Sparkz

Discussion in 'Women in Reboot' started by sparkz, Mar 20, 2018.

  1. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I'm a 30 year old female. Been doing NoFap for a while, for personal/spiritual reasons. My longest streak so far is 35 days (5 weeks). Not bad. I want to go further though, with the aim of giving up M completely. Thought I'd start a journal to keep track of my progress. I probably won't spend too much time on here as I've learned from past experience that the forums can be triggering for me. I like the community though so I will pop in from time to time x
     
  2. Good luck! Stay strong and focus to your target! Don't forget why are you here!
     
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  3. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Happy journaling. I too aim to never M again. And to not use P again. I started about 12 days ago and have not relapsed... yet.
    All the best in achieving your goal.
     
    sparkz likes this.
  4. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Hey you're doing well! I stopped watching porn over two years ago and I would say it's definitely worth it - you feel less 'dirty' and guilty. My only problem now is with fantasising, but I'm learning to have mastery over my thoughts.
     
  5. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Still going strong. Last night was a bit touch and go as I had been feeling sexual all day after a sexual dream the night before. I didn't want to M though - I didn't want to feel the guilt that always comes after, and I didn't want to soil my mind with a dirty fantasy. So I'm glad I didn't. The last time I did M I was ill, so hopefully this behaviour is getting less 'normal' for me now. Hope this doesn't sound judgemental by the way - it's just I want to abstain from M for personal and spiritual reasons.
     
  6. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    I don't think fantasy is as harmful as P it self. But i am not an expert.
     
  7. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Way to go. Great determination.
    I don't see anything judgemental in what you said. We are all here to learn to abstain from what is harmful and from what we don't want to be a part of.
     
  8. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    I guess what I meant was I didn't want to sound judgemental about people who M: many view it as harmless and that's their choice. Personally I would like to abstain.
     
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  9. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Some of my fantasies are a bit morally questionable though :-/
     
  10. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Two years ago is a very admirable time. Wow!
     
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  11. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    There are many people here and they don't all have the same goals.
    Most fantasies are morally questionable. My fantsiser is rather ineffective. I have trouble conjuring and holding a fantasy in my head, one of the things that led me to porn, there are people out there with great imaginations .
    Most sex therapists and such say fantasises are normal and cause no harm. Perhaps they are correct, maybe not.
     
  12. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Relapsed Tuesday evening. Fell asleep then woke with a massive desire to have an O, so gave in. It felt amazing :-/. My fantasy wasn't too bad, but it did involve dubious consent on my behalf. I think this reflects my ambivalence about M.
     
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  13. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    No porn? Then you are moving forward. Yaaay!

    Fantasies are fantasies, i guess some get hooked on them.
    When i was younger fantasy was easier. In my teens I was tripping over fantasies left and right, a head full of them. Now, i cannot hold a fantasy in my mind for more than 5 seconds. I seem to have no imagination left.
    I am still denying myself the luxury of M. (goal is no P no M but would love Os) It was heart warming to read how much you enjoyed it.
     
  14. Liveoak

    Liveoak Fapstronaut

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    I think you are moving forward too if you did not use porn. Be careful though it sneaks back in. I would love an intense O right now but don't want to use P
     
  15. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Well done, you're doing really well! You may find that your imagination improves if you're no longer relying on porn. My fantasy this time wasn't that detailed, it was just an idea or image in my head. One thing I will say is that since quitting porn and significantly reducing the frequency of M, my Os are more intense. It's like I'm more sensitive, and I tend not to M now unless I really want to, which makes the O much better. In the past I used to M if I was bored lol.
     
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  16. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I think you're right I will need to be careful.
     
  17. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Planning to join a gym. Hopefully if I wear myself out physically I will be less tempted to M...
     
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  18. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    Going to get myself a small treat for each week that passes where I haven't done M.
     
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  19. Rancid Tove

    Rancid Tove Fapstronaut

    Sweet. Any hints as to what. Expensive DARK chocolate perhaps?
     
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  20. sparkz

    sparkz Fapstronaut

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    I'm thinking cake, but chocolate is also good. Sadly I don't like dark chocolate. If I manage a really high number of days though, I'll have to get myself a bigger reward.
     
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