Strangulation porn

Porn addiction if left unnoticed can lead you "further down the rabbit hole".

We all started off with something pretty vanilla, like nude models or solo movies.
Then when we over use it for too long we need something more to excite the addiction. So we move to actual sex scenes.
When that gets boring the "story" gets more raunchy, this introduces fantasy element.
We trawl the porn sites so much we stumble across genres that start to get weird.
But the more weird they are the more "exciting" it feels.

Keep in mind I'm quoting "exciting" because we don't necessarily want to act on what we see. But it's supplements the fantasy.
Often it's unwanted fantasy but the addiction stops is not wanting it.

This whole process can take a few months to a few years.
Eventually our addictive interests will go to some strange often dark places.
Some are the most hardcore/extreme "official" filmed stuff, others aren't exactly morally or legally right.

All of this because of something called the Coolidge effect.
Caused by desensitisation to porn through too much use and being addicted.

We can't say if Pete particularly likes strangulation/forced or rape (real or fake) porn. But it's an addictive fantasy at the least, addictive fantasies we are not proud of. And we will never act on it.
They are unwanted thoughts.

The very very few people who act out on their addicted fantasies are also the fundamentally deranged people.
This isn't an official figure but I can assure you at the very least 90% of all men and women in the world who are addicted to porn will never act out on their unwanted fantasies.

 

i agree. the addiction gets more intense with time. from vanilla to group to bdsm. yeah i've seen that. it only gets worse.

 

Then you must show him your findings.
Addicts will always deny it. Because we are ashamed to admit it.

 

How about installing password protected restrictions on your laptops and mobiles?
If he won't admit to anything, at least you can stop nearly all gateways to pornography.

 

Maybe write to him how this affects you. My brother found gay porn on my laptop and confronted me. I didn't like that. Perhaps if you write to him as to how this affects you, then maybe that can help. He has to want to stop watching porn for that to stop.

And sadly pornography is an addiction one cannot just cut out from one's life in one day. It takes time and lots of effort. Will power alone won't help, just like in many other addictions.

My friend was addicted to sleeping pills. And he wanted to stop. So he went to a doctor. Doc gave him lighter dose and said to take this for fifteen days. Doc said that if you want to stop the sleeping pills right away we'd have to admit you, as you'd need round the clock supervision.

Perhaps if you can convince him to seek a counselor.

Sorry to hear about your trauma.

 

As I survivor, I totally agree. My SO has put his hand around my neck a couple of times, and that, combined with his convoluted stories and excuses, is what lead me to snoop and find that he was straight up lying to me about his P behavior. You don't have to torture yourself to stay in your marriage. You need to feel safe, and don't need to have any justification for why. The fact is, it doesn't work for you, and he's not interested in respecting your needs. His porn is more important to him than your trauma.

 

Hy , im deeply sorry for youre situation, and what you're confronting , im a guy to ,and yes its about abusive.dopamine receptors that are causing youre husband to do that ,look if you're not enough for him to live his addiction , honestly i dont know what else could be. Theres no excuse for him to do that i mean deam i cant belive it i would do anything for my wife ,.wich is why im more shocked , i meam youre looking for therapy you've confronted him,. Look i know the past may hurt and is a horrible experience but you have to be strong and you can't let that hurt you anymore ,is how you react to things that gives them value you gotta be a strong woman , be of steel if he doesnt change well make you the change , we humans tend to change when there's no more opportunity chances and at the last edge , mostly men ,dont give him so many chances ,(doesn't mean get divorce fast ) but let him feel youre not there anymore that you quit if youre i hope he enters in his mind and i hope is not to late best of the lucks remember the past is a horrible thing but you decide until when its gona be like that luck and you can do this and hey everything is gona be just fine trust.

 

I'm very sorry for your experience. It's something that so far the women in my life have been saved, but at the same time came very close to. (My god-daughter was nearly abducted (but managed to escape), and my niece had a home invasion by mentally deranged male that demanded sexual actions, before she screamed and he was run off by by brother in law). I know that while you are in this triggered state, nothing will offer comfort other than time to let the shock and panic pass.


(I will out of compassion for you attempt a possible intellectual explanation, but please be aware, that I am very respectful and sensitive of your history, and I in no way profess to know anything more than what you have lived through. If anything I say hits your already exposed nerves, I'm deeply sorry. This is in no way an attempt to let your husband off the hook, or any kind of attempt to justify the genre)

I will offer some level of explanation for how a normal person can come to watch rape, and not be a rapist.

Tumbling down the rabbit hole does describe this well as plausible explanation. Occasionally chasing diversity in a world without limits takes you to some dark places simply innocently because you liked the actress, she was wearing your favorite garments, etc. Sometimes its just a matter of craving an intensity, which often a person in a depressed state can't feel. That genre offers imagery of the highest intensity (all false and wrong). It can also offer this dangerous, false, and illegal idea that a woman can be pushed to an emotional catharsis, where despite her resistance, she is given ultimate release. This is an idea that wrong can be made right, if enough power can be applied to push to that destination (which again is dangerous, illegal, and purely a fairy tale that exploits stereotypes due being porn entertainment product.)

(Again, not trying to excuse this kind of content, or say that it's 'right' or acceptable.)

Despite the casual explanation of accidentally found it while chasing diversity, or the 'drawn in because it was intense, and I was numb', there is also a chance that he intentionally arrived here due to feeling dis-empowered and possessing low self esteem. While it will sound offensive to you, the fact is his low self esteem and your experience may have left him feeling powerless, without an idea of how to deal with it. While your trauma was real, and you should always be made the priority in this situation, sometimes the very concept of it can spill over onto significant others, who in low self esteem try to ineptly process it by somehow 'fixing it' for you. As stupid as it is, male ego can lead to the feeling that they attacked him (even if he wasn't in the picture at the time). When people feel this way, then sometimes they turn to fantasy that offers role reversal as a means to 'control' the situation. It's a solution that changes the dynamics to one of both disgust and stimulation. It is important to know that people that feel that way aren't any more or less likely to rape. It requires some empathy to connect to those images, and empathy is not something that rapist possess. It can also offer a 'taboo' draw, where you know you never could, would, or want to do something like in real life but the thought of an unrestrained situation without consequences can still draw a person in.

Again, there is a universe of difference in watching an thing (even though it's wrong), and doing a thing. Still, this indicates your husband has some lurking issue in self worth, and ability to cope in the world (which I know doesn't come as a surprise to you.) Even if your counselor won't see you together, it's important for him and possibly you to seek counseling separately.

All of this doesn't offer you a solution. In a very real sense, even if there is any kind of 'reason' he watched, you finding this out, drew an emotional line between your past trauma, and your husband. Despite the fact that he wouldn't violate anyone in real life, emotionally you have been violated today, triggered, and he was the one that did it. That isn't a light thing, and in a very real way needs to be addressed. If he has any respect for what your history means, and your feelings, he will need to own this, even if he didn't mean to do this to you. (Unfortunately, I'm not sure what would convince you, but I can only think it means he would have to show total control over his impulses immediately, when greater priorities are present.)

Again, I'm very sorry for that this has happened to you both in the past, and now in the present.

(In case you are curious why and how I would know these things, it involves the dynamic of certain needs of my ex wife, and my attempts to try to meet those needs. I don't discuss them here, as I didn't think it right to make this discussion about me at all, however if it's something for some reason you need to know, I would be willing to discuss with you)

 

I did already, and sent you a msg through a new conversation.

 

Ouch...... What the hell? (Ok, I got this Married....)

(Directed at the member that made the comment, begin of rant. )

Guessing you have never met a person that has been raped. Most never talk about it at all. Those that do, still cringe at the memory, and try to describe it in the briefest of terms, because it's painful. Many are so traumatized that they speak softly of it like it 'was no big thing' because they are scared, and they feel broken, and they just don't want to call attention to it.

It takes a great strength to admit that it happened to you.

Wonder why? Because, women that have had this happen immediately suffer backlash as an attempt to not let the shock settle in. They suffer stupid questions in response like "What did you do?", "Did you wear the wrong thing?"

Just accept when someone says something like this as true, and allow them their acknowledgement. They aren't asking you to fix it. They didn't ask you to hunt the men down that did it. The didn't ask for any special gratitude from you. Just stand beside them, and offer to be one of those that would try to make sure that it doesn't happen to others.

People that are violated like this never recover. It fundamentally strips away their ability to feel secure. The can function, and they can go onto a good life, but this is a fear that will always lurk......

So don't be asshole and add to the problem!