[Storytime] My terrible addiction (showing myself naked)

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by User_0132, Aug 10, 2019.

  1. User_0132

    User_0132 New Fapstronaut

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    Hi,

    ***Warning : this is a very long post about the story of my addiction. If you are going to read it, please read entirely. Thanks for your time guys ***

    It's always been a fantasy of mine to show myself naked or to walk around naked when there's a possibility that someone would see me. As far as I remember, when I was a young teen and I was camping with my family, I would occasionally isolate myself in the forest and walk around naked while being fully erect. Nobody ever saw me, but it was the thrill of risking being caught. At the time, it wasn't so much a problem for me because it was very occasional.

    Growing up, I've always been shy around girls, so in my highschool years, I didn't have a single intimate experience with a girl, not even kissing. As most boys, I resulted to porn to ease my teen urges. I was mostly watching regular porn and again, it was pretty occasional, until something happened.

    I was around 18-19 y/o, and I received an unknown message on Skype of a half naked girl (a pic was sent to me) asking me if I wanted to sexually chat / cam with her. Obviously, I wasn't stupid and I knew right away it was some sort of scam. I blocked the person, but a seed was planted in my mind...

    The next days, I couldn't help but thinking about this situation. It kinda revived the exhibitionnist part of me and for the first time, I realised it was possible to show myself on internet. I was very excited to the idea of strangers seeing me naked. At that age, I still didn't have any experience with girls (I lost my virginity a little before I hit 20 y/o), so it was a way for me to express my sexual energy. Next thing that I knew, I hopped on a 18+ cam chat websites and these sites almost completely replaced regular porn.

    This was the start of my addiction. I was staying up late at night, with my computer in my room, jerking off in front of hundreds of strangers. Whenever I knew I was gonna be alone in the house, I would get excited at the idea of wanking on 18+ cam sites. I am not gay by any means, but I was mostly interacting with guys as most of these sites are filled with horny mens. It was more about me showing myself naked than seeing them masturbate that excited me. Hell, I was even masturbating in front of dirty old men, just to get some compliments on my body and to give in to my urges of showing myself.

    As most addiction, I built a certain tolerance. In other words, going to cam sites didn't excite me as much as it previously did. I needed something more. Soon enough, I discovered Chaturbate, which is a site where you literally masturbate while other people (more than 1, as opposed to cam sites) can watch you, chat with you and tip you with tokens (money). The idea of me being watched by many people at the same time was tempting. So, I registered, got age verified and started to do shows on the platform. Obviously, I didn't do it for the money, my fist motivation being to express my exhibitionnist side and to get compliments on my body. At my peak, I was hosting 400+ people, 400+ people who watched me masturbate. I have a pretty fit body, so it certainly attracted people to my online room. I didn't see anything bad from it yet, until I met my first girlfriend.

    The first few months with my first girlfriend didn't go too well when it comes to intimate relations. I had a lot of trouble to get hard. It's no surprise when all I did for the previous year was wanking for hours in front of a cam. My brain was fucked and I badly needed a reset. And so I did. I stopped all cam sites activities... for a while. After a few months of being comfortable having sex with her, I relapsed... and felt guilty.

    I wasn't that active on Chaturbate anymore, but more so on cam sites since it was a quicker access (I could go on my phone, didn't need to properly set my camera and lighting etc). It was not affecting my sex life at that point, but I was feeling like garbage after those sessions. I had a beautiful girlfriend that loved me more than anything, that was having sex with me on a regular basis, and yet, I was still holding on those sites. I also felt bad for her since to me, it's a form of cheating. I never told her since I was too embarrassed. Our relationship ended after 1+ year, but not because of this addiction.

    Not long after I met my current girlfriend. I was still masturbating on those sites. I have been trying to stop this bad habit for the past years, without success. Then, one day, after being clean of those cam sites for approx 2 months, I told her everything. Surprisingly, she was very understanding of my situation. I thought I was cured from this addiction. I was still watching regular porn, but at least it didn't feel like cheating. I went a few more weeks on my streak... then relapsed again.

    And now here I am. A 22 y/o, slave to those cam sites. I joined NoFap as a last resort to finally kill this addiction. It has stolen so much valuable time from me and I feel I am not productive under the influence of those sites. It has been a 3 + years battle and I am confident that I can finally put an end to it. I have everything to be happy in life, and I feel that giving up this addiction will not only mean a big push in bettering myself, but it is also necessary. If I do not have the willpower to quit it now, it is only gonna get worse and I am gonna be limited in life because of it.

    Let me know what you think of all this or if you have experienced a similar situation. Any response will be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance for your support and most importantly, thank you for taking the time to read this fat post. It means a lot to me.

    Peace.

    *** English is not my mother tongue, sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes, I did my best :) ***
     
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2019
    Curry, Tiger uppercut! and FX-05 like this.
  2. Freddiefox

    Freddiefox Fapstronaut

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    Welcome to the community and thank you for sharing your story.
    It sounds like you have gotten to the point of wanting to fix this. You're not alone.
    Read, learn and start making your plan. You can do this.
     
    User_0132 likes this.
  3. Tryinghardtoquit2

    Tryinghardtoquit2 Fapstronaut

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    Chat sites and interaction sites like Cam sites are extremely addictive (more than regular porn) because it activates a part of your brain that gains a reward (an orgasm) which porn does as well but it also adds extra rewards and dopamine for you because you get the thrill of the interaction and the chat and finding a compatible partner. It is similar to getting hooked on gaming machines in that regard.

    I hope you find the strength to stay away from it. Be grateful you have recognised it as an issue and you can address it while you are young.

    Great stuff and welcome.
     
    User_0132 likes this.

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