It's called Betrayal Trauma and PTSD! The person that should have provided you a place of safety is the person that has instead provided a place to make you feel the most unsafe. "I can remember one well known sex addiction therapist telling me that I married my husband because there was something wrong with me. And that if there hadn't been something wrong with me, I never would have picked him in the first place...and when I told him none of that was true, he acted like he didn't believe me." "We call that Treatment Induced Trauma ...there's the trauma of finding out about the addiction, but then there's an additional horrible wounding and crazy-making when someone is telling you things about yourself that don't resonate with how you know yourself to be." "...the other piece that is important [about not labeling SOs as codependent] is that is places the responsibility for the addiction on the addict and not on the partner, which has been a huge part in how the sense of ourselves has really been dismantled by the addiction [codependent] model."