Stop and try this next time you have an urge

I had an urge last week which reappeared today even stronger.

Last week I had a pointless thought. This actress in a softcore movie I saw as a teen popped into my mind, but I couldn’t remember the title of the film. You know that moment when you can’t remember the name of something and it bothers you? That! Then you just can’t let it go. It’s as if a part of your brain turns into a quiz show and the question is worth the top prize. So you think hard for a while before giving up and googling. I did exactly that. I googled the plot line along with some other key words and there it was. I found the movie and I found the actress. I was playing with fire.

Today, that actress popped into my mind again- except this time, I knew her name. I guess I hadn’t put out that fire from last week. Then I felt an urge to reach for my phone.

I’ve been doing well up until now. Although I’m still succeeding; because during a moment of temptation, I challenged myself to think differently...

I asked myself to think about what exactly is going to happen next. Step by step. I made myself think through each next step, rather than act each one out. And it helped. For example:

Trigger = I thought of that actress.

So what exactly am I going to do next?

1. Reach for my phone
2. Download a VPN App to bypass all the adult content blocks on my wifi and phone
3. Open my internet browser

(Even these steps alone were making my heart race. It’s the ‘decision’ to act out that starts the sensations, even before the act itself).

4. Enter ‘her’ name into google
5. Search for videos to click on
6. Discover/ notice other hardcore ads and thumbnails whilst browsing
7. Open each enticing link ‘in background’ to create a queue of tabs
8. Watch them all in order from average to best

(These steps are so clearly predictable).

9. Neglect and reject all other incoming notifications
10. Spend 20-30 minutes viewing
11. Stop watching and ‘finish off’
12. Delete VPN App
13. Put phone away
14. Feel failure, regret and shame

The effect of this stop and think method was relieving. In fact, next time I’m going to push myself further by either saying each step out aloud or writing them down on paper (yes on paper, not on my phone).

Break it down, before it breaks you.