free I

    I Free I Guest

    Great Post !

    Never Give Up !
     
    MontStar48 likes this.
  8. CompulsiveCrab

    CompulsiveCrab Fapstronaut

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    Maybe try this? Instead of looking for a date or chance to score, look for something your not after. Maybe a friend that's a girl, an unattractive one at that. I'm not implying you need confidence boost or personality is over looks. But i feel like it's a good exercise in social recovery. (I am struggling with this and gave this idea some thought.)

    This is more mainstream advice : the typical "do things you love to do, and you might find who you're looking for"
     
    MontStar48 likes this.

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