1. Welcome to NoFap! We have disabled new forum accounts from being registered for the time being. In the meantime, you can join our weekly accountability groups.
    Dismiss Notice

Simon's Diary of Lady-Chasing

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by simonfreemason, May 6, 2018.

  1. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Wanted to start a new journal because of the different mindset I'm in now.

    My brother introduced me to Jordan Peterson. A couple weeks back I started reading his book 12 Rules for Life. I put off buying it for a long time; I didn't think I needed anybody's advice. But the first chapter rocked my world, and I'm not reading any further until I master living by it. And already I've changed so much!

    Last night my wingman and I hit up some bars. At the last was a beautiful girl who knew how to make a guy feel liked; she touched my arm, drew me close, and looked me full in the face when she talked. But when I kept being unable to understand her through my hearing loss (bars are so loud!!), she started talking more to my friend.

    I'll admit to feeling a little sad and rejected, but I also recognize it's my fault for 1) not asking her if we could move to a quieter place and 2) not addressing my handicap by looking for women in either quieter bars or other places in general. (To be honest I'm not even a big fan of drinking.)

    But I'm feeling excited now because this is the first time in my life I've begun actively chasing women. I used to feel sad and depressed about it. Used to make excuses for why I couldn't, and quite frankly I was scared to! Didn't (and still kinda don't) know how to carry conversations with women without letting my desire to impress them shut down my conversation abilities.

    But I only get one life, and I'm not getting any younger (30). Gotta start trying, making a fool of myself, and learning from my mistakes. Even if it is a little late in the game. Better late than never.
     
  2. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

    1,133
    5,566
    143
    Conversations - Talk about what's going on with you (like you're inability to hear, your dislike for drinking and loud bars, and your desire to lead her to a quieter place). What's going on around you two. How you feel about what's going on between you two. What you notice about her.

    Not being able to interact with someone is pretty much the inability to express yourself honestly. Not wanting to do or say what you want for fear of rejection and lack of self worth. If you don't do or say anything, then you can't get hurt, but you also erase the possibility of something positive happening. If you do or say very little by playing it safe, you basically become lame and boring. Yes, maybe you'll be liked for acting in a way you think she'll like you for, but you also won't stand out. You might not get painfully rejected, but you also won't achieve anything.

    Practice doing or saying things without much thought. Practice failing and getting rejected. Practice being clumsy and non smooth. Practice doing things without any guarantees.

    The bolder and more clear your actions are, the bolder and clear their interest or lack of interest will present itself. Rather than playing it safe and being unclear about where something is going with someone. Get rejected faster. Spend more time with people that are actually interested in your honest self expression rather than wasting time on trying to convince someone to be interested in someone that you aren't.

    Learn to place value on who you are and what you want rather than placing so much importance on each outcome.

    The stronger your sense of self / thoughts / feelings / reality is, the less external stimuli or outcome dependence you need. Ironically, this is the way you get more desired external stimuli.

    The less you go for it, the less you'll get rejected, but also the less you'll get accepted.

    The more you go for it, the more you'll get rejected, but also the more you'll get accepted.

    So stop playing it safe trying to get an uninterested person interested in you.
     
  3. Savedpagan

    Savedpagan Fapstronaut

    165
    122
    43
    Ho
    Hey thanks for your post. Any progress since?
     
  4. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Hey! Yes. i got stuck in a delayed layover at an airport on Monday. This beautiful girl who was a former cheerleader asked if she could plug her phone into my outlet, and I said sure. I started talking to her by asking where she was headed-- turns out we were going to the same city. So we got to talking and really hit it off.

    Plane was delayed till 11am the next morning. She suggested we get a hotel room. And things just took their natural course from there.

    The situation itself was pure luck, but I think just being 100% myself (which was a little scary at first) helped tip things in my favor drastically.
     
  5. Congratulations man that sounds like a great experience. I’d be happy to never get on a plane on time again if that’s how it turned out.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.
  6. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Asked out my neighbor
    On my way to my car Friday, my hot neighbor stepped out to let her dog go to the bathroom. The last time I'd gotten to speak to her was from helping her carry in her new TV in October. Since our encounters are rare, I seized this opportunity to talk to her. Toward the end of the conversation, I started getting a little nervous because I knew I was about to ask her out; I did and got her number.

    Whether or not anything happens, that's worth a pat on the back right there: no liquid courage, no lame Internet dating services, just good ol'-fashioned approaching.

    I'm going to call in a few hours to say hi and ask if she's free Wednesday night.

    Attractive Travel Buddy
    Also I'm going on a road trip with an attractive friend at the end of June. (We dated a while back but decided it wouldn't work since I want kids and she doesn't. Decided to stay friends.) Well, we searched last night for an AirBnB and couldn't find anything within our price range having two beds (I was the one trying to get two), so we're sharing one. And I know at least one of those nights we're going to get crazy drunk, so...

    To preserve the friendship, I'm not going to try anything. If she makes the first move, okay then: We can be animalistic together, own our decision the next morning like adults, and resume our normal friendship. Otherwise, yes, I might go a little crazy lying next to her insane body all night, but I'll stay cool.
     
    Last edited: Jun 10, 2018
    tweeby likes this.
  7. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Date with neighbor is tmw, roadtrip with attractive friend is in two days. Super nervous and excited about the latter. I think if the situation becomes extremely filled with sexual tension, I'll be honest with her about how I feel.
     
  8. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Omg... Did nofap most of this week and now I'm trembling with nervous excitement. Which means there's just no way I'm going to survive not making a move on her tonight as we slip under the covers together. There is a risk, but the reward is worth it.
     
    tweeby likes this.
  9. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Liking this a lot keep us updated.
     
  10. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Nothing happened. She was drunk to the point of absolute exhaustion Friday night, then Saturday she was in a weird, pissy mood all day from the hangover, making her unapproachable. She sprang out bed both mornings too without making eye contact. Oh well. Dating life is stull hopping right now.
     
    tweeby likes this.
  11. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Hosted a volleyball match Friday and met this beautiful girl. Afterward the group went to a bar and she and I got to talk. We were cracking up and really enjoying each other, so I got her number after and we're going out tomorrow. I haven't had much luck with the ladies in a while, so I normally don't let myself get my hopes up. But for the first time in a while I'm genuinely excited to see a person and not just a body I might get in bed with later.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
    tweeby likes this.
  12. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Vball girl texted me this last night after I'd fallen asleep:

    "I don't think i can meet up with you tomorrow, I'm pretty emotional and moody person and I'm going through recent breakup and you dont need that in your life,even my closest friends are sick of my drama lol"

    I woke up at 4 and saw it, I'll admit I was awake for another hour feeling sorry for myself after being rejected for the 20,000th time. Woke up a couple hours later feeling fine, just shrugged it off and began my day.

    I went ahead and told her breakups suck and that if she needs someone to talk to, I'm a pretty good listener. Meanwhile I'll continue dating other people.
     
  13. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    She talked about her ex all night. Yeah, um, okay... Moving on. I'm meeting someone tomorrow night, seeing a Canadian Friday night, and an Ohioan Saturday morning. Then I'm gonna spend the rest of the weekend relaxing, reading books, and riding my bike.
     
    tweeby likes this.
  14. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Random note: I find that fapping a lot drains me of any emotion. It gets so bad I can't even fake smile around anyone. It's kind of embarrassing and makes me want to keep to myself. Then no-fapping brings all the feeling back and I start craving people... It's amazing.

    Anyway, taking someone out to a concert tomorrow. Canadian cancelled tonight for a free toilet she's getting, seeing her next week. (Excitement level 1-10: 2. lol)
     
    Pink Zeppelin likes this.
  15. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Saturday was a fun day all day with Katie at the concert. We wandered the city streets after that and talked. I really only see her as a friend, but I'd be open to seeing where things lead if she ever expressed any interest.

    Ever since my neighbor made an excuse for not being able to go out for beer with me for the third time, it's been a little awkward between us. Luckily I move out in a couple weeks. I knew what I was getting myself into when I asked her out, but I didn't think through the fact that I had zero history with her. I think normally that's fine, but building rapport first would've been a better.

    Anyway I'm seeing the Canadian Friday night. I'm also line dancing with friends Thursday nights, and my god... and engineer like myself has not seen such a group of beauties since my partying days in Minneapolis. I think no-fapping the next few days will make me swell up with enough sexual pressure to start talking to them Thursday.
     
  16. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    Tonight is line dancing at a bar that fills up with hundreds of gorgeous women every week. I know four attractive friends are coming. Unfortunately being caught going for any of them could turn the others off forever, and I'm a little greedy; I want all of them, one at a time, secretly. I suppose sticking around till there's one left is the best option (chugs coffee), so here's to hoping they don't all leave at once!

    Plan is to flirt with the Last Contender, tell her something I like about her at some point, and eventually invite her over for drinks. NoFap since Sunday means I might struggle a little to conceal my intense desire. But if nothing happens, no big deal; I'll just see how tomorrow night's date with the Canadian goes.

    The excitement of tonight's potential reminds me that NoFap-till-real-life-sex is how it's meant to be. Porn is social retardant. Dating apps hinder us; we're meant to play the game face-to-face, learning to be brave, honest, and physical. We're meant to learn how to release our sexual energy with real people, not images and daydreams.
     
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2018
    tweeby likes this.
  17. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    The curves on the lady I had sex with last night were cartoonishly wild to the point that I'm just crossing that off my bucket list and moving on. It's like "having an otherworldly body" is not even something I'm looking for anymore; I had one in my arms last night and did all I wanted with it. But having done that, I've seen that that's all it really is: a body.

    What I mean is, when I'd fap to such a woman before on the Internet, I imagined it feeling outrageously, deliriously great. But the truth? I got used to it in 20 minutes. The breasts bigger than my head and planet-sized ass were incredible at first, but then they were just that: big boobs and butt.

    She wanted to go again after the first round, but I was exhausted. I just wanted to go to bed. She asked, "Why aren't you insatiable like all my exes?" I don't know.

    So moving on:

    On a physical level I'm looking for someone just easy on the eyes in any shape or form; I'm considering looking up pictures of normal-looking beauties on the Internet for a while to train my physical response to react to them. Undoing a decade of training my dick to respond only to extreme hourglass curves.

    On an emotional level, I'm craving connection. I especially felt a longing for that this morning. I just got back from an Iceland trip this past week with some friends; the absence of their chatter has my life so quiet all of a sudden. So I'm feeling kind of sad. But even after hanging out with people all yesterday, and last night's Perfect Ten Body sex, the aching for connection remains. But when I smiled at the beauty in the post office this morning, I understood what it was I wanted. A body isn't what drives wild sex for me, apparently; it's a strong emotional connection, it's love, it's how happy that person makes me.

    Moreover, that goes to show sex doesn't fill any kind of void whatsoever in my life. America's Bro Culture has got it all wrong. Still wanting connection after it was over was something I needed to experience. Maybe most guys do.

    Big personal gains here.

    Since I didn't feel prepared to speak with the aforementioned post office angel, that leads to my next goal: getting to where when I honestly want something, I admit it to myself and just go for it-- not the excuses I continually make to myself to avoid facing my fear of being awkward or getting rejected. Courageous Honesty. The next department for growth. Don't care about the outcomes; this is about the joy of experiencing self-development.
     
    Last edited: Sep 8, 2018
    koolpal likes this.
  18. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    At a trade show convention today this beautiful, blonde cougar came up towards the end of it and, with a sweet smile her face, just says "Tell me something interesting." She starts poking fun at our product and gets really flirtatious. The next 45 minutes were spent just laughing and smiling together (a good break from the dry engineering atmosphere), and my god she was more charming than most girls in my own generation.

    Finally, as my coworkers invited me out to dinner, she got my linkedin and then we parted ways, smiling again at each other. I don't know whether to message her or see if she comes to me again tomorrow.

    EDIT: Here's what I'll do: I'll relax tonight. If she doesn't come visit me again tomorrow, I'll shoot her a message on LinkedIn to see if she'd like drinks tomorrow night.

    EDIT #2: And OF COURSE as soon as I fap to her, my female coworker texts at 10pm asking if I want drinks. Great. Now that I'm out of sexual fuel, please, come on to me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2018
  19. Jason_Tesla_19

    Jason_Tesla_19 Fapstronaut

    Which is why you shouldn't fap!!! Good luck with her!
     
    simonfreemason likes this.
  20. simonfreemason

    simonfreemason Fapstronaut

    117
    72
    28
    I'm craving her, man. This time my arms wrapped around not a body, but a person. A bundle of tales, tragedies, triumphs, and adventures I knew from our 4-hour conversation at the bar. A sweet smile and sincere laugh. Her green eyes were the prettiest I've seen in probably forever. Mmmm.

    The trade show is about to end, and today's her last day. (Mine's Sunday.) She'll come by at some point to say goodbye. If I end up with someone half her material, I'll be golden.
     
    Jason_Tesla_19 likes this.

Share This Page