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Sissification is the End of the Road For Me

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by Yoojung Paik, May 30, 2017.

  1. Hey man, I don't think he meant to pass judgement on you in the way you interpreted it.
    We are all here to help each other become the Best version of ourselves and do it in a positive manner.

    You story resonates with me on so many levels, and honestly after reading that I could see so many parallels with the controlling mother issue. I actually got really angry at my own mother after reading your post and remembering my childhood.

    But, I think Estus is right. Hate and Anger are emotions which are unresourceful to us. We are adults now, we can try to, if possible, see our own parents as imperfect adults who did a job at their parenting the best way they know how.. with lots and lots of mistakes. But we are here and alive that means along with lots of trauma, they also helped us survive.
    Maybe we can learn to accept them as imperfect individuals.. and try to move on (i know its better said that done as I am going through very similar struggles as you).

    Take care buddy. and we are all in a positive environment here to share our feelings and reflect on our lives.
    Please lets continue to be understanding and respectful towards one another.
     
  2. PS: Send me a PM if possible. I would like us to be accountability partners or discuss this in more detail if you are willing to.
     
  3. LivinginRecovery

    LivinginRecovery Fapstronaut

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    I have since amended my words in response because my previous reply comes from the heat of feeling hurt by the judgment and nastiness which exudes from that prior post. I personally don't think Estus is right at all. His manner and tone are 'off.' Anger is a perfectly healthy emotion which must be expressed. For too long I didn't express it at all and it was the undoing of me because I went into full scale clinical depression which is anger turned inwards.

    With all due respect you do not know my personal circumstances in relation to my upbringing however I shalln't go into it here because there are those who simply wish to negate those experiences as me 'blaming' others when I am doing nothing of the sort. I am simply trying to glean an understanding of why my porn use lead me to certain areas such as sissy porn. It doesn't simply appear out of a vacuum.

    I am not going to show respect to someone who cannot project respect. It has to be earned. In his post there are intimations of me being dishonest and also the intimation that I am still behaving like a sissy. I will not respect anyone who speaks like that to me.

    I don't harbour any ill feelings to you though and I hope you can find a way out of the insidious trap that is sissification and sissy porn and I wish you all the best in that endeavour. Thank you for your response. I appreciate it.
     
    Immature and Deleted Account like this.
  4. Wow
    I am listening to an epic gregorian chant,And with It your story looks very tragic,but beautifull also.
    Why?
    Because you are Like an fallen angel searching for the peace you once had.

    Sissification is horrible.ill Never watch that.
    Hope you are doing Well with nofap
     
  5. I have had a similar dark past, it's stuff that I digress from even writing here, even when I know how supportive and safe a place this is. I've done things and put things for that high that just left me feeling so ashamed, depressed, insecure and confused too.
    I'm not gonna share my experience here, since mine is in the past and I somehow managed to get rid of the darkest parts of it a few years ago,but most certainly am here to support you on your road to recovery brother.
    Figure out a plan, torch and chuck everything that relates to that lifestyle, end any contacts, close all usernames. Purge it all, and start clean right here. :)
    It's not gonna be easy, but the good things in life never are.
     
    Immature and Deleted Account like this.
  6. im glad i found a support group of people also going through the same crossdressing issues. Does someone want to be my AP ?
     
  7. fascinating thread - i have many of the same issues, esp. the sissy hypno porn and it becoming all consuming...
    it seems quite common here on NoFap - and i think that has plenty to do with its power to attract, harness and overpower - it is made far too well!
    im just over a week in, and i'm honestly missing it - the first few days were easy, now im beginning to feel the attraction again. i hope and pray it will pass, and i am sure it will.
    to all those on this thread with similar issues, we will persevere! and if anyone wants to PM me about this, please feel free - for mutual support and conversation :)
     
  8. Spidermonky77

    Spidermonky77 Fapstronaut

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    We are here to help you. By reading your story I know this is tempting you everyday and I know you don't want this type of lifestyle. You want change, you want to be better. I've felt that desperation before. We need to help and encourage each other. I'm here if you ever need to conversate with anyone. Peace love and blessings!!
     
  9. Porn Killer

    Porn Killer Fapstronaut

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    Yo dude, i feel your pain. Im dealing with similar issues. Only mine is on the other end of the spectrum, being with a sissy or crossdresser. Im not gay have no desire to be gay and have no interest in guys. But like you, after going years and years of watching porn, the standard stuff didnt cut it anymore and the taboo stuff started. It started getting so bad that i started looking up crossdressers on craigslist, luckily never going through with it. It freakin sucks dude. whats worse is that the standard stuff is not even what makes quitting difficult, its the new "exciting" stuff, which makes me feel gross. Forgive the pun, but it sucks balls.

    Stay strong dude.
     
  10. Vintage

    Vintage New Fapstronaut

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    You may unknowingly be fighting hypnotic triggers and the like.
     
  11. AtomicTango

    AtomicTango Fapstronaut

    This is a very powerful story and it takes a lot of guts to post it. I've never gone as far as you have but I shudder to think at where my porn induced fetishes would have taken me if I hadn't found this site and discovered NoFap. I genuinely hope you can find the light at the end of the tunnel and kick this addiction to the curb.
     
    ClaritySeeker and lloyduk like this.
  12. Cafax Xafac

    Cafax Xafac Fapstronaut

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    Just relapse and open this thread, okay? Don't lose hope. Relapse and make it your last time in your whole life. You need committment.
     
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2017
  13. Cafax Xafac

    Cafax Xafac Fapstronaut

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  14. plant goodness

    plant goodness Fapstronaut

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    So you developed an extreme thing for sissies. I can think of worse fetishes...
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. plant goodness

    plant goodness Fapstronaut

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    What are you doing asking people to relapse and posting that link??
     
  16. plant goodness

    plant goodness Fapstronaut

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  17. Cafax Xafac

    Cafax Xafac Fapstronaut

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    Hey I'm saying that just so they will be more committed okay? And I'm not compelling them to do so, just advising( I have right to do so) I have right to freedom dude. Don't be mean. Im just tryna help
     
  18. this is a great balancing thought - thank you plant :)
     
  19. You do have a right to offer advice, but its important to be respectful of user's goals and wishes. If someone views relapse as something against their goals or they are trying to avoid it, it's not ok to recommend or encourage them to do that. I don't think this was malicious or spiteful, just try to remember that we've all got different point of views and lines in the sand.
     
    Immature likes this.
  20. lloyduk

    lloyduk New Fapstronaut

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    Hey bro, just read your story and just want to acknowledge you for your courage to open up about all that you are dealing with.
    I too have felt the 'escalation' of fetishes... one similar one i have is I go on chat rooms and pretend to be a girl and I post selfie pics I find on the internet of like my dream girls.. and I tell the guys I want them to jerk off to 'my pic' and i jerk off at the same time... And I hope people can believe me when i say i'm not gay..

    *this story may be a trigger for gay/bi guys- not intended to do so*
    I had a gay experience once in a park late at night.. seems that the dark places seem to draw up to them.. i decided to go to a park late at night in the dark and jerked off walking down a path... the fear that there could be anyone come.. and actually someone approached me a gay guy.. and he started jerking too.. and then he said do I want to suck his cock.. and so I was like insanely nervous and thinking what the f*ck am i doing.. but in that moment, I would probably do anything for that 'thrill' anyway i started sucking him and i instantly felt sick.. the taste and everything.. I orgasmed jerking off as i did that and I actually vomitted at the side of the path and then I just walked away home as fast as I could and felt that that shame and regret.. anyway thats when i realised im not gay.. I know it sounds hard to believe, but I was just doing it to push myself to the next level, the get an even bigger thrill of dopamine as you said..

    Im struggling a lot, but I find this forum a lot of help so kjust stay in touch bro and let us know how its all going. Youre not alone.
     

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