starting fresh

thanks! if that's true, I'm almost through the hardest part, which is very encouraging to hear. The best to you too

 

july 24 journal:
day 18 complete! I only had one major urge today, which was pretty hard to resist, but ultimately I made it through. I saw it on instagram; it was one of those typical busty faux-models or whatever fishing for likes. I'll try to avoid that part of IG now, which is good, because I kind of needed a good reason to spend less of my time on social media in general. When I took a shower today, I didn't think about fapping at all, mostly because I had White Iverson by Post Malone stuck in my head and could not for the life of me remember certain lyrics in it. So my mind was mostly occupied trying to remember that.
I'm going to bed now. I've talked to a few people on the forums here over the past few days who were particularly encouraging; thank you all for that. Also, I think I'll start checking here more frequently throughout the day - maybe once after lunch or something - to keep my spirits up. Hopefully that will also help me to resist when i come across triggers.
Hoping and praying for an equally successful and even easier tomorrow. Good night, everyone

quick edit: also, I've started posting in the "Gratitude Attitude" thread today. I hope that will also help me stay optimistic about this whole process.

 

july 25 journal:
day 19 complete. today was mostly pretty easy, except for when I went to take my shower. I didn't have my phone with me and I didn't fap, but I felt like I came really close to it; the closest I've come in the past week, maybe the closest since I started abstaining. I think my main issue was not having something to distract me from fapping while i just sat in the room where I usually fap, waiting for the shower water to warm up. So I've decided I'll go back to bringing my phone into the room with me so I can look at NoFap there and get extra motivated to not jack off.
It seems to me that overall, each individual day is getting easier to avoid triggers and to not get urges, but when I do get urges from time to time, they're not getting any easier to resist. Maybe they're even getting harder. I'm worried that eventually I'll stumble across something that gives me an urge so hard to resist that I cave, so I'm also taking steps to ensure I come across as few triggers as possible. Staying off of social media more, not visiting pages I used to which had a chance to post triggering content, and being in the same room as someone else at almost all times, mainly. Hopefully these will help me, and I'll continue to update this journal with my progress.
But as usual, I'm heading to bed for tonight, so good night all
hoping & praying for an easier & equally successful tomorrow

 

july 26 journal:
day 20 complete! Thankful that today was definitely easier than yesterday, mostly because I didn't take a shower. I mowed the lawn and got somewhat sweaty but decided it wasn't worth the risk. However, I'm pretty confident in my new plan, so when I go to shower tomorrow I can put it into effect.
It may be independent from not fapping, but over yesterday and today I got angrier more easily than I usually do. Not necessarily a greater degree of anger, but smaller things set me off. This may be because I'm not getting out agression like I think happened when I fapped, but it may also be that these last two days I've not had much of any outlet for "agressive" energy. I've not worked out, gone on a jog, or anything. I think that's probably the problem, so I'll try to do more physical activity tomorrow and see if that helps.
Other than those things, nothing much to report! Hoping and praying for an equally easy and successful tomorrow!
Good night everyone.

 

july 27 journal:
day 21 complete! that's 3 whole weeks of no PMO!
Today was pretty easy. I hung out with some friends for a good amount of the afternoon, so no urges then really. Then, when I came home & took a shower, I intentionally browsed the forums here some and posted in the "attitude of gratitude" thread, to make sure my mind was definitely not geared to feel like fapping. Also I wasn't as angry for most of today, but I'm not sure for what reason. I'll keep trying to figure that stuff out.
Tomorrow should hopefully also be pretty easy; I'm gonna go work out in the morning then take another shower, and then I have friends coming over to play D&D and other stuff from mid afternoon to the next morning. It'll be my first time DM'ing, wish me luck! Also for that reason, I probably won't have time to update this journal tomorrow night. Maybe I'll update it around when I take my shower, if I remember. We shall see.
Anyway, I'm going to bed. Hoping and praying for an equally easy and successful day tomorrow. 'Night all.

 

july 28.5 journal:
day 22 complete! It was easy since I had friends over most of the day. I didn't get an opportunity to update this last night (night of 28th) so I'm updating it now (afternoon of 29th). Last night was my first time DM'ing in D&D, so if anyone was wondering it went pretty decently! I still have a long way to go in becoming a fluent DM though. I had to look stuff up several times and wasn't sure how to react to certain things the players said and did. They didn't quite make it 1/2 way through the adventure though, and we may do this again in the next few weeks, so I have plenty of time to practice.
Now I'm going to go take a shower. I'll update this on how today goes later tonight. So, "see you later", so to speak.

 

july 29 journal:
day 23 complete! I'm exhausted, so I'll keep this short. I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night after a tiring day, and today was pretty tiring too. on top of that, I have to wake up earlier than usual tomorrow.
Anyway, today went fine. I had a few medium urges when i took a shower, but they were manageable. So today went pretty well. Hoping & praying for more success tomorrow. Good night all

 

july 30 journal:
day 24 complete! I took a short nap this afternoon because I was still so exhausted from the days before, and guess what! I woke up still exhausted! And now I can't sleep, I think because it offset my circadian rhythm! Hooray!
Hopefully I'll be able to rest soon and get back on track, sleep-wise. Today was generally easy, NoFap-wise, although I think I had a borderline wet dream or something when I took a nap. I don't really remember the dream now, but I remember waking up with a hard on, and thinking that I had a dream about sex or something. But that's lost to my short term memory now, so I'm going to keep trying to go to bed. Hoping and praying for an equally successful tomorrow. Good night all.

 

july 31 journal:
final day of july, and I've made it through day 25! I'm exhausted again so I'll keep this short.
I had very little to do today but generally my mind managed to stay off porn. I kept somewhat occupied, but I was bored multiple times throughout the day. Almost none of those times did I start thinking about jacking off, so I guess that's a good sign!
Hoping & praying for an equally successful tomorrow. Good night.

 

august 1 journal:
happy august everyone! day 26 complete. Today wasn't so hard, only a few urges here and there, except for that damned shower. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I'm going to get strong urges to fap whenever I'm about to get into the shower. At least I've not given in though, and I'm not planning on giving in. I must push through! I've tried every preventative measure, but urges still come. But I think I'm dedicated enough to resist them when they come at this intensity, and I'm smart enough to learn when it's a good time to shower to minimize the urges I get. Just gotta keep on keeping on.
Hoping and praying for an equally successful and even easier tomorrow. Good night all.

 

thanks!
I've almost gotten bored and just given in a few times too, but most of the time finding a hobby or something seems to help with that; just something distracting you enjoy that you can pass the time with. I highly recommend it. Good luck to you too!

 

august 2 journal:
day 27 complete! I'll keep this kinda short because I want to get to bed. My sleep schedule is still kinda screwed from last week. I took a shower today and luckily had very few urges. Once, another time during the day, I got a pretty bad urge from a post on IG, but I got over it pretty quickly.
Hoping/praying for another successful day tomorrow; good night all

 

august 3 journal:
day 28 complete! so close to 30 days! (I'm pretty tired again today so I'll keep this one short too)
I went on a bike ride for the first time in several months today. I live down in the south US, so it gets pretty hot and humid, and that doesn't give me much opportunity to bike around outside. Today was alright though, so I did with my little brother and we played pokémon go. It was a pretty easy day other than that; no showers, and I was occupied most of the day so not much time to think about porn.
Hoping/praying for another successful day tomorrow. 'Night all.

 

august 4 journal:
day 29 complete. But holy hell I got really close to fapping today. It went like this: I was sitting on the toilet and saw some erotic copypasta-type thing online, and thought to myself "I wonder if I'm far enough into the process to get a hard on without physical stimulus". So, like an idiot, I read through it and did in fact get up pretty easily. But then near the end (like I should've seen coming), I got this really strong urge thinking "after abstaining this long, it would feel so great to jack off again". So I almost edged, and it would've been so easy too. Also, the rubber band I usually use to remind myself not to do that kind of garbage was off for the day because it's getting really loose and is gonna just fall off my arm one of these days.
That was by far the hardest urge I had to power through so far. I'm really disappointed in myself that I didn't see it coming and avoid it, but even now I'm reminding myself: I didn't fap. That's what matters. I didn't give in. Right when I was about to, in my head flashed a thought, "no! remember about the resolution you made on your birthday not to fap again! you can't go back now!", so ultimately I didn't.
And man it would've felt really good to fap I bet, but I would've felt shitty for days afterwards because of it. And for the sake of my streak, I didn't give in. 29th day down.
I'm hoping this was like my "final test" or something before I hit 30 days, and after this I'll just be home free. I know that won't be the case, but I'll keep pushing on.
Hoping and praying for an equally successful and much easier tomorrow. Good night everyone.

 

yeah, good point. I'll do my best to stay extra alert, thanks

 

august 5 journal:
well, that's 30 days complete. It's been a hard run at times, but I've made it a whole month (well, in a few hours I will have, but I'm going to bed now). Today was pretty easy; I think my mind was in "nope, screw that"-mode in relation to PMO, after my close encounter with it yesterday.
I really don't feel any different, but maybe I'll post something in the Success Stories board tomorrow. No idea what the hell to talk about, but maybe I'll try to think of something encouraging to say.
Sleep well, everyone, or have a good rest-of-the-day, depending on what time zone you're in. Hoping and praying for an easy and successful day for all of us tomorrow. Good night.

 

august 6 journal:
day 31 complete. today was really tough again, I got hit pretty hard by the chaser from seeing that ero crap yesterday. Almost fapped again before showering, but somehow I managed to push through. Hopefully this will die off soon and I won't be an idiot with what I read. I've learned my lesson about that now.
Also, from now on I'm just going to take cold showers. I still get acne on my face and shoulders a little, and washing during warm showers seems to help that, but I'm going to have to put that on hold for the time being to avoid urges.
Hoping and praying for another successful day tomorrow. Good night.