Sorry this post is so long, but I'm new here and have a lot to get off my chest, I guess. My husband has been ogling women for about 50 years (by his estimate). His behavior is actually predatory (I believe), in that he will enter a room or any kind of indoor or outdoor space and immediately scan the environment for targets. He starts with young women (callously discarding those who are even a little overweight), then climbs what call a hierarchy of women. If there are no young women present, he will start looking for 25 years olds, then 30 year olds, etc. He will give them the up and down scan, then keep surreptitiously glancing at them for as long as we are there. He will often pick a "favorite" and become fixated on her. I have also observed him memorizing where moving women are, then positioning himself to be able to view them best when they arrive at a certain spot or emerge from behind a building, etc. He triangulates where they are in order to get glimpses of them. It is very creepy. He claims he often isn't aware he is doing all this. And he claims he has never actually followed a woman through a store or anything, but if he "isn't aware", how would he know? For that matter, if he isn't aware, why does he take pains to try to conceal it? (As a side note, when reading through forums here, I often find it funny when men claim that, of course, THEY are discreet in their ogling, unlike those other obvious oglers). He has even gone so low as to lean in to kiss or hug me so that he can get a better look at a girl without me knowing it. And in fact, he has actually admitted this to me. Addiction or not, this upset me very much and I told him to NEVER do that or anything like it again. He is not allowed to use my body to stare at someone else's. So basically, there is no place he won't ogle and it has resulted in us being virtually trapped in our home. On many occasions I have exhibited PTSD symptoms (although it took a while for me to realize what those were) while with him in public...rapid pulse, weird aural and visual phenomena, dizziness, faint, panic, etc. I used to force myself to stay in those situations because I didn't want to be weak or ridiculous. But after a few full-blown panic attacks (the first of my life - I never knew what they were but now take them seriously) a therapist advised me to stop putting myself in those situations because repeated exposure would only aggravate my symptoms. Very frustrating since I used to be a rock-solid, cool-headed woman who was great in an emergency. Now I am a quivering shell. Although I have read lots about it and tried to lead gentle conversations about what it is like for him, I never really understand. He says it has something to do with distancing and even claims he doesn't really feel a strong sexual pull toward the women most of the time and can't remember or describe them afterward. It is more a "looking" behavior than a "seeing" behavior. He describes it as an subconscious scanning, then evaluating women for ogling potential, then feeling compelled to continue getting glimpses of them. He also says the same thing I read everywhere. His ogling is not a commentary on me or my desirability or deficits. It has nothing to do with me and he doesn't want to do it. But of course, IT DOES have to do with me. At those moments, I am embarrassed to be with a 65 year old man who is slobbering over 16 year old girls. I want to just melt under the table, because seriously, what kind of woman would put up with that? She must be pretty sick, too. Probably one of those women you hear about on the news who dutifully went into town to trap young women to feed her husband's serial killing habit. And then there's the crushing pain. At that moment he has diverted his attention from me to another woman. I cease to exist for him. Dinner conversation is over, touring is over, chatting during a walk in the park is over. Everything is over. I am over. I have disappeared. He will be completely preoccupied for the duration with his fixation on a stranger. For me, at first this feels like being repeatedly stabbed in the heart. Then I move on to anger at the disrespect of it all, then I end up with defiance and thoughts that there are plenty of men in the world for whom I might be the center of attention when we were out. But then I dream of feeling that my husband was engaged with me, interested in me instead of making me feel judged, found wanting, then publicly discarded.