Should I tell my girlfriend?

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by Tijn, Mar 4, 2019.

  1. Shy_1990

    Shy_1990 Fapstronaut

    Great work man.
    I recently told my girlfriend as well. Its a hard conversation. She had a lot of questions that were hard to answer. IBut i think making yourself vulnerable infront of your partner is much better than having them find out the hard way while you live in denial.
    In my case i was ignoring a very hot girlfriend that was going out of her way to try and get me sexually interested. She deserves better.
    Tijn and Butterfly1988 like this.
  2. ImOkYoureOk

    ImOkYoureOk Fapstronaut

    I haven't read all the comments but I'm sure they all say something similar to what I'm about to say.

    Yes, tell your girlfriend! One thing I have always said to my boyfriend is to please be transparent and honest with me. I know he's going to make mistakes, I just need to know about them. It's very important if you want to build trust and trust is super important.
    Tijn likes this.
  3. Sunny321

    Sunny321 Fapstronaut

    I think that such issues are better to solve yourself
  4. EyesWideOpen

    EyesWideOpen Fapstronaut

    This is poor advice. Isolation feeds shame and addiction.
    Faceplanter, Theamos and Tijn like this.
  5. Tijn

    Tijn Fapstronaut

    You're right, I should and am solving these issues myself. However we are living together and paying rent together, so keeping something of this magnitude only to myself would be very dishonest and damaging to not only me but also our relationship.
    It has truly helped telling her too. since I have told her, I have only relapsed once after 20 days and after that relapse, I am now porn free again for almost another 20 days. This is amazing for me, I have never since 13 y/o been able to reduce my PMO to these levels.
    So yeah I kinda get where you are coming from but no, you're wrong i'm sorry
    Butterfly1988 and RedeemedIowan like this.
  6. RedeemedIowan

    RedeemedIowan Fapstronaut

    Keep pushing for what you know is right. You are definitely on the right track.
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  7. Theamos

    Theamos Fapstronaut

    I feel you need to tell her. If she find out later she will be pissed
    Make sure she knows this is not for her to fix but between you and a supporter and of you go to sa or saa meeting a sponsor
    Butterfly1988 likes this.
  8. Tijn

    Tijn Fapstronaut

    Hello all.
    It's been a while since I last posted, but i'm happy to anounce that i've been porn free for a month and 23 days now.
    It took a few small relapses but I finally did it, now I don't think i'm entirely free from it yet and I don't know if thats even possible, so i'm not going to celebrate it as if it is some major accomplishment but still, I have never been P free for this long in my life.
    The main thing that I've noticed is that my sexual drive and thoughts are less compulsive and they feel more natural. They also go more easily and because of that, i'm also masturbating waaaay less, now i'm not anti M at all, but I don't rely on it to fall asleep anymore as much as I did wich is a funny side effect I did not consider, and it is also just nice being able to sleep without touching myself for a change haha.
    And finally the reason I posted my story in this section: I have not felt guilty towards my girl for over a month because I watched some dirty nonsense on the internet, and therefore I feel that i'm a better boyfriend because of it. She also keeps telling me that she is proud and happy so thats all very good.
    And I got you guys to thank for it, because a few months ago I was not planning to tell my girl at all, but you convinced me to do otherwise and I am thankful for that because telling her put everything into motion.
    I hope you are doing well guys, I will stick around to read the forums and hopefully give some good advice of my own.
    thank you :)
  9. danstronaut

    danstronaut New Fapstronaut

    makes me wonder if I should tell my girlfriend too
  10. Tijn

    Tijn Fapstronaut

    It's not an easy thing to do, but for me personally it has helped alot.
    hope4healing likes this.
  11. grahamazing

    grahamazing New Fapstronaut

    Good morning/afternoon/evening. I came across your thread last night after searching for a bit of inspiration. Little bit of background, yeah I have a girlfriend too. We have lived together for 2 years now, we do everything together, ski & snowboard, rafting trips, annual dancing shows, buy groceries. The whole shebang. Our sex life, like yours, is healthy. No PIED, good frequency, highly intimate. For this reason, I've become complacent and allowed for the dark, self destructive habits of my childhood to occupy space in my relationship behind her back. My justification for acting out PMO again, like you seems much easier when I am alone, have awkward amounts of time, or she leaves for a work trip. It's so upsetting to not be able to hold the self discipline when she's gone, I just want to feel comfortable when I'm alone. While I have had streaks of no PMO for upwards of a year, my complacency recently has gotten out of control, and I have been doing the PMO maybe once or twice per week. Reading your thread changed that. I had read everything before bed, and then stared at the ceiling for about 45 minutes. My heart was beating hard, and slowly but surely, I positioned myself closer to the light. I had never had this kind of discussion with my SO, and I wasn't sure how it would go. But it became more and more clear that if I did something last night, I would be able to wake up this morning, have the support of the most important person in my life, write this comment on your thread, and feel like there is a real chance at a new start.

    So in a contradictory moment, the light turned on, I woke up my girlfriend, and told her of my hushed habit that has been causing me, and therefore us, pain. I thought that by waking her up to tell her, she would understand that this is seriously haunting me. I was so nervous that my whole body was shaking, but got out what I needed to.

    Her reaction was amazing. She invited me into bed, to calm down the shaking, and asked some questions. "How often do you do this", "why do you feel so guilty about it?". I also found that her attitude towards PMO is much more lenient than mine. She wasn't upset at all. She didn't feel betrayed. She was just upset that it was causing me so much pain. I was doing this because I felt like I was stabbing her in the back, but now that I know that she doesn't see it that way, my motivation for moving forward is to do this for me. I know for sure that I will forever feel guilty if I look at porn, there's just no getting around it. I have rebooted once, and it truly was the best I have ever felt about myself. Day one, yeehaw! Tijn, thank you for helping me turn the tables. Please update us on your streak and how it's going, by the way you're an excellent writer.

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