Staring at other women

I've been doing this PA thing for years now.
That's a difficult sentence to say sometimes.
Feel free to reach out anytime.

 

Hi,
Sorry that your day was ruined. This is what PAs are like. They are not mentally monogamous and so look at everyone in a sexual way. It comes from sitting at a computer screen for thousands and thousands of hours looking at everyone in a sexual way. I think it will get better when the addiction is pulled into line/under control, but until then, please accept that you are not being personally rejected, he is just taking his PA out of cyberspace into the street.

 

'Mentally monogamous' - This is brilliant and perfect. I think it really captures part of the struggle for SO's, both with their PA partners and with themselves. I have seen accusations of SOs being too controlling or acting like the 'thought police' but in these cases the thought itself is also an act. It's a dopamine drip and yet another way for the addiction to cling to the host, like the parasite it is.

 

Why it's the last thing to go, essentially..
*nodding

 

I think many SOs are hurt and confused because they don't have such low standards of mental monogamy. My wife is genuinely bemused by my P addiction as she herself has zero interest in it at all. She also does not ogle guys in the street and finds that bemusing too. She used to think it was a competition but came to realise P has nothing to do with Sex.

 

I personally think women confuse love and sex too much.
But to add... I also have to tell my SO that.
And if he believes that... He should have stopped long ago.
This is a whole other mess.
Maybe People confuse the two.
Idk.
I just know for me... Sex and love are different

 

And yes.
Different levels of loyalty

 

Gosh Kenzi, sex and love can be different and they can be the same. For PAs the M and O they experience has nothing to do with love and that's the majority of them for most of us I'd say. It's only a short journey then to start messing up sex with a partner and love. For instance, I worry that PAs use sex with a partner as a psub?

 

I've experienced this.
We have lots of things learned now that keep us from being in this position again.
I refuse to be a M Aid

 

With you totally IN THEORY. Reality, on the other hand,... For many men, this years and years of ingrained behaviour.

 

Many PAs I've met are often in love with M and O, regardless of how it is achieved.

 

I think they are different but not always separate. Sex is one way to share intimacy which is tied to love and connection. Of course you can have each without the other but in a romantic relationship I know for me at least it's a requirement that here be both. They don't always have to be intertwined but at least part if not most of the time I myself need them to be

 

Always ask yourself why you initiated sex. If it was to empty your balls, you're still a PA.

 

Oh definitely, Torn. Ask the man why he initiated sex, if it was to empty his balls, he's still a PA. He probably won't tell you if it was, by the way.

 

Very true.
I know this because my SO was horribly horribly addicted.
Like, go to the store and he would use the "bathroom" addicted.
We have had good discussions and disclosures.
We discuss things often.
He's (earlier on) even stopped sex.
I think this is where most SOs would ideally like to see their partners...
Most of the time, most of them fight this.

And to clarify... Even mine did for almost the first year.

 

Hi Kenzi,
I don't understand the last three lines of your post. Sorry.