Starting afresh.

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Bee_11, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Quite possibly. This is a forum full of sexual/pornography addicts. So, any details you may give them would contribute to their addiction. I think most people who show up here genuinely want help. I also think, from time to time, there are trolls who show up that would like nothing more than to sabotage your recovery.
    Don't answer them. If the questions in question are troubling or inappropriate for you, you have every right in the world to stop them in their tracks. Don't you dare put up with this nonsense for a moment. Set that boundary loud and clear. If they persist, cut it off. They're not pursuing recovery. They're pursuing addiction. Do not allow this to stand. If you need/want help with this, PM me, and I'll help you navigate it so that you don't have to do so openly in public unless you are comfortable doing so.
    Yes! Precisely why you owe it to yourself to put a stop to it.
    Whether you decide to face your God or not, your God is facing you; right here, right now, right forever. Remember, no matter your religion, your God loves you, and loves you unconditionally. It makes no difference what you have done. You will never find a human being on earth that loves you more than your God does.
    Haha, this is something, while you will have withdrawal from it, you will be a better person because of it. I find NO, as in ZERO, value in social media. And I used to live by it. I couldn't put it down. Now I look at it only for learning what's going on in the lives of those I love who continue to post their own nonsense on there. I haven't posted one thing on Facebook in a year and a half. Now, I don't miss it at all.
    THIS! Perfect response. Then after that, if they persist? Cut them off! They're toxic to your recovery.
    This is GREAT! You set a Boundary. Then you enforced it! Good for you!
    This is important. Do not share anything with anyone who doesn't bring value to the situation. It sound like "mum" is more interested in what's good for her than what's good for you. That's pretty fucking selfish, excuse my expression. Set your Boundaries with her as well. It's "Mum, I am studying in a manner that is most conducive to my success and well being. Please do not talk to me about studying." If/when I need your input about my studying, I promise, I'll ask for it". And leave it at that. If she continues, "Mum, this subject isn't subject to negotiation or discussion". And leave it at that. If she continues, gracefully, pick up your things, and leave the premises until such time you feel compelled to return.
    Perfect!
    This is your brain craving dopamine. If you think about it, it's the same way people who are alcoholics react to lack of alcohol. It is the same way people who are drug addicts react to lack of drugs. This is normal. This is hard. This is also something that starts to turn a corner between 30-45 days. If we can get you that far, a lot of this will lift.
     
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  2. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    It's a beautiful conclusion of post, Bee.
    I love the determination you demonstrate with these lines.

    This recovery process can be a rollercoaster of emotions, just as you're experiencing right now. One day you'll feel the happiest person in the world and another day you will feel the most unhappy. But I think that up to a certain point it's normal to have such volatile feelings. Your brain is undergoing a very strong change, it is not happy and it's showing resistance. But don't give up.
    Be clear about your goal to be here. Always remember it, especially in the worst days.
     
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  3. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 7.

    Thanks a ton, you guys. This is day 7 of no PMO. Last night was really tough as my mind kept wandering off to Porn. But I didn't do it. I mean, I am not trying to sound a lot heroic right here because I was allured to the thoughts but still, I didn't fell into the trap. I did not even charge my cell. Just so, I won't fall for anything that I will regret later. I am feeling a lot less than usual. I am feeling good but I guess there's a slight effect of withdrawal that makes me want to think of silly things but my laptop broke down today and that kept me occupied for a while. Last time, it was the 7th day when I relapsed. I don't want to relapse this time. I read what @Freedom_lover and @GhostWriter posted in this thread and it kinda motivated me to stay strong. So, I guess, I will not break down today. Beyond this, there's a beautiful life that awaits me. I gotta make through this. I will.
     
  4. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    I'm glad you arrived at 7 days!
    Congratulations, Bee! :D
    Now put on another next goal, maybe 14 days?
    The goals set clear goals and when you reach them your brain releases the dopamine. It's the same substance to which our brain is addicted but now it's released in a healthy way.

    Let's keep meeting our goals, Bee.
    I'm with you n_n
     
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  5. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    Some advice for you: Try to practice spirituality because Indian spirituality is very deep and liberating.
    At the same time, don't feel ashamed. Indian culture, although very deep and fascinating, puts much pressure on women. Women have to be caste and pure, etc. This is a good thing but it's somehow exaggerated in India.

    Find a deep Hindu philosophy and dedicate your life to one of the Gods. The one who fits you the most.

    Did you know, that women dedicated to a goddess, were more likely to preserve their virginity and kept far away from lustful thoughts?

    You mentioned boredom and I think it has to do with you being raised in a very strict way. Porn seems like an escape. Actually it drains life out of you and keeps the gods distant.

    Don't take your studies too seriously. A spiritual life is more liberating.
     
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  6. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

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    Remember, "one day at a time" My Lady. Take it one day at a time.

    And the first 7 days is huge!
     
  7. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot, man. But I wouldn't want my life to be without any aim and so, I would love to study. Spirituality, I believe, is a feeling that arrives when you're at peace. I want to be at peace first. This journey is spiritual. Anything that makes me meet that person who's inside is spiritual. I understand what you're trying to convey here. I will sure try to adopt one of the devotions in coming future. But Indian Hindus believe in a quote that work is worship. So, I am just doing that right now. But thanks a lot. Means a lot that you're looking out for me.
     
  8. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much. You helped me through it. I can't even put in words how very grateful I am.
     
  9. UltraFree

    UltraFree Fapstronaut

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    Very very well said!
    Good luck with recovery.
     
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  10. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Yes. That's an amazing idea. I am setting one more goal. I will strive to go PMO less for upcoming 14 days.
     
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  11. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 8

    I won't say that past 7 days were easy but they were something like they were bound to happen inside my head because I had already done it once. I guess, things become easier to do when you've once done them. There's extra pressure though but it's good pressure. A lot of things have changed past these 7 days. I am thinking a lot less about porn but whenever I think about it, I find that the urge has been getting stronger. My mind is getting involved in all the right places. I am less depressed than last time I was off PMO. I want to think that it's getting better but there's a fear. Fear of relapsing. That's the kind of fear I need to have. Because this time I really do not want to relapse. I don't want Porn to control my life like I did for a month or so. I feel more open to my family, more honest. I can finally think about things that actually matter. I want this life that's in front of me. Days will be tough, I know, yet I do not want to resort to PMO for a false sense of pleasure. I need to live. To feel all emotions. Not just the pleasure. I need to do this. I owe it to myself and to my parents to be a better person. They have done every thing in their control to provide me with a better life than that of theirs. I can't lose all of its essence just for a sense of pleasure. I cannot. I owe it to them and to myself, to live my life to the fullest. :)
     
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  12. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 9.

    It is a mixed day. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions. I couldn't sleep last night. I aleptat 6 a.m. and woke up at 12 p.m. I was kinda ecstatic because I did MO without P around 4 and I succeeded in having an orgasm naturally. It was good because I didn't know I had it in me to have it without P. But then, I couldn't really sleep and when I woke up, I didn't know how to feel about it. I am kinda emotional because I can not see myself going anywhere in my life. I feel like a mess. I feel so messed up. But then, that's how I am supposed to feel while I am still trying to crack an exam. But I just hope that I make through this. Also, from today, I am abstaining from M and O as well. I will take it to next 14 days. :) Thanks a lot for believing in me, y'all.
     
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  13. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 10.

    Happy New Year to everyone. It was a rather beautiful day and I almost forgot everything about PMO. There were no mental images or any urge. Maybe, it was because I was with friends whole day. So maybe, it's going to be an easy day.

    Happy New Year to all of you guys, here ❤
     
  14. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    It is always great to hear when people feel better. I will share one discovery, in the hope it might help:
    Every recovery is unique in its ups and downs, but for every individual, it's almost like clockwork. If you log your feelings, energy level, everything, you can in the future anticipate bad spots and danger zones. With maybe one day error, every streak I did was 80% the same, day 1 to day 1 and so forth :)
     
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  15. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    I thought I will study till late. But then I am having urges right now. That's what I was talking about the other day. Once we forget about our addiction, it strikes back harder. The urges are strong. Very strong, in fact. But this time, I am going to keep away my cell phone, finish the topic I was studying and then I am going to sleep. :)
     
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  16. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for sharing your experience with me. I am hoping it would help. That's the reason I am journaling. :)
     
  17. bobross

    bobross Fapstronaut

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    You can look into forms of mindfulness meditation, it helps you to focus your thoughts where you want them and push the unwanted ones away
     
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  18. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 11.

    Um. I had a wet dream today. I think it's a form of withdrawal effect because I don't usually have it. It was weird because one moment I was sleeping and next I don't know what's happening down there. I am still saying no to porn. And I feel a lot better that way. I am not objectifying people, statues etc. I can feel the fear of not making it even though I have been studying. I am studying. All I need to do is to get rid of withdrawal effects and then, be a better person. :)
     
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  19. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    I need views of you guys on wet dreams. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Or is it just the withdrawal?
     
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  20. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    I think it has to do with your studies unfortunately... I need to study too and although I have not P for the last 54 days or so... I think that having to study triggers me... and not because it's boring(I like to study) but rather because it requires much effort... it can drain you.

    Anyway, I have decided to take it easier with my studies and focus more on spirituality.
    Because if I relapse, my brain will be damaged again by porn and that's the worst thing.
    You need a healthy brain for studying.

    By the way, what do you study?

    P.S: It's good to sleep. Whenever you feel it like wanting to do it, go for a sleep. It doesn't matter if you have wet dreams. Even monks can have wet dreams ^_^.
     

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