Something's got to work

Hey everyone,

I joined last week and I'm 8 days in on a Normal Mode Reboot (No Porn, No Masturbation). I'm Married so I couldn't go hard mode because I'm pretty sure my wife would kick me to the curb if we didn't have sex. Luckily I have a healthy sexual relationship with my wife but over the last year or 2 I have really had to concentrate to get excited and that's not good for me or her. Unfortunately, I have a very bad porn addiction, I have been looking at porn since the age of 13 and I'll be 44 this year. Ugh. I know I have an addiction and I have seen specialists, therapists, groups, read books, blogs and none of those activities have been able to help me get this under control. The porn naturally leads to long drawn out masturbation sessions and having a job where I work from home and no-one is in the house adds yet another challenge.

For me, this 90-day challenge is step one, and I love challenges and have decided to put a reward at the end of my challenge. I love gaming and I want to build a new gaming PC and would love to get a top end graphics card for this machine so from an accountability standpoint I'm sharing this goal and process with my wife and actually tracking the days on a whiteboard in my office where she can see. I know that this doesn't get accomplished if I'm not honest with myself and transparent with her.

I will most likely post progress somewhere in the site on a weekly basis as typing this to a group seems to be an uplifting and positive reinforcement to what I'm trying to accomplish.

 

Semi bad news day I'm right around 40 days and had a major relapse with porn. Looked at one thing and then it was like the floodgates opened. So now I need to reset and try to at least make it 60 days. The one bright light I did not give in to masturbation, but I almost feel like I need to reboot the whole process. The crazy thing is typing this message of disappointment is somehow uplifting and encouraging and I plan on doing better on this next reboot!!!