So, how long am I in for?

Discussion in 'Significant Other Journals' started by DesperateHousewife7, Sep 18, 2018.

  1. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    183
    279
    63
    YOU ARE SOMEBODY SPECIAL...change your mantra...immediately. Get up and take control of your life. Look at your boudoir pictures, I bet you’re pretty darn attractive, inviting and warm.
    You deserve more than a corner, you deserve a throne. In fact every “SO”DESERVES TO BE SITTING ON A THRONE. Honoured, valued and treasured.
    This porn addiction etc...belongs to the PA...NOT YOU. It’s his job to heal it. Let him prove his love to you by doing just that.
    So if you can imagine it...be the queen bee you are meant to be.
    Prayers and high fives are with you...YOU GO GIRL
     
    Susannah likes this.
  2. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

    131
    108
    43
    Thank you. I know I am attractive and inviting and warm. I know I deserve all those things. But what good does knowing that do me if the ONLY MAN I can be with, doesn’t seem to agree? This is it. This is the marriage I ended up with. I get to be treated like nothing special. Nothing attractive about me matters. Even when he compliments me it’s just horse shit to me. What’s the point?
     
    Susannah likes this.
  3. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    183
    279
    63
    Who says you have to stay? Or stay with that frame of mind? You have choices, remember boundaries are there for your protection . What are your boundaries?
    Your thoughts determine your reality. If you believe you are less than, it’s been my experience that that is exactly how my husband will treat me.
    The thing that motivated my PA was when I said, “I’m not scared any longer, so either step up or step out of the way.” That’s when he disclosed his addiction to me. To say I was shocked is an understatement. I went into shock, Instantly .
    So let me get this straight...
    You’re young, attractive,warm,loving , eager to please, and love your husband. Why are you settling for less than you deserve? You don’t have to take this addiction laying down. There are SANON meetings . They truly are a life saver. The support of like minded and experienced women offer so much. The growth you would experience is life altering. You learn to accept what you can’t change and change what you can. This sex addiction/porn addiction thing sucks, there’s no doubt about it. It hits a woman to the core. Every aspect of our lives is assaulted. I understand your pain ,isolation, and low self appraisal...but it’s not you...HONEST IT ISNT..
    The COURAGE OF A LIONESS IS BEING SENT YOUR WAY...be strong..
     
  4. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

    363
    593
    93
    Right. Often people think we SOs suffer from low self-esteem (I know some do), when in fact, we suffer even more from the fact that those we love don't esteem us.
     
  5. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    183
    279
    63
    For me,I made excuses for the emotional abuse. I knew he had a rough childhood, actually intensely so abusive he hasn’t even comprehended how much. Thank goodness he’s working with a therapist to bring him through it.

    Anyway, I made excuses, and figured if I was patient enough, loved him enough, he would open up. In actuality, I was enabling. It wasn’t until I said I was leaving that he opened his eyes so speak. Once I understood the cause his abusive behaviour, the tables turned.

    When he is evasive, stonewalling, gaslighting or rude in looks and words, I call him on it. The fact of the matter is, although I love him, ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

    I have since walked out on him in a grocery store and told him, in no uncertain terms, the next time he talks to me in that tone, I will not be waiting for him. He can walk home. We live 20 miles from the nearest town.

    We are on a three month trial...then we renegotiate the terms. I will NOT be coerced, manipulated or bullied into an unhealthy situation. If he wants to be with me..it’s up to him to prove it...in actions, deeds and words.

    My heart goes out to the spouses, we are incredibly strong emotionally and we don’t have to accept bad behaviour. Strength be with you all.
     
    Susannah likes this.
  6. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

    131
    108
    43
    Thank you ladies for your responses. I enjoy reading them.


    I am feeling better today. He came home from lunch and asked me to enter in the password to his program that allows him to download/delete apps, so I did, and he deleted imgur. I asked why he did that and he said that I told him a while ago that I didn’t feel comfortable with that app if there was any inappropriate images on there and he said he hadn’t seen any, but today he came across a sexy cosplay image on the front page and it made him feel uncomfortable because of what I had said. So, knowing that he took the initiative and took that step is really great. I also suggested (because he doesn’t like his previous therapist because he doesn’t feel that they help him/they just want his money) that he try Talkspace the online therapist so he can at least have someone to talk to when need be and for accountability and he said it was a great idea.
     
    Faceplanter likes this.
  7. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

    131
    108
    43
    He doesn’t usually share his feelings or update me on any of this, unless I ask and pry long enough. And I’ve gotten used to that, because he does tell me about the important things. The other night, he had a lot to drink and we were laying in bed bullshitting around, and he started telling me a lot of stuff. He told me about how he gets temptations and wants to go look at porn or masturbate, and how he has to leave the room to help get rid of the feeling.

    And I lay there, just listening to him, and it made me feel absolutely nauseous. As he’s telling me this stuff, all I hear is how my husband finds it difficult on a day to day basis to not go look at/get off to other women. My husband has to actually get up and leave the room to fight the urge to be unfaithful to me. He spent 7 years giving in to those exact urges on a daily basis and now, in the same workplace, with the same access to tablets with internet and incognito, he is fighting those urges. Every day. And it hit me with a massive wave of nausea (and again as I type this) that my husband is an actual legitimate addict. An addict of other women. An addict of utilizing other women for his sexual desires and needs. Our entire marriage.

    I guess I am just suffering emotionally because I want to be there for him, I want to support him in all of his life’s struggles but nobody ever prepared me for the struggle at hand being that he can’t control himself from being unfaithful to me. You know how fucking hard that is to do? To submit yourself in partnership to helping a partner who spent your whole marriage cheating? And having to listen to them tell you about how hard it is for them to abstain from that? It rips me apart inside, makes me feel like a completely inadequate and unsatisfying spouse, makes me feel like a damn fool, a weak woman, a female cuck. Fuck, it’s so hard. It’s harder than when he doesn’t tell me.
     
  8. Lostneverland

    Lostneverland Fapstronaut

    183
    279
    63
    Yes it is their drug of choice. I really don’t know where I’d stand on the continued use of porn. I guess time will tell. I’ll be thinking about you , prayers and strength are being sent your way.
    Hold your head high, and remember it’s not about your being inferior. You are incredibly strong.
     
  9. Lilla_My

    Lilla_My Fapstronaut

    157
    313
    63
    I just wish with all my heart that I had something to say that would ease your pain. Time will hopefully resolve your hurt and give you the wisdom and peace that you need. You don't walk alone ever. Sending you hugs of strength!
     
  10. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

    131
    108
    43
    Thank you so much.
     
  11. DesperateHousewife7

    DesperateHousewife7 Fapstronaut

    131
    108
    43
    Thank you so much.
     
  12. Susannah

    Susannah Fapstronaut

    363
    593
    93
    Yes. I do. Lots of others here too. Probably doesn't help, but we get it. So sorry.
     
    hope4healing likes this.

Share This Page