Soft penis during sex, 3 lost relationships because I could not cum

Yeah bummer.

I've been masturbating to porn since it was only in magazines. I love masturbation and I love a great mind blowing orgasm. My first 200 orgasms came about through self-pleasure. I'd hide in my closet, open my one and only porn mag to an awesome picture of a woman, and just beat off my circumcized and unlubed penis (poor thing!!) until I shot jizz all over the picture. This went on until my first girlfriend, paused during our brief hot sexual relationship, and resumed until I got married, paused briefly, and then resumed again... for the next 30 years. I kept wondering why I wasn't enjoying sex with my beautiful and hot wife the way I was enjoying sex with myself. Eventually, the porn was taking over my brain. When I finally realized my problem, I had just enjoyed some arousing hot tub foreplay with my wife, got her on the bed and enjoyed licking and sucking her clit for quite a while, stayed hard as a ROCK and ready to cum... until I entered her. And then it died. Oh, she had an orgasm or two but me? Nothing. This had happened a few times over the previous few years but this was a special date. It was our wedding anniversary. I booked a super-romantic room at an inn on Cannon Beach Oregon, had a dozen red roses and a live fire in the fireplace on our arrival, fan-fucking-tastic French restaurant reservations... the whole 9 yards. Everything was awesome except my dang soft dick. And no orgasm for Johnny.
Within 9 months she had thrown me out of my house (there WERE many other issues too) and filed for divorce. I used the break to date as many women as I could (while still masturbating to porn as often as possible). I had an amazing texting relationship with one woman before I finally met her. On our second date, she was sucking my penis in my car and then sat on my hard penis... hard for a while. No orgasm for me. She was satisfied with her own. 3rd date, sex three times in 18 hours and a great time. Fantastic woman, hot sex, and no orgasm for ME. She dumped me. She told me that if I could not cum for her, then clearly I wasn't into her.
Next woman, sex on the first date. She had a great orgasm. I had ZERO. Second date, she stayed the night and she enjoyed great sex with me. I was hard long enough for her to get off (after fun foreplay) and then I went soft and had no orgasm.
Third woman was a FANTASTIC person. I love the snot out of her even now (after she dumped me 12 months in). We had 50-60 great lovemaking experiences over the year we were together and I had an orgasm maybe 5 times. The whole time, I was having big orgasms by myself in my apartment with lube and pornhub. But when she dumped me because she believed that I didn't really love her, I was SO screwed. Since I could not cum inside of her, clearly I didn't love her. Keep in mind, she is a HOT Japanese babe who you and anyone else would kill to be with (and I was so lucky) with an incredible body, wonderful mind (she is so fucking smart and compassionate), great sense of humor, and as beautiful as any woman can be...and she thought I wasn't mad about her? I was! But that porn+masturbation (PMO?) habit was killing me.
Now I am back with my wife because we killed the divorce process (fucking lawyers, I hate them all... especially divorce lawyers. I hope they all rot in hell). As it turns out, I do really love my wife. We've made love twice since we reunited and neither time did I cum. My dick went soft again. I don't want to lose my wife. If I do, then I don't know what I will do.
My urologist ( as saintly a woman as you will ever meet) is fully aware of all of what I just wrote. She wants me to stop masturbating (although she had prescribed masturbation as part of a cure for my persistent prostatitis) and avoid porn. She said that I would eventually be able to cum in my wife's vagina. The question is, which comes first, my cum, or my wife's end of patience.
So, today is my 2nd day of no masturbation.

 

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