So so angry

Hi Confused,
Have just read your post & totally identify. His denial, lying and worst still, feeling sorry for himself, makes me furious. Things have got better recently because I've had to spell it out to him - how our relationship is on the line if he doesn't help himself and do this reboot program. I moved out of the bedroom into the spare room and moved my engagement ring onto another finger. His options were either a) lose me or b) stop fucking about and win back my trust & affection.
We've got every right to be angry. Please don't be harsh on yourself, your feelings are valid and, if anything like mine, come from a place of hurt and frustration. But I've started to feel better as I've seen him really trying to keep us together, he hasn't PMO'd for 40 days (when I gave him the ultimatum) and we've started dating again.
Most importantly, he's recognising how his actions and choices have affected me as a woman, sexually and self-esteem in general. I truly believe if he hadn't have put this effort into getting better, I'd have left him by now. He was in denial and lied for our whole relationship (3 years) and I believed his ED was down to past abuse he'd suffered. That's three whole years of patience, frustration (women have needs too) and reassuring him in bed. Three years of him saying I was all he wanted but masturbating to other women?? In short, my self-esteem is crushed, I have no confidence in my body now, I hate getting undressed - all because of porn. How pathetic.
I hope you find some peace, whatever the outcome. For me, my PA's behaviour now it's out in the open has been instrumental in MY recovery, anger & forgiveness. If he doesn't put our relationship before his hard-on and immediate gratification, I'll choose to be single...and happy. x

 

I feel your pain. My husband has been a PA for most of his adult life and he is almost 61.I am 48. I had no idea for years, then I caught him and then I thought it was over anly to find out a month ago that he has been using P for 10 years. He usually doesn't M he just looks but it really angers me and yet again he has promised to stop.
This time I took my ring off. He's upset about that but if he wants me to wear it and be his wife he has to commit to help and EARN it. No more easy ways out. No more believing everything he says. I'm done with it.