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Something Regular or a problem

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Deron458, Aug 15, 2018.

  1. Deron458

    Deron458 Fapstronaut

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    Hello everyone, My name is Deron, I'm 26 from Detroit,Michigan. I am currently a Grad student at Virginia Commonwealth University, I live a normal life, I hang out with my small group of friends, Smoke, party, play video games, and i have this beautiful girlfriend that i met at the beginning of this year. you know, all the interests of-your average 20 year old, but i have a little secret that i try to keep from the public. I'm not one to ever self-diagnose myself but for about 2 years now i feel like i have been suffering from a porn addiction, Now i have only told 2 people about this specific problem, One of my closest friend and the girlfriend that i had mentioned in the beginning. This first struck me last year in 2017,when this girl that i was talking too at the time and i basically were planning to have sex and it didn't really work out as planned basically i couldn't get hard enough. I was so discouraged cause it never happened to me before, Since then ive had this fixation on trying to end an addiction to porn i don't even think that i may have, but it could be a is strong possibility. Now given it be i lost my virginity at 16 and i found out about my problem when i was 24, between 24 years till now i've had sex but i was just always hesitant with it. i have struggled with anxiety in the past, but these last 2 years have been worst, I have become very more paranoid, Im more socially anxious, my confidence is low and my self esteem low, I've started having Intrusive thoughts. etc etc etc. I started watching porn when i was very young, really cant remember the age but i would say 9-12 years old.but started masturbating later on. In highschool it was at its worst. Sometimes that use to be the first thing i would do in the morning. Sometimes to all the time I use to come home from school to watch it. There would be times i'd watch it 1-4 times some days. after learning that a porn addiction was a real thing, ive decreased it from 1-2 times a day, My longest day from abstaining from porn was 21 days, but lately i haven't been able to get pass Days 3-5. This has been hard for me man, i dont even enjoy porn anymore like i use to. Majority of the time im not horny, its like my brain just wants to watch it, see the videos. after i do it i feel a sense of guilt and uncomfortability. I want to bring my life back together an stop all the obsessive thoughts about sex and all the other things i think of. This girlfriend i have, I love her dearly, and she's so sweet, caring and trustworthy. I dont want this thing to consume me. I want to have normal sex and actually be happy to say i've gone 30 days or 60 days or 1 year with PMO'ing. So tomorrow August 16,2018, I want to change for the better and for myself. A better me is coming, any words of encouragement, motivation or negativity are all welcome.
     
  2. Great job on recognizing the problem and deciding to fix it with your gf by your side.
    There will be ups and downs, the downs will be hard so make sure you have a plan in place, and even an emergency plan for when you are having a really hard time.
    Make sure you stay open with her, she might very well be your greatest support.
    Stay in touch here and learn, bring up hings that are bothering you.
    Make sure you are around other people a lot and keep your mind busy.
    Stay away from alone time with a screen and temptation.
     
  3. Just a little advice. Be mindful about your own privacy. Make sure you are not revealing things you don't want about yourself especially that you are a grad student and may be on the academic job market in the future.
     
    GettingAGrip likes this.
  4. Deron458

    Deron458 Fapstronaut

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    will do thanks man, just new to this
     
  5. Deron458

    Deron458 Fapstronaut

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    Appericiate it, Thanks Freddie Fox!
     

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