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Spur-of-the-moment 90 Day challenge. Have to stop wasting my days.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by wastingmydays, Jul 4, 2013.

  1. wastingmydays

    wastingmydays Fapstronaut

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    I'm an attractive 40-year-old woman. There are many guys who want to date me, and I would like to be in a relationship. I would like to be less isolated. Instead, I just wasted another day masturbating. A beautiful day. A holiday. A day when I could have been with my friends, or my sister's kids visiting from California. I could have done any number of things that would have gotten me closer to where I want to be in life.

    Instead, 6 hours. 6 fucking hours. I'd seen a link from TheAtlantic a bit ago, and bookmarked it. So here I am. Part of me thinks this is crazy, that masturbation is healthy, that it feels GREAT, that who wouldn't cum 5 times a day if they had the time.

    But I can't do this anymore. I've been late to important meetings. I've missed work. I've been late for dates with people I WANT to have sex with. If nothing is different in 90 days, what will I really have lost, right? I mean, I think the thing that make me decide to do this was the panic I felt at doing it.

    What normal woman would find it impossible to consider going 90 days without masturbating if they thought it would help their life? Right?
    Anyway, any newbie advice appreciated, I guess. But here I am. Day 1.
     
  2. Ulick Myers

    Ulick Myers Fapstronaut

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    Hi there and welcome. The more people that take up the challenge, the better ... strength in numbers.

    I can relate to some of what you say. For years, I found it very easy to live in fantasy world. I would fantasize and masturbate about beautiful women and/or watch porn, but in the real world my sex life and interaction with the opposite sex was almost non-existent. Giving yourself pleasure by masturbating seems great while in the middle of the act, but it doesn't fulfill anyone in the long term. When in my late twenties, my libido plummeted and I stopped showing interest approaching real women. Instead, the internet became the outlet for my sexuality - I fed my fantasies with internet dating sites, escorting sites and porn.

    Masturbation is just a habit like smoking, gambling or anything else. For me it was as much part of my routine as breakfast. And no doubt about it, it interfered with my work and social life. But I am delighted with myself for taking on this challenge and reaching one month.

    Can I ask if you used porn while masturbating and if you plan to stop watching it? If so, I would really recommend that you consult all the material on www.yourbrainonporn.com
     
  3. wastingmydays

    wastingmydays Fapstronaut

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    Thank you. I think I needed to hear that. It's so easy to try to talk myself out of this. But a serious addiction -- that's the truth of it -- I'm a consultant, get paid by the hour, work from home a lot, and if I don't work, I don't get paid. And I probably used the equivalent of 3 full work days this past month. That's over $1,000 in unbillable hours spent on marathon fapping sessions.

    Just wanted to say thanks, and I appreciate the support. I don't know how much I have to offer, but here for each other, right?
     
  4. wastingmydays

    wastingmydays Fapstronaut

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    I primarily used story sites like literotica for shorter sessions, and japanese hentai videos for longer. More recently, I got really into Tumblr & just would scan feed of kinked-out images for hours at a time. So, yes.

    And, yes, I'm going to stop, just because to me the whole point of them was edging & orgasms. So if I'm avoiding the second, no point in the first.

    I looked at the yourbrainonborn site a little, but it seemed to be a lot about men -- and I totally get that there are more men struggling (or admitting they're struggling?), and don't need info to be women-specific, but when it is men-specific, it's not that helpful. But I'll take another look and at least be sure to read all the gender-neutrel stuff.
     
  5. charles

    charles Fapstronaut

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    This is what it comes down for me. Whether other people claim it's healthy or not, what really matters is the effect it has on my life. Welcome to nofap and thanks for posting :)
     
  6. wastingmydays

    wastingmydays Fapstronaut

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    1 Day + 23 hours and counting ... :)
     
  7. nikotine

    nikotine Fapstronaut

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    Its eye-opening to know that women are going through these problems too. I was under the assumption that this was exclusively a mail problem, but now I see that its clear that women can go through the same things as well. Come to think of it, there was this girl at my previous office job who would constantly talk about how she would spend entire nights reading "Romance Novels." I know realize that those are basically porn in story, rather than pixelated form. We each have our poison, but its good to know that we are all share a common thread here in that we all want to get rid our of unhealthy self-pleasuring habits.
     
  8. wastingmydays

    wastingmydays Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, "romance novels" are often (though not always) porn wrapped up in a romantic story. Depending on the genre, the sex can be pretty rare & vanilla, or it can be frequent & explicit. "50 Shades of Grey" is just at one end of that spectrum.

    Can you imagine if guys could just read Penthouse on the subway in the morning like it was normal?

    Basically, I agree with you. It's interesting & helpful to see how even the most different people (ages/genders/marital status), have such similar demons.
     
  9. wastingmydays

    wastingmydays Fapstronaut

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    I'm on 2 ½ days myself. The first day was BRUTAL. Since then it's been easier, but it's also been the weekend (much easier to get out of the house & see people.)

    I'm a little anxious about the coming week: I'm a self-employed IT consultant, so I work from home 2-3 days a week. It's super-easy to never even get dressed, let alone shower, and I need to be on the computer almost constantly. My plan is to try to schedule time in clients' offices as much as possible, but that's not always in my control.

    That said, I am very psyched about this path. Just the shift in perspective feels like weight lifting from me -- for years I thought my only problem was how long my fap sessions lasted. And I was single a lot so good for me for getting my own. Right now, it feels so clear to me how much I was hiding from the world. And how much my marathon fapping screwed with my actual sex/love life.

    So, yes, very much looking to the future!

    p.s. Hello, Mister Fancypants! I've got news for you, pal. You ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and Shit... and Jack left town. :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 7, 2013

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