Started watching sissy

Hello everyone first i have to apologize for my bad english and bad grammar. I am 20 years old straight male.

I started watching pornography since i was 12 years old, i used to watch normal porn, have always found women very atractive.

Since i got bored of classic pornography, i started watching sph, joi, femdom then went to sissy hypnosis. Watched femdom since high school, would say from second year. My first time watching sissy videos was 6-7 months ago (maybe even before not so sure) i was on vacation and i was pretty much bored. I have never had ejaculation to sissy videos untill recently when i had my first ejaculation to that sort of videos (reason for not having ejaculation to it before is because i would always stop and switch to pornography with women i liked women with great asses etc).

So about 10 days ago i got sick and was at home for that time untill yesterday. I couldnt get erection to normal porn, girls on instagram, i mean i could but i needed some time, but with sissy videos it would be rly fast. Afther my first ejaculation to those videos i became scared of thoughts that i am gay, because i never liked men still dont.

Having dirty thoughts rly iritates miritates me and i wish that they would go away, but they just cant, and there are two things which i am scared of is not getting erection if i get intimate with girl, i used to get erections even looking at girls asses but now that has changed. I have never thought about sleeping with a guy bcs thats just gross, but i am scared why do i get erection super fast to stupid shit like sissy videos.

I havent watched sissy videos for 3 days untill this morning where i watched for 20 seconds and told myself wtf is wrong with me??

I told my mother about this and she said that i just need to stop watching this videos that they are destroying my brain and that i am not gay. Afther conversation with her i understood that i am brainwashed and that only reason for getting erection here pretty fast is because its something new and not getting erection to old porn is because it got boring.

Anyways i was wondering what would be best to do now guys? I want thoughts to dissapier and to be happy again.

Thanks for reading its feels much better when u share story with more people. Again i apologise for bad english and for such a long text.

 

I know where you're coming from and it can feel as if you hit rock bottom. Sissy hypno can cause massive identity crises.

It really is a type of classical conditioning that can be hard to discern and leave you in utter distress over your sexual orientation.

Once you're desensitized to vanilla porn and in some cases women in the porn you're watching, your brain is going to look for new ways to get the same level of arousal. Listen to this. Over time your primitive brain is not going to care what gender you're fapping to as long as it can get aroused. Often times these more shocking fantasies and those that can spark anxiety can produce the biggest arousal. So what do you think may happen when you're A. touching yourself intimately and therefore experiencing pleasure and B. seeing videos that have godlike depictions of nude men in them? The way in which these videos are made (i.e. highly focused on the men) don't help either. It's a sort of learning process and homosexual fantasies can be the result. This is novelty seeking/coolidge at its worst. Porn over time really becomes a case of monkey sees monkey does rather than being something in line with what you consider to be your sexual orientation.

The real question you need to ask yourself here is whether you can trust your Johnson. Turns out you can't.

https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/can-you-trust-your-johnson/

 

Thanks guys alot i i know what i want in my life, i know that start will be hard but i truly belive that i can get rid of this bullshit! @Roady i will read your journal, wishing u all the best!