Sparkz

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by sparkz, Mar 20, 2018.

  1. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    I've decided I want to put all my energy into running, learning Italian and getting myself a new job. I'm glad to say I got through my week off without M. I feel like my thoughts are clearer. I'm enjoying the sense of progress I'm getting on the above, and I've decided when I go back to work I don't want to waste my time and energy being bitter about my job when I can do something about it - when I have options open to me. It's just about using my time and energy wisely. It's also about self-discipline, so going for a run after work when I may not feel like it, and likewise researching my job options. I feel like I can do it. I've also spent quite a bit of time this week journaling, and getting insights into what my regrets are, and what holds me back. For the longest time I've struggled with self-esteem, and seem to have inherited a lot of bitterness from my father. But his situation and his own regrets/bitterness are not mine. In a way moving away from home is the best thing I've ever done. I feel much more in charge of my life now. But I think a lot of that is also just growing up. Anyway, it's been a constructive week off. Just got to keep up my good habits now when I return to work (five days a week in a job I at best tolerate and at worst despise - but I can do something about it!)
     
  2. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    This has been a good read on your self reflection. I like the personal growth you've been having recently. It's very good for you. I hope you can find the job you're happy with!
     
    sparkz likes this.
  3. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Having some issues with anger at work at the moment. In a way it's progress because at least I'm not turning it all in on myself. But I don't want to be controlled by anger. I've been trying bottling it up but it has a negative effect on me. Need to learn to let it go because these things aren't worth getting angry about in the long term. At the end of the day, I'm leaving my job: I don't intend to stay there so why am I letting these people get to me?
     
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  4. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Well, you're almost done, don't think too much about them. Soon you'll be out of there and at a better job.

    However, it would be a good idea to think about how to deal with your negative feelings. It may be your job now, but what about the future? What if there are other things that can contribute to your feelings?

    I'm not exactly sure what's bugging you, but I hope you can find a way to release the negativity. If you need someone to vent to you're more than welcome to shoot me a PM.

    Good luck!
     
    sparkz likes this.
  5. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    I think it would be better to post your question somewhere else as a separate thread if you want more responses, and yeah, you are hijacking my journal here. But since you asked I do mention some of the benefits I get from NoFap in my journal. They include:

    -Better motivation and energy levels
    -Clearer skin
    -Clearer thoughts
    -Brighter, more shiny eyes
    -Better social confidence
    -No guilt, shame
    -Sweat less
    -Feel spiritually cleaner

    I did find that watching porn made me less attracted to real life men. Personally I didn't develop size expectations as penetration was intimidating for me. But as a sort-of Christian I try not to seek out or encourage sexual desire or encounters, and will not be having sex until I'm married or at the very least in a deep and meaningful relationship. I have found by doing NoFap I have been better able to uncover the deep-seated reasons behind my porn use and excessive M of old. So it's worth doing as a woman, even if we can't get ED, we can have other psychical/psychological issues, whether as a symptom or a cause or both.
     
  6. ReclaimedLife

    ReclaimedLife Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for your reply. I have moved the question into a new thread.

    I am still curious with what you mean about not being attracted to real men?
    Do you like the assertiveness of the men in porn or more the physical aspects?

    If you want to reply, the new thread is here now:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/woman-benefits-for-doing-nofap.214128/
     
    Last edited: Feb 1, 2019
  7. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Things are not so good at work lately, and I'm experiencing some anger and anxiety. But the only thing to do is keep going, and I'm trying not to let my negative emotions run wild. I have a lot of different coping strategies and I'm going to be relying heavily on them for the next few days/weeks/months - maybe even up until I leave this job.
     
  8. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Hey, you're doing a pretty good job so far even if you're unhappy with your current situation. I hope you can find a better job soon, too. Keep doing what you're doing to handle your negative feelings, as they seem to be working.

    Good luck!
     
    sparkz likes this.
  9. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    I learnt from my last reset that I really am pretty much recovered now from all my old issues around sexuality. I am no longer a compulsive masturbator. I don't use M to deal with stress or depression, but find more productive coping methods instead. I no longer have an issue with penetration. All my old faulty ideas around sex have disappeared. I no longer feel that I 'should' be having sex. I haven't been near porn for years. I am pretty much fully recovered. One or two fantasies/fetishes remain when I M, so I guess these are deep-rooted things. I am much more interested in love and connection than sex. I feel my sexuality is healthy again, and I no longer need M in my life. Perhaps only to release sexual tension. I try to keep away from triggers though, as I don't wish to encourage sexual desire. It is a distraction. So really I've come a long way. I would love to make it to 60 or 90 days without M, but I wonder if really my recovery is complete and I just need to be getting on with my life?
     
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  10. Retro Girl

    Retro Girl Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    I'm in kinda the same boat. I don't feel PMO is really an issue now.. but it doesn't mean everything is plain sailing in my life.. and I don't know where else to come but here for support. Even if we've got a hold on the addiction, doesn't mean we're not free from some the underlying issues that enabled it in the beginning.. and this feels the only place that understands that.. so it's hard to move on completely.
     
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