So what am I doing?

Life is not a single straight road. It have branches. When going down in social anxiety, times to times a little street can guide you out of this downfall road. Sometimes is a hard street, dirty, with some stones, but your feets can get used to this new surface and get out of this bad path.

Many times our brain say that this snowball effect is irreversable, but that's not true. He's tricking us to keep we all in this bad "confort" zone. There's a whole world of people like us, and this forum is the proof; full of introverts, shy people, with traumas; or people who aren't like that, but know and love people who have this conditions. There's comprerension out there, in many places.

 

Relax, this day gonna come. And, if you feel the urge to run away, remember this feeling of regret. This gonna give you some motivation.

If you feel bad, or some relapsing desire until this day, come here and post how you're feeling.

 

Just spend some time over the next week relaxing. Do some things you really enjoy. I know a part of depression is something called "anhedonia" which is a lack of pleasure for things that you usually enjoy. Maybe try to teach yourself a skill. I know I was watching a whole bunch of Kung-fu movies and then I went and took a couple classes and it felt amazing. Something I never thought I would do. Make yourself into the person you want to be. You have all of the power in the world. Dream about exactly the type of person you wish you could be. And channel that into a future.

 

You not offended me at all.
As I said some posts ago, I'm really skeptical in some stuff and I think society never gonna change. But I can. I'm not gonna say i'm going to transform into someone great and amazing. This is delusional. This oscilates and the interesting part is that i'm experiencing persons in just one, along my life goes.

I'm living, studying, working and doing my stuff because,
first: i'm doind this already. I'm in inertia mode (I know that's not really positive, but it's my truth). Even giving up on life and in my compromisses would take me a lot of time and energy that i'm not interested in spend.
second: based in some curiosity. What could come next, or nothing will happen? I'm want to know how i'm gonna be some years from know, and how the world will be. Scientific curiosity.
third: there are some things I like here. Even if my interest goes down for some time, even if I give up on my watch and concede to PMO, for exemple, I know some interests can grow back.

But I keep my words, try to "survive" until the meeting with the councilor. At least you have a goal to achive in the next days. Keep coming here and talking about. At last, I think this can take a little bit of your anguish away.

And about the girl, well, in this issue I'm really can't say anything useful. You're being more brave than me in my whole life at this point (i'm 27). I never give me the chance of liking someone.

 

PS.: This topic is about you. I said all this things about me to expose my doses of reality around my problems and visions. I think It sounded like I was just using empty positive words in my last posts.

 

I think is really annoyng to pressure you and I'm not gonna do that. When the exaustion is high, the stress can became something really bad. Between this social interactions, take your time to recover your energy.

 

That constant feeling of being drained is normal, and you are absolutely not lazy. I used to think that was my problem too. I had no drive for anything. I just wanted to sit around all day and play my games and couldn't be bothered to achieve anything else. Somewhere down the line though, you realize that it's okay to be selfish in some areas. But definitely not in all areas. The one thing that has made me okay with the crap going on in the world is knowing that eventually, I'm going to escape everything and just spend time being with my partner. And trust me, you WILL find a partner. You don't have to worry about that just this moment though. Things come into play on their own terms. But I know that even if this entire world is horrible, even if everything sucks, even if I keep ruining things for myself and others...at the end of the day, I can keep my own little safe space. I can be in control. I can be free.

It might seem like people are just trying to make you feel better. But the truth is, we've all been there to some degree, and we've all bounced back from it. I can't tell you the amount of times I've contemplated ending it, only to feel grateful I didn't a few months later. Good things will come. Bad things will happen. But the good will eventually outweigh all the bad. As people get older, they mature, for the most part. And if you keep yourself surrounded with maturing people, you'll find yourself living a pretty nice life.

 

It's not really about shaking a habit. But it also won't be with you for the rest of your life. It could be a bunch of different factors, but you are incredibly normal. All of what you are feeling is normal. Find a thing that makes you happy and just hold on to that thought for a while. Just hang on tight, don't let go, and ask for help when you need it. People are always going to care about you. Sometimes we are all just so engulfed in our own lives that we don't realize someone around us is hurting. But when they are gone and there is nothing we can do to fix it or help them...we regret our entire lives. You can keep pushing forward. You have the strength. You can be anything you want to be. Anything. Don't give up.

 

When you feel the urge and despair of life, and start to have bad thoughts about ending it, come here and talk to us, If you do not find anyone that you trust near to you. We can always read what you have to say and talk to you about it.

Just a personal question: Your parents know about your suicidal thoughts?

 

Tell them you are having suicidal thoughts. It's very VERY important that they know. Psychologist and psychiatrists are trained to handle these things. Think of it another way...what's the worst thing that can happen? The worst result can't be worse than death, right? And you might end up feeling better. That's helped me sometimes.

 

As CowardlyLion said, talking about this with them is very important. They know you're not okay, and you mother wants to help you. I've heard of so many parents that didn't "believe" in depression... by this side, you have gold in your hands. Take advantage of it and open your heart to them, or at least to your mother.

I mean, what you have to lose in this moment? You doesn't deserve to feel like this everyday. Talk to your mother about this psychologist, then come back and talk to us how it's going. We will be waiting for you here.