Social anxiety really hurts...

hey man i think i can relate to where you are coming from. some days I am just full of energy and enjoy talking to people and will be more outgoing where as other days i feel like a zombie and i dont want to even interact with anyone and i freeze up when talking to people and leave alot of conversations to hang and die. i think one big factor though that has helped me is sleep. make sure you get a good amount of sleep so that you are not tired and feel motivated to do whatever you may be doing that day

 

I think for me, removing PMO lessened the obstacles to being comfortable socializing. When I was a teen, I was very confident and outgoing. After PMO took hold I retreated back into my shell. I think feelings of guilt and shame played a big part in holding me back. PMO is just another thing to worry about and to dwell on. If you give up PMO, instead of 10 things to worry about, you have 9.

In terms of getting better and feeling more comfortable around people, being that funny, relaxed person you know you can be, I think you need to prepare yourself for failure. And accept any small success that might come your way. I used to be a musician. I don't play anymore. But my strategy for writing songs was to write 100 songs. If you write a 100 songs, 80 will be bad. 10 will be okay. 5 will be good and 5 will be really good.

If you apply that approach to socializing, you can go out in a week and try to have 100 conversations... or just 10, or whatever. 80% won't go too well, 10% will be okay, 5% will be good and 5% will be great. So if you set that type of goal for yourself, small success can give you a lot of confidence.

Another thing to keep in perspective is that you should really try not to take socializing too seriously. Social Anxiety is built upon layers and layers of self doubt, self defeating prophecies, it's all very internal. I used to go to a party and try my best to be social and meet people, but in the back of my head I kept hearing "everyone else is cooler, everyone else is having more fun, everyone else has more friends, they're funnier, sexier, more confident..." so much putting myself down. But in reality it's such a warped mindset. In reality no one is judging you but yourself. You should lighten up, I started telling myself. You're doing the best you can and that's all you can do. You are who you are. If being a little awkward and shy is part of that, so be it. In some situations, I'm no good. I.e. if I'm at a place where I don't know anyone, I'm a wreck. I'm not comfortable at all. But if I know a handful of people, I can let my guard down and have a good time and maybe even meet some new people.

Maybe you've had similar experiences?

In summary:

1) Take it easy on yourself
2) Cherish the small successes
3) Don't be afraid to fail and fail again. Eventually, it will click and you will be the social funny guy you know you can be all the time.

Good luck!

Hey, I just noticed we're both at 56 days! I don't have a timer set up, I use an excel file on my computer with graphs and a bunch of other stuff.

Congrats and keep up the good work, 4 days left to 60!

 

I know what you mean man after a unsuccessful day with social interactions i feel very hopeless when i get home and mad at myself for not being outgoing like i used to be it makes me want to fap and isolate myself but I have to keep pushing the urge away your not alone Good luck!

 

I can relate to this entirely. For instance, today at work I started joking about and finally making decent conversation with my colleagues, I felt comfortable in a social environment which is extremely rare for me. However, all it takes is one situation where someone else arrives who I don't feel comfortable around and everything goes downhill from then on. For example, a different colleague who I don't really know arrived today, and I just couldn't talk out of fear and awkwardness. That then leads to me hating myself, wishing I was more confident, which then snowballs and escalates the situation making me feel even worse. I think I just need to speak, give no fucks at all and get over any failures or embarrassments that happen because of it. It's all in our heads, and the only way to get round it is to convince ourselves we're wrong, by doing the exact thing we tell ourselves not to do.

Good luck man.

 

Basically , I've written a journal of no less than 90 posts about this problem . But, the more I cared , the bigger it got .

Here's what I got so far ....
1- Self-doubt is the main problem , you're afraid you'ld make a mistake , so you're always keeping a close eye on whatever you're saying . You also stop talking all together if you think someone in the room is going to judge you .

2- You'll make mistakes and people will judge you , but we all make mistakes . You need to accept that and learn to deal with those people . Either by ignoring them , or taking their judging lightly and even laugh about it .

3- If you are anything like me , you can get to be the strongest extrovert in the room , but only till your energy runs out .

4- Try speaking louder . It helps , a lot .

5- The less you think about this , the better . Kind of like PMO , the less you think about it the less the urges .

I hope this helped . I know how a pain social anxiety can get .

Good Luck .

 

What has always helped me with interacting with people is personal success. Find a hobby that you're interested in; something that requires progression. For me that's running/racing. The small successes you achieve as you get better builds confidence and makes it easier to interact with people. It can also to meet groups of people with the same interest (races definitely help me meet people and get used to large crowds). Hope that helps. Good luck.