Starting afresh.

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Bee_11, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    This really means a lot. I was in need of desperate help and you have really been very helpful.
     
  2. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks a lot for being there for me.
     
  3. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Are there, by any chance, some male users who ask triggering questions just so the person on the other side would relapse? I mean, Idk but I guess there's someone who wanted my help but is kinda pissing me off, right now by asking a lot of personal triggering questions.

    Wasn't it bad enough that my own body isn't really helpful right now considering how I relapsed? Now, other people are also contributing to this bad part.
     
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  4. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 2

    I was thinking I might start drinking water regularly and get my stomach issues resolved. I think that maybe, that's one of the other way to solve my issues.

    On an other note, my little brother asked me if I would like to go to the church with him tomorrow. I am not really sure if I am ready to go out and come face to face with my god but I still am hoping that I would make all the bad thoughts and images go away.
     
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  5. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 2.

    It's the end of day 2. I will be sleeping in a while. Today, I decided that I will stop using my cell phone a lot. Basically I will stop using internet a lot, altogether. I am thinking of doing this thing where I don't check my cellphone a lot and simply do other important work instead. I will only use my cell to make important calls and spend healthy and useful time on social networking sites. Let us see, how this would work out for me!
     
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  6. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    The same thing happened a few days ago.
    It's really annoying to talk to those people. But don't be afraid or don't hesitate to be clear and sometimes be rude and make it clear that you don't plan to talk about it with them. Far from being a sincere interest, it's a morbid interest.

    I wish you all the best in your new streak.
    I think that getting away from the internet is a good idea. I hope it gives the result you expect :)
     
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  7. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    @Bee_11

    I think I have identified your trigger. You say that it happens when you are studying....so you think its studying.

    However, I don't think it's that at all. In my opinion it is stress/anxiety. That is why you also want to PMO when you are bored. You want to FEEL/DO something. Stimulation helps direct and focus your attention.

    I can say this because it is one of my triggers. I am studying right now to pass some certification tests for the last 3 days, and the urges and thoughts are flooding through me in waves. What I am learning to do is to just let them pass. They are temporary. If being mindful if them is too much then you need to get up and go DO something. The more physical the better.....you have this anxious energy and the quicker you use it the better.

    As for porn stuff, you can use the K9, like others have said. There are other things you can use as well. Keep lurking around the forums and you will discover it.

    As for your relapse.......its great you actually made it a few days. Now you need to start processing and looking at your feelings. Begin to name and label what it is you are feeling, and what you are accomplishing by PM.

    This is an opportunity to grow and improve. Let be proactive and start coming up with a good plan.

    You can do it.
     
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  8. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 3.

    First of all, Merry Christmas to everyone out here.

    Thanks a lot @Prov2416. This matters a lot to me. I am still trying to get hold of everything around me. It's not a really great time to be focusing on my urges as my exams are about in a month. But I guess, it's still not late. I think that as much as I want to clear these exams, I still want to be a better person more than anything and I don't think that porn makes us better people anyhow. Porn feeds over the animals in us and make us a zombie, an addict who wouldn't have any control over their bodies. And guess what? Out there, people are busy normalizing it. Isn't it just the worse? NoFap community is a ray of hope in times like this. All of you, people, are amazing people who want to stay sane and focused and more humane than anyone else. So, thank you. Thank you so much for helping me out. Thanks a lot for being there. We will make it through.
     
  9. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Thank you so much. Means a lot to me. I told that person straightforward that I don't want to have any conversation with him. I told him that and he didn't come back. It was a relief, anyway, talking about it and discussing it with you because you know? Sometimes, I tend to think like all of my problems start with myself. So, maybe it's not the other people, it's me. I needed reassurance and I found it in you. Thank you so much.
     
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  10. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    Oh, I'm very glad to know that I made you feel better. I did not believe that my words were so significant, but if they achieved that effect, my heart rejoices over that.
    All my best wishes to you! :)
     
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  11. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 3.

    I went out to the church with my youngest brother today. I like how innocent children are. I like his presence. It affects me in a positive manner. I don't even want to think about fapping or pornographic images around him. His presence makes me feel a little better about myself, maybe.

    Then, I visited some of my family with my mother. I was happy. Next, I watched Friends and I was happy again. I was laughing when suddenly my mum decided to bash me about not studying at all. I heard her and she was right but I am just trying so hard. I am slowly trying to increase the amount of studying and learning to deal with the stress all over again.
    And it hurts me how she doesn't see all the things that I am struggling with. It isn't completely her fault though. She is very traditional and I don't tell her everything because I am scared of how she might react.
    Worst part is that I don't assume that she won't react good but I just know that as a matter of fact. And I don't really want her to understand me. I just want her to understand that this is the age when I am supposed to be supported by her.

    It's like all of her first reactions simply invalidate my issues. So, what if everyone else thinks that this is a first world problem? This is a problem. Right here, I have a problem. And I am not asking anyone to help me get through it. But I just want people around me to do this one thing. One crazy thing that they don't tell me about how my problem isn't even real. That's what I want my mother to actually understand.

    Meanwhile, I had strong urges. But I listened to some songs and I am halfway dealing with them. I thought if I would share my day with y'all maybe, it will help me in some way.
     
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  12. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 4.

    Has been the easiest day until now. I can see things more clearly. Urges are subsided. But I remember, even last time this was like that until urges finally arrived and I gave in. This time I am trying to be more alert of my thoughts. This time I will be more mindful. I have an exam after 36 days and I have to study. If I PMO even for a single day, it will eat my brain up and cause me the worst anxiety. So, I am just hoping that I could make it for next 40 days without PMO atleast.
     
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  13. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

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    Glad you had some good days.

    I am still studying like crazy (6 hours on Christmas) and feeling urges here and there. Also, my wife just started her period this morning so it is going to be NO SEX for a few days.

    Thing is though, I wanted to share with you because sometimes people think that your issues go away once married.

    NOPE. You still struggle. As I prepare to take my test tomorrow afternoon, it will be interesting to see how things turn out. Hopefully I pass....if I don't it will be easy to resort to FAP to feel better...
    Nevertheless, I am going to stay accountable. Keep reaching out and I will let you know how it goes.
     
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  14. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    This is a benefit of having a diary. It's a way to vent all the feelings that you are developing during this time of recovery, I'm glad you've done one, Bee :)


    I'm sorry to read about the situation with your mom. I imagine it has to be difficult. Why don't you try to write a letter to she explaining that you are really trying to do things right? I don't mean to tell your problem with PMO, but rather about how you feel overwhelmed, with the right words.
    It's just a suggestion, I completely ignore the situation with your mom. Even if it isnot good advice, just ignore it.

    You're doing a great job, Bee.
    Every day without PMO counts a lot!
    All the best for you.
     
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  15. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    I totally understand your point here. I had been having a great day but then my stomach is hurting right now. It has caught some cold probably. I don't really know. It hurts bad. And I am studying too. Not a lot but I am trying. And you will be great, man. It will be okay. Even though she is on period, I suggest you stay close to her. Cuddle with her. Help her get through these days. You know? Like be empathetic. Do some thing that keeps your mind off sex and fap. And then, when her periods will get over, maybe you will get to have some great time with her as well. :)
     
  16. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    You know what? I felt exactly the same way yesterday about having a diary. It helps. And you know? I have actually went through a lot this past year and maybe, I just used PMO to feel not as much as lonely or depressed or you might say unloved. But PMO was never a solution. It could never be. It was just a sad escape mechanism.

    I am still not completely functional but I am slowly getting back on track. I watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and I study a little more than what I do everyday. I am trying. I will keep trying for all I know. Thanks a lot for being there for me. It really helps me. :)
     
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  17. Freedom_lover

    Freedom_lover Fapstronaut

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    Yes, it helps a lot. I checked it, too. I did not like the idea of writing about what I was doing. I am more of that kind of person who reserves his things. But the diary helps me to be honest with myself and gives me a sense of responsibility. First before me, and then with the people who read what I write.

    On the other hand, the newspaper gives the opportunity to other people to support you on your trip. Trying to get out of PMO is complicated, and doing it alone is even more so.

    I guess all addictions have that background. Get away from reality.
    It is good that you have understood what it is that brought you to this. Once you recognize the problem it is easier to get out of it and look for solutions.

    The recovery is gradual. There are no quick solutions or shortcuts. Each recovery is different and takes time. Take it easy and you will see that after a while you will begin to feel better. That's when you will notice that the reboot is fulfilling its function.

    Hahaha I like that series too. I enjoy seeing her.
    You're welcome Bee, I like to exchange words with you n_n
     
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  18. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    The feeling is mutual. You're a really kind and amazing person to help me through this.
     
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  19. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    Day 5.

    I have had urges today. I didn't give in though. I am good. Though, I really need to do something about my studies. I need to work on it. And I will. I definitely will. :)
     
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  20. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

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    I don't really know but I guess the worst part about being me is the mood swings. One day, I am totally committed to a cause, another day I don't remember why I started in the first place. One day, I am there with emotions at the back and call of my head, other day I go just plain numb. I don't know why am I like this. I become this zombie person who acts only in order to satiate his/her needs. I just desperately want to feel something, sometimes. And maybe, that's one more reason why I resort to PMO. Maybe, it's just what my body do so that it could get things done. But I don't want to do that this time. I am going good and this time, I really want to come out clean. I don't want to feel dirty for the rest of my life and so, no matter what, I won't give into this urge. I won't be the animal that can be controlled by a drug called porn. I will take my power back. I will fight it. I am not giving up. Not now. Not today. Not ever.
     

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