Stopped after 14 years

akibzihan · Jun 14, 2018

Good day everyone. I would like to beg pardon at first because of my poor English writing skill. English is my second language. So please ignore if you find any problem.

First time I masturbated was at the age of 12. I was just rubbing my dick and balls and rest is known to everybody. Anyways I felt good and I never stopped after that. I masturbated almost everyday. It was one of my daily activities. I used masturbation to relieve my self from stress, from frustration. I felt like I am ugly, no girl would ever let me fuck'em, Doesn't matter I have my hand with me. . But as I grew up I realized that there is something missing in me. My confidence was down and all that. I got into relationship at the age 20. It was not for sex. It was holy . We felt like we are spiritually connected. After 1 year we started making out at restaurants. My x-gf was prepared for oral but no penetration. We did that few times in a year. At the age of 24 I broke up with her due to some spiritual disconnection . till than I was virgin. I felt like yesss I am out of commitment, I will fuck everygirl in this world. But I failed. I couldn't date anybody due to my silly emotions for my x-gf. Some friends suggested go and fuck a whore. But I had some ethical issues. I was scared because I felt like what if I get infected by HIV ?? Anyways at that time I was living with few other class mates of mine at a hostel. We had a maid. She was not good looking at all. Mom of 2. Around 30 years old. I offered her money and she agreed to have sex with me. And finally I fucked someone. It was the most horrible experience because I came before entering my dick in her pussy. This happened because I was really worried of getting caught by my other hostel mates. After that tried many times and every time 'I failed as every time I cam before entering. During these sessions with her I didn't have any good erection. I became frustrated and felt like I will never be able to fuck anygirl. During all these I never stopped masturbating as it was my only option. Till now that maid was my only fuck. Couldn't get any opportunity to fuck anyone else. For last 10 days I have stopped masturbating. Feeling no urges. What I am wondering is that will I ever be able to fuck like a normal person? Just to let you know I was deeply in love with my x-gf and I had really good sexual attraction to her. Just touching her once would make my dick rock hard. When she used to give me handjobs, I usually lasted more than 10-15 mnts. When she gave me titty fuck I came within few 2 minutes. When she gave me blowjob I lasted maximum 3 minutes. I am worried about myself. Is there anyone who can help me to build my confidence.

Deleted Account · Jun 14, 2018

akibzihan said: ↑

Good day everyone. I would like to beg pardon at first because of my poor English writing skill. English is my second language. So please ignore if you find any problem.

First time I masturbated was at the age of 12. I was just rubbing my dick and balls and rest is known to everybody. Anyways I felt good and I never stopped after that. I masturbated almost everyday. It was one of my daily activities. I used masturbation to relieve my self from stress, from frustration. I felt like I am ugly, no girl would ever let me fuck'em, Doesn't matter I have my hand with me. . But as I grew up I realized that there is something missing in me. My confidence was down and all that. I got into relationship at the age 20. It was not for sex. It was holy . We felt like we are spiritually connected. After 1 year we started making out at restaurants. My x-gf was prepared for oral but no penetration. We did that few times in a year. At the age of 24 I broke up with her due to some spiritual disconnection . till than I was virgin. I felt like yesss I am out of commitment, I will fuck everygirl in this world. But I failed. I couldn't date anybody due to my silly emotions for my x-gf. Some friends suggested go and fuck a whore. But I had some ethical issues. I was scared because I felt like what if I get infected by HIV ?? Anyways at that time I was living with few other class mates of mine at a hostel. We had a maid. She was not good looking at all. Mom of 2. Around 30 years old. I offered her money and she agreed to have sex with me. And finally I fucked someone. It was the most horrible experience because I came before entering my dick in her pussy. This happened because I was really worried of getting caught by my other hostel mates. After that tried many times and every time 'I failed as every time I cam before entering. During these sessions with her I didn't have any good erection. I became frustrated and felt like I will never be able to fuck anygirl. During all these I never stopped masturbating as it was my only option. Till now that maid was my only fuck. Couldn't get any opportunity to fuck anyone else. For last 10 days I have stopped masturbating. Feeling no urges. What I am wondering is that will I ever be able to fuck like a normal person? Just to let you know I was deeply in love with my x-gf and I had really good sexual attraction to her. Just touching her once would make my dick rock hard. When she used to give me handjobs, I usually lasted more than 10-15 mnts. When she gave me titty fuck I came within few 2 minutes. When she gave me blowjob I lasted maximum 3 minutes. I am worried about myself. Is there anyone who can help me to build my confidence.
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Hi. Welcome to forum!

Porn an excessive masturbation is correlated to premature ejaculation - https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/is-my-premature-ejaculation-related-to-my-porn-use
First step is to fully reboot and heal your brain. Afterwards you might need to retrain your genitals, brain and nervous system. I wrote a little thread about it here - https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ture-ejaculation-and-super-simple-fix.109536/

Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!

Septimus · Jun 19, 2018

akibzihan said: ↑

Good day everyone. I would like to beg pardon at first because of my poor English writing skill. English is my second language. So please ignore if you find any problem.

First time I masturbated was at the age of 12. I was just rubbing my dick and balls and rest is known to everybody. Anyways I felt good and I never stopped after that. I masturbated almost everyday. It was one of my daily activities. I used masturbation to relieve my self from stress, from frustration. I felt like I am ugly, no girl would ever let me fuck'em, Doesn't matter I have my hand with me. . But as I grew up I realized that there is something missing in me. My confidence was down and all that. I got into relationship at the age 20. It was not for sex. It was holy . We felt like we are spiritually connected. After 1 year we started making out at restaurants. My x-gf was prepared for oral but no penetration. We did that few times in a year. At the age of 24 I broke up with her due to some spiritual disconnection . till than I was virgin. I felt like yesss I am out of commitment, I will fuck everygirl in this world. But I failed. I couldn't date anybody due to my silly emotions for my x-gf. Some friends suggested go and fuck a whore. But I had some ethical issues. I was scared because I felt like what if I get infected by HIV ?? Anyways at that time I was living with few other class mates of mine at a hostel. We had a maid. She was not good looking at all. Mom of 2. Around 30 years old. I offered her money and she agreed to have sex with me. And finally I fucked someone. It was the most horrible experience because I came before entering my dick in her pussy. This happened because I was really worried of getting caught by my other hostel mates. After that tried many times and every time 'I failed as every time I cam before entering. During these sessions with her I didn't have any good erection. I became frustrated and felt like I will never be able to fuck anygirl. During all these I never stopped masturbating as it was my only option. Till now that maid was my only fuck. Couldn't get any opportunity to fuck anyone else. For last 10 days I have stopped masturbating. Feeling no urges. What I am wondering is that will I ever be able to fuck like a normal person? Just to let you know I was deeply in love with my x-gf and I had really good sexual attraction to her. Just touching her once would make my dick rock hard. When she used to give me handjobs, I usually lasted more than 10-15 mnts. When she gave me titty fuck I came within few 2 minutes. When she gave me blowjob I lasted maximum 3 minutes. I am worried about myself. Is there anyone who can help me to build my confidence.
Click to expand...

Welcome! I'm glad you're here. Keep coming back!

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Stopped after 14 years

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Septimus Fapstronaut

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