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Something has shifted

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Feb 20, 2019.

  1. Hello all, its been a long journey but im here, alive and ok. I have been struggling with escorts, massage, porn, objectifying woman, infidelity for many years now and recently masturbation . I go to Slaa and it helps so much. Although I have been struggling I have also made a lot of progress throughout the years. Knocking one behavior aside after another. I have been single for 5 years except for a relapse on my addictive Ex GF. That lasted for 6 months over 2 years ago now. I cannot remember the last time I visited an escort which is great but I have gone to a massage only 2 weeks ago. I am away from hardcore porn for 2 months because of the block I have put on my phone and PC. I was really against this for a long time because I believe it is from a power greater than me that keeps me away but I bit the bullet and blocked all adult content and it has been a great help, especially when I have bouts of compulsion. My biggest enemy is SHAME but after exploring this site and interacting with all you lovely people who I identify with has helped me a great deal. I am living within 24 hour compartments, sometimes a minute at a time. Im on day 2 of rebooting from M and I feel I am being deprived but thats my addiction telling me lies. Thanks for letting me share a best wishes to everyone on here. E
     
  2. @Gmork I pray that I can stay away from unhealthy sexual behaviour.
     
    Gmork likes this.
  3. Great to have you, welcome. Congratulations on your Success!! Blocking software is really good, alot think the same way, that they should be stronger. No one goes into the gym for the first time and lifts 500 pounds off the bench press. You start small and work your way up.

    What is your source of shame? Where do you think it came from and what message is it telling you?
     
  4. @I_AM_AWESOME The source of shame is what people might think even though there are not many people that know only close friends of mine. I was in an abusive relationship and I was shamed for my behaviour, singled out and told I was the only guy on this earth who behaved the way I did. I have dealt with that and it doesn't really bother me anymore but there is still an underlining shame factor here. I PM'd twice yesterday for 10 minutes each time and I have a bit of a hangover from it today. I set my counter again.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  5. @I_AM_AWESOME My phone is getting fixed in a factory so I am using another phone which is not blocked, I had nearly 2 months away from hardcore P
     
  6. @I_AM_AWESOME The message my shame is telling me is that I am a weirdo and that no woman will ever want me if she knew my behaviours
     
  7. Well obviously you're not the only person on earth who behaves the way you did so you can throw out that idea.

    That's understandable and unfortunate but there's a lesson here. Failure to plan is planning to fail. When you know that you'll be potentially at risk then take steps to minimize that risk. Install the blocking software on that temp phone or have the company do it for you. If you were quitting alcohol and someone said "hey can you watch my liquor store for the weekend while I go away.", you wouldn't say yes and hang out in the store all weekend. You'd take steps to mitigate the risk.

    Do you think either of those are true? Do you think you are a weirdo? do you think no woman would ever want you?

    If you do then you need to change that thinking. Be honest, do you think its true?

    There's 2 potential answers, 1) you think its true and you feel shame or 2) you know it's not true but you still feel shame.

    If it's 1 then you need to start working on changing that belief. If it's 2 then you just need to remind yourself and reinforce your belief in the truth that it's not true.

    I'm going to use a Tony Robbins analogy here and say a belief is like a table with legs. The belief "I'm a weirdo" is the table top and all the evidence (or references) that support that are the legs holding up that table top.

    You should draw this out on a piece of paper so it's easier to visualize AND it's a good exercise.

    You might have legs that say "because I use porn" and "because I masturbate" and "because I look at donkey pictures when I pmo" and "because I have green hair" etc etc.

    Now, one you have your picture you have to take each leg and knock it out. Take each leg and think about whether it's true.

    For the first example "because I use porn", there are tons of people who use porn and I can tell you none of them are weirdo's. It's a very common thing regardless of whether we believe it to be good or bad. It's not weird to use porn, it's actually very common.

    As you disprove each leg, cross it out and write a note as to why it's not true. Do this for each leg until it's done. If this were a real life table, when you got to the last leg and knocked it out, the table would collapse which is metaphorically blowing up the belief.

    The belief you have is untrue and you must go thru the exercise of knocking it down and blowing it up. Your brain might fight you on this and hit you up again and again but you must not give in. You must see it as a thought, think about your table exercise and remind yourself that it is not true.

    Just because you have the thought and the feeling, doesn't make it true.

    On the opposite side, you can do an exercise that shows a table that says "you're a great person" or "you are awesome" and have table legs that support that belief. That will build up your positive self esteem and help you visualize the truth.

    This and other things like this are exercises you are doing for your mind. It's like going to the gym to work out except you are working out your mind. Like going to the gym, you have to do this every day or multiple times a day. It's not just once and done.

    Good luck and remember to go easy on yourself.
     
    Gmork likes this.

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