1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Sleeping with a women or man

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Dragonnlife, Jun 28, 2017.

If you could have sex right now, with a women/man you just met, would you?

  1. Yes, I would.

    5 vote(s)
    38.5%
  2. No, I would wait and get to know her/him first.

    6 vote(s)
    46.2%
  3. Other, please comment to explain.

    2 vote(s)
    15.4%
  1. Dragonnlife

    Dragonnlife Fapstronaut

    Day 21: Irony.
    I couldn't stop thinking about it. I didnt WANT to stop thinking about it. It was all I wanted for so long and NoFap gave me the power to make it happen. *sigh* I slept with that girl last night after having met her the day of. Most of you may be thinking "That's great though! You got laid and so quickly! So what's the problem?" Instead I will answer with some background. This is a tender topic for me. Sex has always been an emotional subject and act to partake in. I don't remember a time when after having sex I didn't feel some sort of emotional surge. In high school, post sex, there was an unbearably large amount of guilt. Feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. Feeling lost in the world. Though I was always drawn back. It was always the pursuit I enjoyed and even the sex itself was amazing but then it felt like... nothing. Like there was nothing left for me to have. For me to do. Eventually it would get to me and I would break it off with the girl (I've mentioned this in earlier posts). I slowly moved away from the actively sexual lifestyle and starting re-evaluating what exactly it was that I was after. After therapy and one of the first meaningful romantic relationships of my life thus far (senior year) I knew. This was the kind of emotional steadiness and trust I craved. After the break up and no longer able to see my therapist I focused on myself for a long time (the last three years). It's been tough to "get laid" and I turned to porn for my problems. I started to crave sex, with a real person but having indulged in my emotions and ego so long left me with little drive and little "game". I didn't know how to pick up girls. Then I found NoFap. It's given me a reason to live. A reason to progress. To find myself finally and become a person I'm proud of and who I've always meant to be. I progressed quickly. Having relapsed twice and committed myself to this journey I started seeing results fast. Confidence, discipline, fulfillment, community, social life increase, etc. The biggest one being my confidence with women but the journey "back" to women. THAT was the mistake. I didn't realize that a part of me had it right, all along. Respecting women and treating them as individuals rather than objects was always the right way. Not sleeping with them immediately WAS the best feeling and proper path. My ego got the best of me though. I needed to prove to myself that I could sleep with a women. That I could "get" a women. Well I did it. I fucking did it and am left with dread. Feeling like I abandoned all my reason and morals just for a quick fuck. It wasn't entirely fantasy or a quick fuck but I just don't think I did it for the right reasons. Albeit I met this women legitimately and it was at a cafe not online or through prostitution. This I am grateful for. Even though I feel shitty right now, I'm happy I did it. It established my resolve and my "why" for NoFap and my journey as a whole. Learn from me guys. You may be horny, you may fantasize but ALWAYS come back to ground with your true reason for NoFap. Not to get laid, not to pick up ladies, but rather to further your well being. Be smart, be kind, and overall love yourself. It will take you to where you want to be. Push past the false motives and past the urges. I hope you choose better than I did. Thanks for reading. Godspeed.

    P.S. I've created a poll and hope you answer honestly. No judgments and votes are completely confidential.
     
  2. avatarivn

    avatarivn Fapstronaut

    Well, in my case is not whether I would or not have sex with a stranger, it is whether I could be able to or not. You see, at the time of this post I am on my day 36 and feels great but, I have been here before thinking, that my little thing is working again, then I went to have sex and I felt terrible afterwards. So right now, it is impossible for me to have sex (with a stranger or otherwise) because I am aware I will only have one "bullet" (so to speak) before going back to square one. Besides, even when I feel good right now, that woman would have to be a 12 (out of 10) for me to get interested (yeah, I am still that desensitized) and I would give it only be a 25% chance of being completely able to orgasm in that case.

    One might think "avatar is just overreacting" but the truth is, each time I reached more than 30 days and got laid, the benefits are all but lost. So I made a rule with myself to get laid after one year of NoFap (no scientific reason to select a year, just seemed long enough for the benefits to stick a bit more). Or at the very least, I will have some remaining steam after O.

    There is one more reason and I barely ever discuss it, but I am kind of not used to being touched so, having sex still feels awkward to me. Feeling another skin is not so enjoyable for me (hopefully nofap for long enough will fix that) so I am a bit inclined to think maybe I need some therapy just for that. Hard to explain, but I am equally numbed touching another person as I am of touching the carpet.


    Hope all this rambling with no sense or purpose helps with your question.
     
    Arohamystic and Dragonnlife like this.
  3. Dragonnlife

    Dragonnlife Fapstronaut

    That makes complete sense. Thankyou for all of that, It helps. I'm inclined now to be waiting before I jump into sex or just at the end of my 90 days. I'll be thinking about this...
     
    Arohamystic likes this.
  4. I would. Cos I'm horny as hell now. However I would still try to stay on Hard Mode by not ejaculating. Not sure how much of success it would be tho lol. I mean I am not pursuing sex right now cos there are some other areas of my life that I want to fix before that. One of those is fully reboot and heal. But at the same time if something would just fall in my lap on it's own I doubt I would refuse it either.
     
  5. Fyreinysde

    Fyreinysde Fapstronaut

    55
    9
    8
    I would not have a problem sleeping with someone I just met since for me pmo is the issue not physical intercourse, plus im not doing hard mode just no pmo/psub.
     
  6. Dragonnlife

    Dragonnlife Fapstronaut

    Thanks for the honesty!
     
  7. Dragonnlife

    Dragonnlife Fapstronaut

    You would have to not ejaculate though. That seems impossible to me haha. Maybe some can but I'm one of those homerun kind of guys.
     

Share This Page