Sparkz

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by sparkz, Mar 20, 2018.

  1. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    Thats a good idea!! Need to think about what treats!
     
  2. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Sorry to say I did MO last night, so I've reset my counter. I think it was basically a result of having a lazy day and not burning off much energy. Also the loneliness I've been experiencing. I do feel bad about it, but I'm not going to beat myself up about it any more.
     
  3. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Aah, me too. We'll do better next time, yeah?
     
    sparkz likes this.
  4. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Yes we will :)
     
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  5. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Well my counter says six days but I've not really been focusing on that. I just don't want M in my life because I know it depletes me. Same with caffeine and rumination. So I'm doing my best to avoid these things and I think so long as I do that I'm on the right track. Trying to be more forgiving of myself as well for past failures. I'm going to get into proper journaling again for healing, I've decided. There're lots of things I want to do but at the same time I shouldn't pressure myself or beat myself up too much, which I think I tend to do. I just want to be the best I can I guess. I want the best life possible. Isn't that why we're all here? This is all about so much more than quitting PMO. It's about realising and seizing the beauty and magic of life. I feel like life is cheap in the world we have created for ourselves but in reality we are just beneath God and the Angels. We could be divine.

    So that's my update. Hope everyone is keeping up with their New Years Resolutions. I need to remember to get cake for the times I get cravings for M as well. I really want to see if it could work as a displacement thing (I may consider quitting sugar further down the line but I think I should focus on the above three things for now!)
     
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  6. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Just a quick update to say that I've noticed my anxiety has transferred from my appearance more to cleanliness. I'm more obsessed with things being clean now. So my house is cleaner than it was before, which I guess is a good thing, so long as it doesn't get out of hand. At least cleaning is more practical than rumination.
     
  7. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    Great job with recovery. Especially with going from concern over appearance to concern over cleanliness. Way to build a good habit!
     
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  8. Hello, just read your journal and i'm way too late to respond to everything, but i wanted to say a few things. First off i want to say that its a really good journal, very detailed (which some arent, including my own lol). Second, you've been doing a great job even if you have had resets you've had some really good runs in between and no porn for years?! Thats awesome. So keep up the good work and i'm sure you'll kill it eventually. Good luck to you :)

    On a side note about the appearance thing, (you probably already know this, but i thought i'd give my two cents), i think that over thinking about it and feeling insecure is bad because it can be sensed. It may sound weird, but i think the way you feel about yourself has a lot to do with how others see you. If you can be okay in your skin and confident in yourself, you'll give off a different image. Tough i know because its a vicious cycle, but its just something ive noticed...Well now youre on to cleaning anyway, which like you said is a better obssession.
     
  9. By the wah, i did read your whole journal, i just ran out of likes lol
     
    sparkz likes this.
  10. control your life

    control your life Fapstronaut Moderator Assistant

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    nice journal ,thanks for writing :)
    i like the idea of cleanness ,to live more pure life in clean house with determent emotions , i believe the path will be long ,even if we want it shorter ,we just have to learn how to be patient i guess ,good luck on your journey!!
     
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  11. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the encouragement. I do feel like I'm making progress which is the main thing. Yeah, I stopped watching porn overnight when I met my ex, which is nearly three years ago now. I never want to see it again - I think I'd just find it offensive now. Obviously my porn use was a substitute for intimacy, and I'm just out of the habit now. Also my ex was a former sex addict and I learned a lot from him about addiction.

    It's true what you say about the appearance thing. I think I'm mostly over it now, but I've always had a tendency to fixate on things; my focus just shifts over time.
     
  12. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    I was a bit shocked by all the notifications lol
     
  13. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Seriously bad PMT today - felt grouchy, tense and depressed. I swear it's getting worse - either with age or with NoFap I'm not sure. Or it might be my job too. I don't know. But it'll be a relief when it's over. I'm taking it easy tonight as I do feel unusually bad. Other than that things are going okay. I'm sort of sticking to my New Years resolutions - I'm making progress, at any rate.
     
  14. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    True, I do think patience makes all the difference between those who succeed and those who don't.
     
  15. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Update: I've recently decided I'd like to cut down on sugar too. Have a week off work and feeling confident and in control, like I can actually do what's best for me and take charge of my life. This feeling is great. Currently looking into some options for working from home, like any self-respecting introvert.
     
  16. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Noticed that one of the side effects of not doing M is I start to get irritable. Today has been a little rough; had a sexual dream last night and felt like doing M today. Nearly did, in fact, after a nap, but I got interrupted and then I came to my senses a bit and reminded myself I didn't want to do it this week because it's my week off work and I don't want to spend any of it feeling cruddy. it's been coming on for a couple of days to be fair: I always know because the feeling builds up. So I did some yoga then distracted myself by making food and hanging out with my brother. Just now I've been practicing my Italian, and I think this evening I will do some writing. Fortunately I am feeling creative and productive, which is probably due to all this energy I have, but a side-effect is I'm easily irritated, like I said. Probably need to step up the running. I even took a cool (not cold!) shower this morning. I love all the energy but the sexual tension is a pain. I guess I'm not used to having this much energy but I'd rather not fall back on M to reduce my sexual tension.
     
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  17. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    I've often heard that when your mind begins craving for MO it means that something is working, like how you feel sore after a good workout. It's not easy, especially with the tension, but hopefully it won't bother you too much.

    You've done a really great job so far! Good luck!
     
  18. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Thank you! That's an encouraging thought - that actually the craving is a good sign. Anyway I got through yesterday and I do feel really glad about it - smashed all my records on the treadmill this morning!
     
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  19. Solomon435

    Solomon435 Fapstronaut

    You're welcome! Great job on your record busting.
     
    sparkz likes this.
  20. Jonny123

    Jonny123 Fapstronaut

    Way to go @sparkz ! A great demonstration of how you can divert those urges into productive good activities. Sure the sexual tension is irksome - but it definitely passes, and just imagine how horrible you would have felt and how much your day would have been destroyed if you had masturbated! Good to read your post.
     
    sparkz likes this.

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