Starting Properly

Lots of progress made last year but longest PMO streaks lasting 5-6 days only. Attempting 30 days. Hope using the forum will give me a bit more focus! Starting Day 2 today!

 

on day 4 now after a relapse. 3-4 days seems to be my limit atm. gotta break the cycle. strong strong urges. urgh. cold shower. then make food. then go study.

 

so relapsed on Sunday due to being hungover. Did today no sweat again. Barely even crossed my mind. Good day overall though. Felt more sociable and humorous at work today DAy 1 done!

 

relapsed this morning. MO-forgot to set my alarm and missed a class I was supposed to attend. went back to bed, and before i knew it was jacking off. I usually have a really good morning routine but feel that i was thrown by sleeping in. Anyway afterwards, got it, cold shower, meditated, gonna go eat now and gonna head into work. Day one again!

 

Tbh I really just needed to force myself out of bed. As I said I'm usually good at it, colleagues were even suprised that I did'nt make it into that class this morning and that I was a little late to work. I'm gonna make sure I set my alarm again and get back into the routine.

Next time this happens (which I'm hoping it doesn't to be honest!), I'm just gonna force myself out of bed. and proceed as I usually would. The temptation to sleep was too much this morning (I did my bench mark peice on the Rowing MAchine last night so body was sore and tired). But that's no excuse!

It wasn;t an excuse when I used to row crew and it can't be an excuse now!

 

One breath at a time man!
How did you get that ticker under your comment? Would be helpful!

 

So Day 2 complete. It was a good day overall, Flt urges, felt tempted almost gave in to a youtube binge. I told myself I'd rather do better in my professional exams that are in the next few months so I'll go over some of that material again. So I did. Then went to gym. GOt home and felt bored, so I invited a friend over for a quick catch up.

I've also found catching myself and realising I'm on autopilot, and coming back to the present. It's was particualry satisfying coming back to the present today.

Good day in all. One breath at a time. Onto Day 3

 

Feeling pretty down at the moment, finding it difficult to concentrate. I really just want to go home and sleep for the day. Immediate first thought is that I'm dehydrated so drinking lots of water to stay awake.

I sometimes find it difficult to find the balance between forcing myself to do something and being 'kind to myself', and not being overly perfectionist. I know there is a balance in there- the whole idea of 'restful alertness' or 'flow' seems to suggest that. I'd really really like to find an activity that would keep me in a flow state.

I'm having one of those 'feeling purposeless' days. Anything i do is 'just cause' I should. My goals are not entirely clear at the moment. I'm sure i'll be reminded in a day or two but at the moment just completely anhedonic.

Meeting up with people later so hopefully that'll liven me up.

Anyway, on the plus side I'm not looking at porn

Day 3 continues

 

So still tipping along, last 2 night's I've had extremely lucid dreams which was cool but also left me pretty confused when i woke up! I was out last night with friends again and consciously decided to drink less (I've relapsed when hungover twice since i started writing here). Feeling a little groggy still but not as bad as the last two weekends so feeling confident the streak will continue today.

Urges are still pretty strong, but pretty sure they're more symptomatic of my feelings of loneliness more than anything else. Meditating helps with that.

Also had a good 2 hour long session yesterday re-evaluating my goals and looking into future career prospects. I'm starting to feel a bit more purposeful again when it comes to work/study so I hope that follows into the next week.

In the meantime, plenty of water, plenty of study, plenty of exercise, plenty of good food, and plenty of socializing (if possible).

Also aware days 5-6 and 7 are the longest my streaks usually last. so gonna be a bit more vigilant.

Any words of encouragement/advice always welcome! Thanks y'all!

 

RELAPSED: last night had a really really vivid sex dream, woke up, couldn't contain myself and MO'd. Day 1 again.

Gotta keep trying