Stopped porn but unable to stop massage with happy ending

I discovered massaage parlors a few years ago after I first discovered nofap. It became a new outlet when I cut down on masturbation and it was more real as I was with actual women. I am married and I never went more than once a month. I also used it to experiment with my fetishes. I have a spandex fetish and the Korean masseuses where I was going all wear tight leggings. I started going to the massages wearing spandex tights and shirts. it added an interesting dynamic even though the clothes come off before the table shower. Sometimes I wore cock rings and once even a butt plug. It was a stage for me. It was something I had to get out of my system, but it is something I have given up for now too. For me, if I get a massage now with the ST, I would call it a reset.

 

I too struggle with happy ending massages. I have been dealing with this for years. I do not have sex with the woman but I will get a happy ending if offered. My advise is to do everything in your power to quit. This is more addicting than Porn for me.
Best wishes to you.

 

Hi Sam

I’m an addict in recovery from porn addicition, as well as addiction to drugs.

I have a lot more clean time from drugs than porn/sex addiction, and one important fact in any recovery journey is we are masters of replacing one addiction for another. For instance, many addicts I know have come off serious drugs (crack, heroin) to find themselves watching hours of porn each day, just to get some kind of ‘kick’, to satisfy some kind of urge.

There are hundreds of thousands of people alive today who aren’t just living life managing to avoid addictive behaviours, they’re living lives of freedom and joy, totally unabated by urges or cravings they would rather do without.

If that’s something you’re interested in, give me a message. I would love to chat.

-Newday

 

Hey @Fcaccount - To my read this is addiction, plain and simple. You've managed to lessen one of it's manifestations in your life (ie: porn) and now the hunger is intensifying elsewhere (ie: massage with happy ending). This is a very common experience for recovering addicts and I am certain many people here could testify to this.

As a first step in getting clean from this, I'd suggest turning the same tools and techniques that helped you move away from porn in the direction of the massage situation. Whatever you did for one, do for the other! You will likely need to adjust a bit, but this seems a good start.

Best of luck and please stay with it!

 

As a first step, try revisiting those same books and substituting 'massage' for 'porn'. My guess is there will be some very helpful similarities. After all, at some level addiction is addiction.

 

It’s a scary thing this addiction business! Often it seems we’re working on a solution but perhaps we’re moving into something more insidious.

Similar to you, after I first tried to quit porn early this year I began looking into other sexual behaviours. I was obsessively trying to compile girls’ phone numbers and attempting to date/sleep with as many as I could. In the end, this led me back to watching porn, I think because porn can never reject you.

If you truly are an addict, replacement of one behaviour for another is a slippery slope. It was easy for me to be glad I’d let go of a sharp object, without realising I’d picked up a hot one. The damage was the same, and the only solution I’m finding is absolute abstinence from sexually damaging behaviours.

Of course, this is my journey and your choices are only yours to make, Sam. Learn what you can, and stay in the light.

 

This is very well put - and, in my experience, so true. Certainly we are all unique in how this addiction manifests, but all of us seem called to at least a couple important questions as we get healthy: (1) what kind of behaviours are sexually damaging for me (ie: compulsive / obsessive) and (2) how can I removed these from my life?

Personally, I would like to be able to say that holding onto one or two 'not so damaging' behaviours is okay. The truth of my experience in recovery suggests otherwise, though. For me, continuing with something even slightly compulsive seems to inevitably lead to full relapse.

 

I think that’s a very normal fear, and one many of us experience. Sometimes I’m afraid that by stopping compulsively chasing women, I’ll die alone! I even used to worry that if I quit drinking, I’d never again be able to speak my mind. These things are not true, but rather are examples of the mental twist addiction subjects my mind to.

Trust me though, you are a male human and are built/evolved(/however you want to say it) to desire a sexual partner. By letting go these harmful, compulsive behaviours through whatever method works for us (some can build willpower, I have to use a 12 step program) it opens the door to healthy, rewarding expression of that desire.

We will all do it, though it is not easy and takes a lot of effort and courage

 

I’m a member of Cocaine Anonymous and more recently Sex Addicts Anonymous.

Here’s some of the SAA literature, if you find some similarities there let me know!:

The bubble: https://saa-recovery.org/literature/the-bubble-a-metaphor-for-addictive-sexual-behavior/

Sexual Sobriety and the Internet: https://saa-recovery.org/literature/sexual-sobriety-and-the-internet/

I found these really powerful personally. A great reminder that we’re not alone, and there is a solution