Starting afresh.

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Bee_11, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. topjobm8two

    topjobm8two Fapstronaut

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    Hey Bee

    I hope you are well. Congrats on making it to 24 days. I want to shre two things with you that is helping me a lot.

    1 - This is an amazing resource - Recovery Nation.

    http://www.recoverynation.com/recovery/recovery_workshop_contents.php

    It really distills a lot of the core issues, like emotional state management, and provides a practical, vision / values based approach to recovery.

    2- This podcast is aimed at Men, however I feel there is such solid, non-religious value in it that women may find it useful too. The guy who runs it, ex addict, has been clean for 11 years and treating people in private practice for a long time.

    https://www.listennotes.com/podcasts/the-porn-reboot-podcast-jk-emezi-v68VgpRIJYC/

    As a bonus - I have just started another podcast called Love people use things - it is also really good.

    Anyway, I have struggled for a while and finding these resources has given me the tools I need for a proactive approach in my recovery. The only down side is, it takes work. It also takes the pressure off.

    Best of luck to you.
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  2. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 26.

    The urges are getting stronger. It's mostly because I am finding myself alone a lot. Holidays are over and everyone at home is back to their workplaces. But I am still trying to do my best. I don't want to watch porn, no matter how tempting it looks like. I need a clean life. I need to do this. On days like this, I will push harder. Meanwhile increasing numbers is a good thing. It gives me hope. It makes me feel better. Thank you all for being there for me.
     
    Loveless-J.R.A and Freedom_lover like this.
  3. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    Hello,

    Have you tried to install a program which blocks porn on your computer? I am planning to do this soon.
    Yes, loneliness and boredom are sometimes the root of this problem. But I can promise you that after 65 days or so, the urge to watch pornography will decrease drastically. In the meanwhile you can masturbate once in a week or so to relive pressure(this website is not against masturbation). Anyway, I don't know how it works in the case of women... Of course the ideal thing is to quit masturbation too and have a partner but you need to take one step at a time. It's simple. First you finish porn once and for all and then you decrease masturbation.
     
  4. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Bee_11

    Thanks for sharing this post. I had some really bad urges myself today. I had an edging session that ALMOST lead to PMO. While I was not looking at Porn, there was some dating videos on YouTube that have become a bit of P-Sub for me.

    I have watched it more and more increasingly over the last few days. This morning as I watched it my hand drifted to a familiar place......

    However, I know why my temtaptions are so high. I am dealing with alot of stress right now:

    1. Wife is out of town for 3 days: I miss her and want to be with her
    2. Preparing for a sermon on Sunday: Oftentimes, trying to prepare a sermon is a long process as you are trying to keep you mind open to what God will have you share. For me though, it can get frustrating and I want to resolve my anxiety. Often that us when I distract myself with videos and other stuff on Youtube.
    Well, this was a huge learning experience for me today. Had a close call but won. I don't know about tomorrow, but I won for today.

    Hopefully this encourages you. We can make it. Stick to your plan and monitor yourself closely.

    Cant wait to hear your next entry.
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  5. tet2vd

    tet2vd Fapstronaut

    Hi @Bee_11 , I'm not even sure if I'm allowed to send a reply in this part of the forum because I'm not really a girl, but I read this post and can relate to it so if it'll help you, I can let you know what I did for NoFap for myself. It's pretty similar in a way to your situation here, but I remember being pretty ashamed about it and realizing wow my life has come down to this. So I ended up getting a P blocker(not K9, which I've heard about but i'm hesitant to randomly download things off the internet to be honest), app extension to my search browser. I use Google Chrome and so finding a free site blocker was great in helping me out some with NoFap. It was password encrypted so I had a family friend who I trusted use her own password to lock it so I wouldn't be tempted to unlock all these P sites myself. As for sharing, I shared my struggles with my mom, which was difficult to be honest, and my family friend. Since then, I've also told a couple of my closest friends, whom were supportive and that was really helpful as I study for my grad school test. I'm not good at sharing intimate details about myself, but it was a step to making my way to recovery and I'm really glad I did in the end.

    I come from a relatively conservative, traditional family so sharing my struggles with my mom was more daunting than I originally thought. However, knowing that my parents do love me, helped with nudging me over to the decision to just spill it all to them. A little support from the people closest to you goes a long way. Hope you're doing well, as it looks like you are on a 27 day streak at the moment! Cheers
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  6. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 30.

    It was supposed to be my 30th day without PMO. Everything was okayish but my exam is almost in two weeks and I got overstressed. I didn't watch porn. But I did watch some stuff on you tube that led me to MO. I don't know what should I call it. It wasn't completely intentional nor completely unintentional. I just got lost. And I really want to not go down into relapsing. So, what should I do now? Shall I continue with the old spirit and try to have a better streak this time? I know the answer to this. I know that I should.
    Worse part is that I am single. Like at the end of the day, most people here have someone to feel a certain way with. Whereas I am single and I plan to stay single for long. I don't really know how do I get this extra energy, this physical energy out of my body. Any help will be appreciated. I broke my streak on 30th day. A month. It was a great experience but breaking it hurts. :(
     
    tet2vd likes this.
  7. tet2vd

    tet2vd Fapstronaut

    No sweat Bee, now it’s just time to get back on it and work up to 31 days, one day at a time. Being single is tough I feel you on that sometimes. Especially when you’re stressed and you’re not sure who you can share the load with. But if you think about it, wow you made it a WHOLE MONTH without having someone to help you with it ( I mean significant other here, not counting your parents) and that’s HUGE! Keep at it, I’m also doing no pmo and I’m on day 20 with my mcat coming up in 3 days! So totally understand the stress with schooling and what not! I believe in you!
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  8. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 0. (Streak 3)

    Thanks a lot @tet2vd
    I mean I don't really know what happened. But I know that if I can make it 30 days, I sure as hell can make it another 30 days and more. But I will just take it one day at a time. I think one day at a time is a good approach. It sucks.

    First time, when I tried NoFap, it lasted only for a week. I was in relapse for almost a week and then, I started again. And I made it to 30 days. So, now maybe, I will just go ahead and make it a longer streak than both earlier times. I can do it. I will do it.
     
    tet2vd likes this.
  9. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    You are too tough with yourself. It doesn't matter if you masturbate once in a while and this website is not against masturbation. Porn is the big problem. You did masturbate because you are in a period of reboot where the energy goes first inwards and you felt you need extra energy in order to cope with the exam. You felt like you needed a release.... So I would say this is not day 0. It's day 31!
     
  10. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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  11. Guardian93

    Guardian93 Fapstronaut

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    I disagree, personally speaking, what made me addicted was M. P started years later.
    Oh and congrats on 30 days @Bee_11
    :emoji_thumbsup:
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  12. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    I understand this but thing is, I want to feel responsible about it. I want to make it feel important to me. So, I restarted the counter and I will be more than happy to take this streak farther.
     
  13. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot. :)
     
  14. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Hello, everyone.

    I hate to admit it but I am still in relapse. I haven't watched any sort of porn but I am ashamed to admit that I resorted to literotica this time. I don't know why. But I can't seem to get it under control. It's like, urges have gotten worse since the last time. But I am hoping to have a sober day from right now and on. I don't want to feel this shame. I don't to feel like a bad person. I cannot afford to lose all my confidence and happy thoughts again. I hate this. I really do. I would really appreciate it if some of you help me out on this. How do I get out of this relapse? I know that it is just the matter of getting through first three days. As soon as I gain some clarity, I will definitely be back on track. I don't want past 2 days to ruin those 30 days. Help! Please?
     
  15. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Bee_11 I am right in the same boat with you.

    Had gone 20 days. I got triggered by some dating stuff on YouTube that was harmless. However, I didn't realize that I was using it as a P-Sub.

    I MOed on Saturday afternoon (thankfully no P). My wife got home and we had sex last night....which was nice.

    So I restarted my counter....however I am now in "chaser effect". I watched the YouTube videos again, thinking I had gotten it "out of my system". REALLY DUMB. I MOed 4 times on Monday.

    What is wrong with me? On yesterday I was doing fine and then, I was going to "test myself" against those videos again......

    THANKFULLY, I asked myself why and was able to be honest..... I am craving the physical release. No more complicated than that. I had forgotten JUST HOW POWERFUL these urges are soon after PMO. I also realized that my time being on NoFap slowly dipped as my urges got STRONGER. Thankfully though, I made it through to today and am back on the horse. I also removed those videos from my recently watched list. I am now more aware of when I am using things for P-Subs. Gotta win 1 battle at a time.

    Just wanted to write because you and I ARE IN THE SAME PLACE. I got encouraged seeing someone post they made it to 40 days. If they can I know we can too. But remember......you are suffering the CHASER EFFECT. And because it's been a while that chemical hit is HARD.

    So how do you get back on the horse? Just make it through today? Can you do that? I just did..... Everytime today you feel the urge.....post something here at NoFap. Doesnt matter if it's your journal or someone else's stuff, just post and encourage someone.

    Tomorrow will be here before you know it!!!!!!

    You can do it, girl. We can do it. Let's hold each other accountable.
     
    cosmicology, tet2vd and Bee_11 like this.
  16. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Bee_11

    To help get some dialogue going, what was the last thing you remember doing or feeling before being triggered. Why do you think that trigger worked?

    What advice do you have for me to keep going?
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  17. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Trigger warning: Here's a detailed account of How I relapsed. If you don't have much control over yourself, avoid reading this.

    @Prov2416 You are really helpful. I think I understand it now. And I will make through it today. Anyhow. Somehow. I have to do this. I don't want to fall back. I want to go ahead and make it one more day without PMO. And then another.

    It is actually funny how I was able to defeat all urges when I was alone. I didn't even think about it all the time when I was alone for a long time. In fact, I took a nap as soon as everyone else left for work in the morninh. I had slept scrolling through my insta feed and unconsciously, it felt like I needed to watch porn and my hands were almost just trying to type something but I fought that urge. I threw my phone away on the other bed. And I slept. And I woke up knowing that I had finally defeated that urge. I was happy.

    But the urge kept coming back. In the evening, everyone was away to a party. I didn't go cause I have the exam on 3rd. I was getting hyped up, stressed up and then, I didn't really think much. I just kept trying to shoo away that urge but it was so strong. I didn't want to watch Porn, so I didn't. But I read some stuff. Tbh, I wasn't really too physical. I didn't use my fingers a lot. I just rubbed myself a little too much. And I got an O, I suppose. It lasted for seconds. But whatever. I did that and I felt guilty.

    Since then, I have been unable to read or do anything related to studies. I am afraid, I will fall back into that but here, you gave me a good advice. I will try to be here on NoFap for as soon as I feel the urges.
     
  18. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    I went 30 days without PMO before this relapse. I will suggest you to take it one day at once. You can start your day here on NoFap by posting a status that goes like "I won't do PMO today because...." to remind you why you started.
    Whenever the urges arrive, you can say it inside your head out loud. You have to mentally form a sentence like, "I want to fap," and then you have to say it to yourself. It is weird but that's the whole point. If it sounds so weird, how weird it actually would be.

    You can also do this thing. If you are having a mental image or that sort of issue, you can actually imagine funny things. I can help more on working with the imagination thing. If you want to know more, you can inbox. :)
     
    Rah1604 likes this.
  19. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    Glad to see you are writing again. As of now, I feel good and am RECLAIMING the BEAST. I want you to move from being a victim to getting your confidence back.

    As for your slip up, it was the same for me. It was actually a kiss between people on a blind-date. But there was alot of flirtatious stuff going on prior to it. So the key, I have realized is that it's not the content. It is how I AM USING IT.

    And now I am re-dedicated because I forgot HOW STRONG these urges are, and how truly going for 3 weeks definitely changes your physiology.

    So don't sweat the MO. It happened, but now you can TRULY SEE how much better we are without it.

    As for me, I am thankful for the opportunity to be a better person and experiencing living better. I am back to being okay with my urges now. They will happen and they are a part of me but THEY DO NOT RULE ME.

    Again for you, as they come up for you today, say out loud..... These urges DO NOT RULE ME.

    Hit me back and let me know how it's going. I want to hear from you 2 more times today.

    Let's do this ;)
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  20. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    You have to understand that fighting to preserve sexual energy and not waste is a fight for your life. Because as soon as you give up you push out your energy, which is your life force. Without energy, there is no life.

    You are in a period of reboot and it's normal to feel like you don't have enough energy to cope with your exams. You don't get anymore dopamine from porn and your mind is used to get it from there.(which is a very harmful habit).

    Regaining your energy and your life is far more important than your studies. Because once you have recovered your life you can do much more! You feel much more alive! You can do anything.

    What can you do to stop the urges to watch pornography?
    1. Be less tough with yourself. You need to understand that for the beginning, masturbating once in a week without watching porn is Ok. It's better to relieve the pressure and avoid watching porn at any costs.
    2. Pray to any deities. This is helpful and you can also study religious faiths or read sacred texts. If you want, you can try even the Christian religious. I don't know why but praying to Jesus works wonders for some Indians.
    3. Take a nap as soon as the urges are too strong. It doesn't matter if you don't study so much, it's much more important to reclaim your energy and life than failing one exam.
    4. Read all the other websites on the harmful effects of porn.
    5. Do not despair. You don't have to fight the urges your whole life. In time(after 70 days or so) they will vanish.
     
    Bee_11 likes this.

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