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Socializing = top priority

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Enki, Feb 5, 2017.

  1. Burner1

    Burner1 Fapstronaut

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    Nice, glad for your progress and informative posts. Most happy for your progress! 40 days is close at hand!
     
  2. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    I can also recommend to organize and lead:
    • organize events of all kind (including a simple dinner at the pizzeria with friends - when did you last do this?)
    • lead a group
    • lead a project
    • build a company
    • build a family
    • ...
     
    Enki likes this.
  3. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Actually, this was already one of my goals. I just didn't put it in terms as clear as you did. Thanks a lot.
     
    SnowWhite likes this.
  4. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 38 No P
    Day 0 NO PM
    (what I'm switching to)
    Day 13 Social

    Purely "No P" isn't doing it for me anymore. I lose my confid

    Discoveries, Experiences, what I learned, feedback.
    1. People care less about what you say and fuck up about, more about your body language and what you consistently do - I'm usually scared and anxious to go out because I'll say something wrong. I've realized that people care more about how you make them feel than about the individual things you say. So make them feel good about being in your presence, and you will draw them back to you.
    2. I start thinking "loser" thoughts when I M - I hate this feeling because I know it's not true. I lose my self-respect and devalue myself when I M because I think I don't have access to other people. In reality, there are lots of cool people out there if I just find them.
    3. If I have a long-term mission, I can overlook the short-term failures and setbacks -
    4. Learn to love yourself - If I like myself and I love my life, it's a lot easier to attract awesome people into that life.
    5. It IS a numbers game - I used to hate this phrase. I thought it was cold and heartless. "Wtf? Why do I just want to get their numbers and then go?" Then I realized that it's not heartless at all, it's smart. You're learning to improve yourself and talk to people. You build confidence by talking to as many people as you can and realizing that a SINGLE interaction doesn't matter as much in the grand scheme of things. Most people will not care about you, don't try to care about everyone you meet. But do try to leave everyone better than you found them.
    6. I DON'T need to impress everyone, just my crowd and the people I consider close - I still want to talk to the other guys and live their life. But I realize that I don't have to fit into their life. I live my own life with my own support system.
     
    SnowWhite likes this.
  5. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

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    Yeah, totally!

    Words are silver, action is gold.

    Don't talk about what you want to do - instead, just do it.
     
    Enki likes this.
  6. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 39 No P
    Day 1 NO PM
    (what I'm switching to)
    Day 14 Social

    Purely "No P" isn't doing it for me anymore. I lose my confidence and the "core" I need to make it with my competitive style in this pressurized world.

    Discoveries, Experiences, what I learned, feedback.
    1. I am damn competitive - I just remembered that I used to hang out with friends who now go to the top schools. I can't compete with them on that stage, but I'll shine in my own stage. This is the thrill, this is the fun that life has to offer. This pressure to be awesome what drove me to take lots of social risks - I know that I want something more from my life and I am willing to demand it out of life by working hard, failing and being embarrassed a couple times until I am so desensitized to it that I overcome it.
    2. As long as I talk to someone at some time, I'll feel fine - sure working for my goals is all fine and dandy, but it's not that fun if I can't connect with people on the way. A decent conversation with someone every day or two is enough to keep me going. Keep loving life, keep getting that thrill!
    3. I started because I wanted to be the best I can be - and a bit of competition helps me do that. Nofap helps give me the leg up I need to stay at the top of my game.
     
  7. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 40 No P
    Day 2 NO PM

    Day 15 Social

    Midday observations:

    1. I like reading "seduction" stories - not because it gets people laid, but because of the journey they took to get there. They all started out pretty bad, but they kept going out there every day anyway, getting rejected and rebuffed, trusting the process. You can see their incremental progress, improving a little bit every single day, slowly molding their mindset, building confidence and getting more selective. You realize that they are PEOPLE just like you, but they've now learned to express themselves in a comfortable way and they are no longer shackled by what used to cage them - their fears and anxieties. Instead they gain mastery over that world. They've learned to have fun with other people and talk to them and take things to a deeper emotional level... They all started where you are right now, and they make you believe that you can go out there and do it too. For some reason, reading about their success gives me both the confidence and motivation to do it myself.

    Now the problem is to filter out the people who do it for the right reasons to eventually settle down and find a relationship, and the ones who just do it with no intention of stopping.
     
  8. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 41 No P
    Day 3 NO PM

    Day 16 Social

    Sometimes I forget that I try to update this journal daily as well. Yes, I made it through. Here is the fundamental shift I made (first two are copy pasted from my reboot journal)

    Discoveries, Experiences, what I learned, feedback.
    1. It's about mindset - I've been so focused on building the right LIFESTYLE and HABITS for myself that I forgot that your MINDSET is one of the most powerful tools in your journey. The lifestyle and habits help you when you're low and your mental energy is spent. Your MINDSET is the driving force though. MINDSET is the active force, while your LIFESTYLE is the passive. Now it's time to combine them.
    2. It's about LIVING your priorities - I realized how bored and purposeless my life felt when I just focused on schoolwork. I told myself I would be putting socializing as top priority but I didn't ACT like it. I still put school as my top priority and pushed all else aside to finish THAT. Once I started ACTING like socializing and business iis my top priority, I didn't feel so contained anymore. I didn't feel like I had to "release" my tension anymore, just refocus it on MY REAL (FULFILLING) PURPOSE
    3. I CAN learn this skill fast, this gives me hope- I know what it's like to make drastic and noticeable results in my social and business life in as little as a week. All I need is to keep going out there and exposing myself to people again and everything I know about socializing will slowly come back to me FULL FORCE. Also Josh Kaufman's "20 hour rule" is something that I apply to learning social skills, and it REALLY WORKS. I just need to put in the time and effort to do so. I've done it before, and I had A LOT OF FUN while doing it. Now I just need to KEEP doing it and keep going out there again.
    4. I'm going to have some guidelines - Yes I have general goals to improve humor and story telling and although I HAVE been practicing them, it's not very focused learning. I'll create guidelines for what exactly I want to focus on within those goals and work at those relentlessly. I'll need to create space in my schedule to go out regularly and practice.
     
  9. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 42 No P
    Day 4 NO PM

    Day 17 Social

    Discoveries, Experiences, what I learned, feedback.

    1. I really do have to prioritize - I just realized how much TIME it will actually take to really develop and get good at this skill - hours and hours a day of consistently socializing with only that goal in mind to get good at it. Then I have to consistently do this EVERY DAY.
    2. This is worthy - 15% of your success comes from technical knowledge while the other 85% comes from your social skills and comfort in communicating what you know. If I DON'T get good at this, I would only be shooting myself in the foot.
    3. It IS an investment - It means I'm taking my time away from studying all day, from learning more about workouts, from doing research about business, from learning martial arts and dance, BUT LEARNING HOW TO SOCIALIZE WELL MEANS DRASTICALLY IMPROVING MY POTENTIAL IN EVERY ONE OF THOSE OTHER AREAS. Yes, it is an investment, but it's WORTH IT. I know I can't see it where I am now, but I had a taste of it before, and it IS worth it.
    4. A list of benefits off the top of my head.
    • More fulfilling, fun, adventurous life.
    • Ability to gain mentors skillfully
    • The comfort to talk to anyone about anything
    • The ability to influence people's emotions, be HEARD, and eventually lead people to collectively do what you could never do alone.
    • It takes time in the beginning, but it SAVES MUCH MORE in the long run.
    • You gain more confidence by increasing this core skillset.

    Time's up. It took me four hours before I started getting in the groove of socializing yesterday. Keep going and make more room in your life to do that.
     
    Aiyoshi likes this.
  10. Aiyoshi

    Aiyoshi Fapstronaut

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    Are you an introvert @Enki ?
     
  11. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    What does that even mean?

    The short answer to your question is: "Yes... right now."

    I have been both introverted and extroverted in different phases of my life. It depends on my lifestyle and the necessity at that time. When I want/need to work hard towards my goals, I can cut communication with people to a minimum and focus on my goals. When I'm tired of that, I can shift my lifestyle to a more social one and go out and have fun with people again.

    Both types of lifestyles shift my perspective and mindsets as well as how viscerally I respond to stimulus. Either way, I can gain energy both from being around people and by being away from them. I have to oscillate between the two modes though, or else it gets stale.

    It's possible that I'm an ambivert.
     
    Aiyoshi likes this.
  12. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 43 No P
    Day 5 NO PM

    Day 18 Social
    Success!

    I feel like the days are getting easier, not because the urge is not there anymore, I'm just weaving my way around them. I'm becoming Antifragile.

    Now that I'm actually writing this, I just realized that I didn't actually do much socializing today. What happened? I got so caught up in other things. THAT'S RIGHT, I helped out some guy on his work problems. I won't count it as "socializing" in the way I intend it, but I did make a new acquaintance with someone. Cool.

    Discoveries, Experiences, what I learned, feedback.
    1. Mindshift: Discipline isn't just doing what you should do, it's putting aside your lesser desires in favor of your highest ones.
     
  13. Enki

    Enki Fapstronaut

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    Day 45 No P
    Day 7 NO PM

    Day 20 Social
    Success!

    Discoveries, Experiences, what I learned, feedback.
    1. You can get the most phenomenal adventures from the weirdest people - I don't want to go into detail, but I met this guy who I at first thought was kind of strange.... like he was in his own world. I thought "my goal is to socialize, not to discriminate" so I just kept talking to him anyway. Soon I'm getting free lessons on what he teaches and I'm swept off into a new world, one outside my own plane of perspective and it's AWESOME. It's also very humbling to know that he's still human, and he can still feel lonely.
    2. It's a small world, and I have a lot to learn - generic, I know. But it's true.

    Time's up.
     

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