Starting afresh.

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by Bee_11, Dec 21, 2018.

  1. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    I relapsed after maintaining a week of no PMO streak. I went in relapse and it took me some time to figure things out all over again. And I reached a conclusion. I want to share that with everyone.

    Every once in a while when we would think of hastening the process of healing, we might as well end up hurting ourself. One of the thoughts that urge us to hasten up the process is also the thought that gives you a false hope and you start thinking 'Maybe It isn't as bad with me," or "Maybe, I could do things on my own and be good myself," or "Maybe, why am I being so hard on myself afterall" and that's how we give in to our self doubts. These thoughts are not completely negative perse. But it might vary person to person. Sometimes, it just might be our overconfidence speaking.

    This isn't how you win. You don't win by considering your enemy weak. If you underestimate your problem, you will never be able to control it or uproot it.

    Now, I have come to an understanding that I still do not have proper control over every desire of my body. No matter how bad I want it. What's worse is that past few days have been really hard. I was caught off guard by a fever and I gave into my urges one day after another. I don't feel any good about it.

    But this time, I am more familiar with what my issue is and where the problem lies. This time I am more familiar with how my urges work and I guess, the better you know your enemy, more are the chances of you defeating it.

    I am not saying that relapsing was a good experience. Here, I am saying that I learned things from my bad experience and I am ready to imply them now.

    I won't try to do a month or two weeks either. I will use this simple technique. For next 9 days, I will wake up and whenever the urges will arrive, I will tell myself and my body and them urges that, "No, Not today."

    Being stuck in PMO cycle has been the worst experience of my life. I feel so detached from my culture and my gods. I see things I don't want to see. But I will make through it. I know. Where there's will, there's the way.
     
  2. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    I feel terrible because of the cold that I have. I have urges too. And being sick doesn't help with that. It is like any moment I would turn off the guilt switch and move to porn for comfort. But my rational mind and my emotional part doesn't want to do that. I don't really want to do that. But I am stressed that I don't really know how else to make through all of this stress that dives in with the ambition. I feel bad about myself. Sometimes, I feel like I try all too hard for nothing. I have these pessimistic thoughts hovering over my head. But I know that this is a trap. I know that I have to fight this back. I am telling myself that I will make through it. I have to. I just have to. I don't want to spiral down again. I will get back up.
     
  3. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,485
    3,176
    143
    Ya know what? I have a few thoughts that may help you somewhat.

    First, I caution you. If you start a new thread "...starting afresh..." every time you relapse, you may be starting more new threads than you bargained for. There is good reason to create a single thread journaling your journey, so I would encourage you to use this: "Starting Afresh" as your one journal for your journey. It will give you a real history of your path to get from Point A to Point B.

    And so what. You relapsed. i don't know anyone that gets through their recovery efforts without it. This is a much more difficult journey than people realize until they embed themselves into it. If all we ever had was success, then people would try all kinds of stupid shit because there wouldn't be any consequence. Embrace your failure. When you fall off that horse, you dust yourself off, climb back in the saddle, and ride again. And you keep doing so until you can ride without falling off the horse.
    Yeah, I think everyone who starts wants to attempt to hasten the process. Unfortunately, it's a brain disease. The brain requires a healing process. As any 12 Step Program will tell you "there are no shortcuts".
    Exactly!
    Great!
    Greater!
    That's the right attitude. You've got the right mindset. Now you just need the tools to execute that mindset. You're doing great. Don't sweat the little things...like a relapse. If you're not stumbling on your journey, you might not be trying very hard.
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  4. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Hey, there. Thank you so much and this was the first time I relapsed and I kind of didn't know how to cope up with the guilt, so I started a new thread by a stimuli response. But I know that this way I will lose all track of my progress. I will be journaling here in this thread only, starting from today. It feels good to have a place where I could journal it all. Also, Thank you for your kind words. I really needed a response like that. I was feeling somewhat like maybe I am not trying hard enough, but now that feeling is gone and I can look at the brighter side. Thank you so much. :)
     
  5. Prov2416

    Prov2416 Fapstronaut

    67
    115
    33
    @Bee_11

    I second everything that Ghostwriter wrote. You should really take it to heart.

    I am also glad to know that this will be your only thread moving forward. The whole point of journaling is to see and view the JOURNEY.

    I sense a bit of perfectionism with you. That is the undoing of SOOOOOO many people when trying to improve themselves. It is not about getting good grades or passing/failing. It is about exercising skills and tools, and making it to fight another day.

    Take some time, and reflect on the things that you have experienced over the 8 day streak.

    - How did you feel (tired, sluggish, moody)
    - When were your urges the most intense?
    - What emotions are you feeling when you want PM? What finally pushed you over?
    - What is 1 small thing you can add/remove to be better?

    Again, you have made more progress than you realize. Now its time to take that and put it 5o good use.

    We are cheering for you. You can do it!!!!!!!
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  6. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Okay. I was actually thinking about it the other day while I was in relapse. I remember how I didn't think at all about it when I first started up with the abstaining process. I thought my body would not react that much but now I remember very well. I don't have the hunger cravings anymore. In fact, I really eat lesser food whenever I am not PMO'ing. It's a good thing but since, I didn't realize the reason before, I was continuously worried about that what's happening to my diet. I have really put on some weight and I actually need to lose some of it. From today, I am starting up a new routine. Whenever I will wake up in the morning, the first thing I would do is to exercise some.

    About the other thing, like what are the times when my urges appear, I would say that my urges are of two kinds. One is a conscious urge and other one slightly subconscious. The conscious urge is there whenever I think about it. I am an artist and it takes time, a lot of time to get images out of my head. Specially when there's a lot of it too recently. So, the conscious urge is there till 2-3 days after the last orgasm. It takes a lot of nerve racking, psychological fight to defeat it but I would say this one's still easier to fight against. I mean you can hear it, you can talk yourself out of it. But the worst part starts after 2-3 days. Here, my body starts acting out. If I am too happy or too sad, I get edgy without any reason. I feel stressed all the time. I break down a lot. I hate this part because this part is really tough to fight against. Since there's no thought of PMO while all of this, you just do not understand how PMO is playing a part in it but then, when you relapse, you get it. It's there and you get it.
     
  7. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Honestly, the time when I actually need to impose a lot of self control is whenever I am alone. At night. Or whenever I am studying on a laptop with an internet connection. It takes a lot of my time curbing the urges. But I have kind of asked my mother to stay back with me for a few days and I guess, this would be a good thing because I feel ashamed about it and even though I still don't know how to talk about it to her, I know that her presence is bound to have positive effects on me. I am happy that I have found support in this forum. This is really helping. I really need help with the laptop thing. If any of you know an app that could just block the porn and nudity, I will be more than happy to install it.
     
  8. Evocation

    Evocation Fapstronaut

    It might be that you use Masturbation in order to feel better when a Situation seems boring to you or something is frustrating you (possible with learning - I don't know how it actually feels for you). But it also might be me projecting because those seem to be my triggers. Bored => fap, frustrated => fap

    As for a Blocking tool - People seem to be quite happy with K9 Web Protection.
     
  9. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    It actually might be the reason. I mean I can't really seem to tell from between the boredom and loneliness. These are two possible triggers. Whenever I felt bored, I did resort to PMO to make myself feel better. But if I am studying science, I am bound to feel bored and that's kind of inevitable. Also share what are your coping mechanisms?
     
  10. Evocation

    Evocation Fapstronaut

    As for boredom - I'm still working out how to deal with that Myself. Keeping yourself busy would be the General Suggestion - so stay busy at least until you feel the urges subside. What works for you might be different activities. The suggestions range from Sports, Meditating to Learning (for some it seems to work - to you it seems to not be a workable Approach). Meditating as well can be quite boring when starting out. Some gentle Yoga might be a better Approach then.
     
  11. Loveless-J.R.A

    Loveless-J.R.A Fapstronaut

    722
    18,907
    123
    My Journal
    Well I believe i grew immune to thst lonely feeling. But i tend to occupy myself quickly now. Always doing something constructive or playing some game that has no triggers in it.
    I do a lot of market research as my career path is Entrepreneur. To me its fun learning about new markets and businesses. You are from India, which is home to a lot of international businesses call centers for Customer Service.
    By chance, is your career path science?
     
    Bee_11 likes this.
  12. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Hello, everyone.

    I wanted to report that I relapsed again. I gave into the urges once again. I feel worse now.
     
    Loveless-J.R.A likes this.
  13. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,485
    3,176
    143
    OK, so you relapsed. Can you give us some details? What led to the relapse? What caused you anxiety to go there? Did you have a lot of unstructured time on your hands? Memories of the past? See if you can pinpoint the root cause. Your relapse is just a symptom. Let's see if we can find the problem.
     
    Loveless-J.R.A and Bee_11 like this.
  14. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    I was studying or more rightly put, was trying to study. And I remember I had urges. But I was trying to journal my way through them. I stayed up till late. I got bored studying. I thought I will watch some soft porn, like not porn porn but a little soft stuff. But then, things escalated. I stumbled over worse stuff and before I knew, I was there, completely doing it all over again. I slept afterwards. But I didn't let it affect me in a worse manner. I hadn't talked about it to any of my friends before. But then, today, I shared my issues with a dear friend and we talked. I read the getting started with NoFap manual later and now, I don't know about anything but I sure as hell am not giving up. Not now.
     
    Loveless-J.R.A likes this.
  15. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,485
    3,176
    143
    OK, so you know that studying is a problem. Unfortunately, it isn't an option NOT to study.
    You need to build yourself a war chest. This is a chest full of options, alternatives if you will, to PMO. It can be anything from meditation, to taking a walk, to exercising, to shopping, to whatever. These are things that will take the place of studying and occupy your mind on something else besides any PMO stuff until it passes. Generally speaking, these things can usually subside within an hour. Sometimes it takes longer, but if you have alternatives, it helps get over it within the hour. So think about what you want to put in your War Chest of tools to help you.
    So you know journaling, while helpful, will not work for you to get past it, so it doesn't go into your War Chest.
    Probably because you had to study no doubt. I hate that the material you are studing bores you so, and hopefully, it is a core class, and not something along the lines of your career (i.e. if you're bored with it now, it sure as hell won't get any better for you in your career).
    Not "...porn porn..."? LOL, what the hell is "...porn porn..."? I'm kidding, OK. This obviously is a Red Circle behavior. If you're not familiar with "circle behaviors", let's talk about them. The three circles are very helpful in recovery efforts. Incidentally, no amount of porn is OK, but then you already knew that didn't you?
    Of course they did. But you had to know that it would. Once you head down that path, it's down hill from there.
    No surprise there.
    No surprise there either. It has that affect which is why so many people use it as a pacifier to go to sleep.
    Just be careful, even with the best of friends. They talk, for they can't help themselves. You may not think so, but they do. Only tell those who bring value to your situation in a need to know only basis. Trust me on this one my dear. People WILL judge you.
    You know more than you think and you'll learn a lot more as you navigate your way out of this. Kudos to you for "...I sure as hell am not giving up..." I LOVE that attitude! Keep up the great work.
     
  16. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Well, I didn't get bored because of studying but tbh, I was really trying so hard that time to study because my exams are in a month and in India, there's large competition out here and there were urges. Half of my mind is always being spent as to how I will defeat them urges or how do I defeat them right now. But it's not like I don't want to study what I am studying but it's more like I get bored. It's more like Ugh, I have to do this again kind of bored. Also, we don't really get to choose our topics to study for competitive exams but I am pretty sure that this is something that I actually wanna do. But it's just taking so much time and I am never fully concentrated because of these urges. It's like I am never fully focused on my studies. Studies aren't the main issue here. Urges are. How do I make them go away while I am studying! How. Idk.
     
  17. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Also, hey. I forgot to mention here that I have been a lot sick lately. It's winter here. And I read that it is just how my body wants to cope. So, that might be another reason for heightened urges.
     
  18. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,485
    3,176
    143
    Here, go read up on this stuff, and come back and talk to us about it. These threads should provide you with a lot of ideas to curb your urges.

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?search/35173324/&q=urges&t=post&o=date&c[title_only]=1
     
  19. Bee_11

    Bee_11 Fapstronaut

    69
    164
    33
    Thanks because it helped. I got a few answers to the questions I wasn't even asking.
     
  20. GhostWriter

    GhostWriter Fapstronaut

    2,485
    3,176
    143
    Good deal. I certainly hope this helps you a lot. If you need anything, just ask. I'll do whatever I can to help you.
     
    Bee_11 likes this.

Share This Page